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Old 10-14-2004, 04:14 AM   #1
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Join Date: May 2003
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lisaaahubb HB User
Cool I'm back.........

Well guys...alot has been going on over here for me, but somehow, once again i have managed to get clean off of the pills, under EXTREME circumstances.
It started last Tues., my hubby got called to Pensecola, Florida to do some rebuilding from the hurricane. So he and my older son and step-son hopped in the car and took off for Florida. My daugher, 2 yr old and i were to fly down and meet them at my parents and hang out there while he worked. Well i get down there and my mother informs me that my dad is having troubles with his heart and is going to need a heart procedure. He is pretty young, early 50's and has always been in top health, so this surprised me. But as i stayed there i learned he was taking nitrous(?SP) for his chest pains and he was always tired and winded. Well between that and the kids running amuck in their 2 million dollar home, i blew thru my script in the first few days. Here comes the wierd part...i had NO w/d symptoms to speak of. I really believe it is mostly mental now. I had very minor tummy issues, so minor that a half of immodium cured it for the day. By day 2 we were in Disney and i felt a little short tempered and was sweating but it was 85 degrees and i was having woman issues as well.....so who knows if it was that or w/d.....
I really believe being active and staying busy is the key.
Well we came home yesterday.....my parents are on the atkin's diet and to say the least...the food sucked!!!! You all know how i complain constantly about how skinny i am.....well between stress, w/d and their horrible "no-carb" foods I lost like 7 lbs in a week!!!! I HAD to come home. i was starting to get pretty nerved up and i was STARVING!!!! My hubby made me a wonderful "full of fat" dinner last night and my body was loving it!!!! There's no place like home, i called my younger sister and her hubby to come down there and help my mom out for a week or so. He won't be getting anything done til the 19th, which his ironically HIS father's b-day, who passed about 8 years ago. My 2 yr olds b-day is SATURDAY!!!! so i wanted to give him a party at home too. The weather was so hot and now that i am back in CT i am FREEZING but fall is my favorite and i was getting terribly home-sick. I never really got along with my parents growing up and they aren't really close to me, like they are to my sister,so that was starting to stress me too. The baby was running around the house, with antiques and glass table everywhere, it was beyond stressful. He seemed happy to be home yesterday too!!!The kids LOVED Disney, so did i. My hubby wasn't too thrilled, but he put on a happy face for the day to soothe me. He isn't a people person, and the crowds and line-waiting was driving him nuts, but he hung in there like a trooper. No one knew i was w/ding. I barely noticed myself. Yesterday and today i have that "pink cloud" effect going on, so i am enjoying it while it lasts. I have one dental procedure left and am going to put it off, it is wisdom teeth being pulled, and they aren't bothering me, so i'm not putting myself threw this at this time. I am also going to be have another cone biopsy in the beginning of Nov. so i will need you guys alot then to walk me thru it. But as of now, i am clean and feeling very grateful for today. Theres no place like home, but the change of atomosphere was really good for me. I was only doing a few a day, so that is probably what a "normal" person is like getting off of them. They make me so crabby anyway now. I think i have so much more patience off of them, then on.
Then we came home to find that our water supply in our town is infected with E-coli YUCK!!! They have gotten military water trucks in the schools, and we are to boil all water before using it for anything!!! Today we will find out if we can use it or not.....ugggggghhhhhh!!!!!
Oh well i just wanted to check in and let everyone know what has been happening. i gotta boil some pans of water before the baby gets up.
I missed you guys and let me know what is up with all of you. I see alot of newbies which is always a good thing. To all you new ones in recovery....keep your eye on the prize and DON"T obcess about w/d, just go with the flow and stay active and do meetings.
I will check back later in the a.m.....
luv you guys
LISA

 
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Old 10-14-2004, 06:43 AM   #2
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Twinlynn HB User
Smile Re: I'm back.........

Lisa -

I was really so happy to hear from you and to know that all is okay. I was very aware that you hadn't written in awhile! So....I was hoping all was well.

You've done so well to get off those pills....and how great to get that special "gift" of not having to go through those awful withdrawals this time! A "pink cloud" sounds like a good way to feel...but I'm not familiar with that term. Do you mean that you've been feeling good, lately? Great!!

