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Old 10-11-2004, 03:01 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: mass
Posts: 64
daisye14 HB User
Unhappy just checking in

Hi all,

I have not posted in a while but I really need some support, I have been lurking every day reading the posts just to chicken to say hi. I am still really struggling with an addiction to vics to the point where I have not stopped for more than 4 days.
I am really beginning to hate myself all I want to do is stop but this drugs really got a hold on me.My fiaunce is fed up with me he calls me a "pill head" and hes right I feel so worthless and alone.
My self confidence is a zero and I have no self esteem whats so ever I feel so empty like im living in someone elses body.People always tell me ,like strangers how pretty I am and how good I am at doing hair.I dont see any of it I just see a petty little screw up who threw all her dreams away and sold her soul to this drug.
Sorry im rambelling just needed to get that out, thanks for listening.To everybody I am so proud of all of you ,you all inspire me.luv,kel.

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Old 10-11-2004, 04:37 PM   #2
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 77
octomon HB User
Re: just checking in

Originally Posted by daisye14
My self confidence is a zero and I have no self esteem whats so ever I feel so empty like im living in someone elses body.
Yup. Well that's what these opiates are best at. They take it away and don't want to give it back. You deserve compassion daisye. I know it's tough to get that compassion when you're taking 4 pills per day and not 40, but that's where you're headed unless you smash this thing now. Don't be afraid to take what may seem like drastic measures at this point. NA or AA meetings may be VERY helpful to you right now. I think a very serious talk with your boyfirnd is also in order - as in "I think I'm becoming more addicted to these pills, they have destroyed my self-worth, and calling me names will only push me further down".

peace, and good luck. get better now, ok? It will only get harder.

Old 10-11-2004, 09:26 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: mass
Posts: 64
daisye14 HB User
Re: just checking in

thanks octomon for your reply your right these pills are making me so depressed.I am gonna go to some na meetings and I would like to see my therapist regarding my depression and anxiety.I know my fiaunce loves me but when he calls me a "pill head" it rips my heart right out.Its hard enough both my parents don't even talk to me because they are disgusted with me.My boss is getting fed up with me I know it sounds dramatic but I feel like everybody dislikes me.Im sorry rambelling again, I can't stop crying I just need to be hugged and told everything will be alright, as silly as that sounds thats what I wish and need now.Oh well thanks again take care,kel

Old 10-12-2004, 08:35 AM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: IL
Posts: 435
cookie51 HB User
Re: just checking in

Hi Daisy,
I will pray for you, my neice is going thru pretty much what you are going thru, but she drinks on top of pills. She was doing real good for a few months and bang back to square one. Dont ever give up, she like you has no confidence, but you know what, you both are so special to your loved ones, you guys are not alone. My neices boyfriend calls her names and tells her its okay to have a few beers, I think he like it when she is dependent on him. He is no help at all to her.
Please, Please do not think you are alone. We will support you in any way we can. I see you do hair. See your creative, I have done hair for many years, you have to find something you like to do, and try to keep yourself busy. I know you can make it thru this, everyday you will get stronger and stronger.
You are in my prayers

Old 10-12-2004, 11:20 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 77
octomon HB User
Re: just checking in

Hi again Kel,
Cookie is right you are not alone. And you know, your fiance I'm sure does not realize the impact of things he may say, because he cannot understand your pain. But if you can get yourself to some meetings, maybe bring him along at some point. When he better understands what you're up against, he will be more compassionate, and because he loves you he will want to help you, which will bring you both closer and most importantly you won't feel alone in this.

Last edited by octomon; 10-12-2004 at 11:21 AM.

Old 10-12-2004, 10:27 PM   #6
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: mass
Posts: 64
daisye14 HB User
Re: just checking in

Thanks so much cookie51 and octomon for your kind words of encouragement, you have no idea how much better that makes me feel knowing people like you understand what im going through.It is day two no vikes.Yay. I have an rx for ultram (only 50 mgs) twice daily and it is non-narcotic, it really helps curb my wds and cravings and improves my state of mind.I am making sure I am not abusing it,I have 25 pills and I will wean mysef off the ultram trust me it is not my drug of choice, it just helps the wds.So yes im rambeling again,lol, but anyways bless you all for your inspiring words,goodnight,kel.

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