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Old 10-11-2004, 05:26 PM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Indiana
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Thumbs down Addicted To Everything

I started using at 13 with pot and acid. At 17 I was an alcoholic. By my 20's I was smoking crack and getting high on speedballs by injection. Started going to treatment centers. Moved (geographical cure, yeah right) and stayed sober awhile. Got addicted to Hydrocodone. Went on Methadone. Started smoking crack again. Got sober and stayed sober in A.A. for almost three years. Started messing around with pain pills again and led to crack cocaine. Periods of sobriety (short) off and on. Four years ago, started on benzodiazapines. Since Jan. 1st of 2004, have drank a FEW times, taken pain pills a FEW times, have started enjoying smoking pot after all these years, and am having a hard time with these benzo's. I went into detox a month ago but left. Don't want to live without them. Now I am out and am going to go through the withdrawels and it just sucks. My fiance just doesn't understand. I know I should go back to detox, get off these things, and get back into A.A. Just not willing right now. Life seems hopeless. Tried to commit suicide a month and a half ago, as well. Any feedback would be welcome. Jennifer

 
Old 10-12-2004, 06:05 AM   #2
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 112
mother of six HB User
Re: Addicted To Everything

Why don't you want to live without the drugs? I was married to a crack addict for 10 years. It was so difficult to watch him slowly "die" before my eyes. For what reason....to get high??? My children have not seen or heard from their father in 4 1/2 years because of drugs. It's so sad to watch talented, loving people destroy their lives for a buzz or because they refuse to face reality. I know it doesn't feel like it but life is a wonderful gift that we have been given. This is your only chance to experience some beautiful moments if you would allow yourself to "feel" life instead of medicating yourself. I probably sound incredibly harsh and you think that I don't understand but I do. I am bipolar and have struggled with depression since the age of 12. I am now 39. I went through the drug phase also. Did every drug available. I realized that drugs take you nowhere. But that didn't stop me from drinking, alot. One high to the other. It's not worth it. Drugs are a one way street to nowhere! I'm sure you are an incredible person who needs to be loved! Don't throw away your life anymore! Through your experiences maybe you could help someone who is "lost" in this world. You obviously are a strong person otherwise you probably would have died years ago! You are being kept alive for a reason. Take the time to find out what that reason might be! I'll pray for you .
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Old 10-15-2004, 02:09 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kitchener, Ontario
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hopelives HB User
Re: Addicted To Everything

It sounds like you really want to recover and you have taken many steps along the road to try and that tells me that you are stronger than you think. It is not easy I am sure but it sounds like you are nearly there. A friend of mine chairs a group called women for sobriety and she says that it is great alternative for women struggling with addictions and it is focussed on womens needs and it helps you to build self esteem and strength. I know they have a websire and there may be meetings in your area. I will try to look up the site name for you. You may find it a source of strength like my friend. She struggled with alcohol and serious drug addiction for over 15 years and is now just finishing a university degree. There is hope out there. Best of luck, and I think you are a very brave person who has come a long way.

 
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