It's good that you got to see your parents. And, you know, it wasn't until I was older that I got so very close to mine. Somehow, as time passes, you slowly come to see your own ideas merging more with your parents. I found that I changed...and they did. Or, maybe, I just accepted the differences between us more, and I realized that those difference didn't matter quite so much, as we all got older!

I can just picture your kids (paticularly the two year old) trying their best to dismantle your parents' home. I still remember my friends' little two year old boy coming through my apt door...and you just KNEW he was thinking "hmmm...what can I destroy FIRST." He would then systematically make his way thru every lower shelf...and toss the stuff out of his way, if he wasn't interested in it! I learned to hide everything breakable. Including this amusing mechanical tin frog I had in my frog collection. Well, the next time Alex came with his Dad, he ran straight to that shelf where it'd been and looked up at me, and asked "What you do dat frog (or "fwog", as he pronounced it!) He was so funny! And so persistant! :-)

Anyway, life sounds pretty busy for you! :-)

What exactly is a "cone" biopsy" Didn't Dallas Alice say she had had one? You might ask her, if you wanted more info. about her's. Anyway, you will have lots and lots of hands to hold as you go thru this biopsy!

I've been so blah lately and just learned yesterday, when I saw my plastic surgeon about this foot wound, that although he's decided he won't have to do the skin graft operation, it will still require another month in bed with my leg elevated!! So....! That makes two months in bed so far! And one more to go! Plus, he's decided that I should have this mole I have taken off.

I think what I miss most is being cheated out of the autumn....my very favorite time of year. I love the fall so much. But all I can do right now is peer out my window down the hill towards Riverside Park and watch the treetops turn russet and gold!

I intend to get on the Suboxone..but it's so tough to get back and forth to a doctor right now. I'm in the city, don't have a car...and have to hire a car service to get around, with my foot!! Can't take public transport. Ah well...I'm going to just have to do it!

Anyway, so good to hear you've been okay and getting out and about. I do hope your water is usable again! My apt. building is constantly having these gigantic pipe leaks, where the water is turned off all day. Ugh!!!

Lynn

 
Old 10-14-2004, 09:03 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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ScaredHelpless HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hey Lisa,
You proabably dont even remember exactly who I am since you probably go around giving GREAT advice to everyone....you have always posted great advice to me, and I just wanted to say Thank-you and let you know how happy I am for you to be doing so well, I have a question I am going into Day one of OXY W/Ds as I think you have read recently, but do you think its a better idea to stay busy and go for walks even go to work, thank stay home and dwell on it??? Some people say just stay home?? WHatis your advice?
Thanks for everything Lisa the wayyou put things, really hit me and inspire me...so thank you!

 
Old 10-15-2004, 04:42 AM   #4
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Join Date: May 2003
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lisaaahubb HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hey SH!!!! I have found what works for ME during w/d is to stay totally busy. The more i lay around the crappier i feel, it seems like if you are laying around it is almost like you are just "waiting for the hell to start" and i really do believe a lot of it is in our heads. Of course, the higher the dose you are coming off of has alot to do with it too. Just remember, if it is just opiates you are coming off of, you are NOT gonna die, you WILL get thru this. Stay strong and focused. My main suggestion is to get immodium. No matter what type of dosage you are coming off of, you will get major stomach issues, it stops the runs and controls the nasty stomach cramps. Believe me, every dam time i go into w/d something MAJOR in my life happens and i am forced to get up and get moving. Over the summer, I had to throw my daughter's surprise 15th b-day party in FULL w/d and it was hot as hell that day!!! The shopping, cooking, planning, EVERYTHING had to be done. So basically is what i am saying, is go for it.....stay busy, i really think that is the key to an easier w/d. Walking helps me tremendously too. Just the frest air, just bring a water bottle w/ya and remember to take some immodium about a 1/2 an hour before your walk. Take some vitamins too....multi-vitamin. We are run down and most of us pill-poppers don't get the proper nutrition. I always lose a lot of weight when i go thru w/d.....just don't have an appetite, but eating is a must, i have learned. Just be careful not to eat anything that will aggrevate your symptoms, i would stay away for spicy, or fried food....maybe try some bananas, bagels, Propel fitness water or Gatorade, Ensure shakes work really good if you can choke them down. I am only a few days straight over here myself, i can tell you all the advice in the world on how to manage w/d.....it is KEEPING myself pill=free AFTER the w/d that i can't seem to grasp. Support and minimal stress is a MUST right now. Stick around here, this was and IS my ONLY support. My hubby just doesn't give a crap if i am dope-sick or not, he feels i popped the pills---so it is on me to carry on my "duties" as mommy/wife because i am the one that got myself into this predictament.
Hey it just empowers you the more you can accomplish during w/d. STick with it...you will see the relief to be free of those pills soon enough.
I am routing for ya!!!!!!
luv,
LISA

 
Old 10-15-2004, 04:55 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2003
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lisaaahubb HB User
Re: I'm back.........

TGIF Lynn!!!!! I am so sorry to hear that you are on this bed-rest thing. I feel so bad for you. I hope your healing progresses soon
As for the "pink cloud"....it is something that happens to some when we are new in recovery.....like a relief that you aren't a prisoner to the pills, and everything starts feeling again.....sex drive comes back, you start noticing things that the pills have dulled, like maybe how beautiful a tree looks in the sunset, or how things smell. It is hard to explain. You will know when you go thru it
I don't know about this disease anymore, it baffles me. I am so dam ****** at myself for getting hooked. I am afraid that this is going to be a life-time, daily struggle. It isn't at all like when i kicked alcohol or cocaine in my youth. This drug does something to our brain's chemistry making it almost impossible to be "normal" ... I guess i know the true meaning of a "junkie" now
Well as for the fall...this is my favorite time of the year as well. I love the colors and the fresh air. It is so invigorating. You should have someone get you out on a wheelchair for a walk or something....staying couped up must be wearing on ya. You are hanging in there like a trooper. I wouldn't worry so much about cleaning up your act right now....just concentrate on making yourself comfortable so you are able to lay around. I'll bet you have been reading alot of books...any good ones???? Of course, it has to have drugs, and sex in a book for it to keep me turning the pages...LOL LOL
How's your sister doing???? I didn't see any posts from her lately, although i am still playing catch-up.
And Michelle and Dallas Alice, ChristianMom, Baseball, and Deerme i haven't heard from in ages...maybe i'll have to start another thread....
Well Lynn....try to get better soon. It is always good to chat with ya...
luv,
LISA

 
Old 10-17-2004, 07:04 PM   #6
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Join Date: Jun 2004
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DallasAlice HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hi Lisa,

Had my kids with me this week, so not much computer time for mom, but before I settle in for the night I wanted to write you as I noticed this thread a few days back.

I feel that if I were able to have quit taking the vikes c/t, I would be doing a cycle a lot like yours...off and on, off and on, and off and on. You have had some very valid reasons for pain relief; however, and I wonder sometimes if you aren't a bit too hard on yourself for using during that time? It always sounds like you are very disciplined when going thru something medical and it never reads like your posts of days gone by when it was binging and splurging and doing the "dr., may I have some more please?" dance that we've all been so guilty of! I don't know, but maybe you aren't really relapsing, maybe you have gained enough self-determination and discipline to be able to use when you need them and not use when you don't? Unless I missed something...but sincerely, you sound so good and you do so much that I think you are like a totally different Lisa then the one I used to read posts from last year ! I suspect you just want off the merry go round of pills regardless of the medical issues, and that may be why you get PO'd...you need some pain relief, and with the ulcer and stomach issues, well, all valid fingers point to using your scripts as directed and you, in all your "Lisa-stubborness" doesn't want to be told to take this many at this time of the day! You do know what's best for you, though, and what works for you, and that is always something that I loved reading in your posts while I was lurking...like how will Lisa handle it this time?! But truly, you are very different now (for the better) than then, and I think you know that, too. Maybe you could just flash that beautiful smile of yours at yourself sometimes and see things as being okay for now and better than in the past...?

Self-medicating was always a lot more fun for me than taking them "as directed," and by then, for me anyway...one every 4-6 hours was like taking a couple of tylenol when I was feeling good! To truly touch any kind of real physical pain, it would easily take 3 of the 10s every couple of hours. That's one of the things that concerns me about being on the methadone...if I have a medical procedure or have any real pain issues get worse, then the meth clinic doc has to write a letter to my primary doc (or surgeon or whoever) that I am on methadone and will require much more of whatever for pain relief. And another thing about that is I really don't want my family dr. to find out about this as he's been my dr. for 17 yrs. and was one of the ones who was giving me vikes (50/mth). I rec'd a note from his office that he would like to see me to go over my meds (it's routine, we did that about once a year before) but I don't EVEN want to see him as I've gone down to one benzo a day from 3, and 0 vikes from a couple a day (from him anyway), so I don't know how to approach it other than to say that truthfully I am trying to get off of them and just leave out the part about having to use a methadone clinic in order to do so as I wasn't taking just 50/mth, I was taking 3-500 a month!!! Yikes, it spooks me just to type and read that...

Well, I just really wanted to say hi, and that maybe you could say to yourself that you are way better now than before and for now and for you, that is okay, too. I could never have been as disciplined as you and have done it without the aid of something else, whether it was this meth or sub or detox or something, but never c/t or a taper or even taking them as prescribed, so my hat is off to you once again...

Lynne...I am so sorry to hear about your foot holding you hostage! I guess it is a good thing that you have the kind of personality where being home doesn't bother you all that much, yet I'm sure some cabin fever has set in to some degree. I understand about the fall...it is so beautiful here, and today my kids and I drove out to the forest for ice cream outside...upper 60's, sunny and blue sky, and pine trees and yellow aspens all around. I am teaching my son to drive, and he drove the whole 25 miles! It was a lot of fun. Now that he's the driver, he can rule the radio, so I got to hear a lot of the music they listen to, and you know what? Some of it isn't half bad if you really, really listen close--it's kind of funny because to me, it sounds mostly like just a variation of Motown and disco with some cuss words thrown in for shock value! It was his H.S. homecoming this weekend...so there was truly an autumn feel in the air. I have to admit that while I was sitting outside his school last night at midnight waiting to pick him up, I was watching all the girls all dressed up in their heels and long dresses and corsages and I had to flash on my homecoming circa 1972, and I couldn't help but look at those fresh young faces and the cute boys with the cute girls and wonder what in the heck was wrong with me that made me want to be what I became...a drug addict? These kids have the whole world and their whole lives in front of them and I felt such a hint of melancholy at my regret over time not well spent and time lost. But I guess I have to just hang on to this new life I am trying to make for myself now and see if good things come to those who change...

I am very happy for you and your decision to go on the sub! I hope to hear you write more about that soon. Will twin Alice be doing the same? You two could do it together and how great to have that support and help from someone so close. Whatever you chose and however you chose to do it, just know that I am always on your side, okay? You have always been there for me with tons of encouragement and positive feedback and total understanding, and I would love to be able to give some of that back. I don't know if you and your sis really know how much help and how big a role you had in my quitting the vikes and going to the clinic...I hope you do, because you did.

With all my love and much respect, take care Lisa and Lynn, and please know that it is people like you and stories like yours that drew me in to this board and then further in to the point where I finally reached out even more for the help I knew I needed but didn't know how to get. You all do so much, yet sometimes I think you don't realize that you do anything at all...and for that I love you the most. And so my gal pals, for what it's worth, you've got a friend in me.

Love,
Dallas Alice

p.s. Lisa, yes I had a cervical conization done in 1986 (the day after Xmas), and I'd talk to you about it anytime. Fortunately the surgery got all the cancer and I never had to do anymore treatment as I had clean borders. Sometimes they do the cone biopsy as a more radical way to treat the pre-cancerous cells as well rather than the cryosurgery and laser options. Let me know what's going on, okay?

 
Old 10-18-2004, 04:02 AM   #7
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lisaaahubb HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hi Dallas!!!! You always seem to soothe me with your posts. I think you might be right about me being too hard on myself. I am doing well and tackling one health problem at a time. It DID scare the crap outta of me this time when i didn't even get W/D....don't need my addict mind telling me THAT!!!
I have been busy myself. My baby just turned three on Sat. and with my dad's heart procedure tomorrow, my husband and his issues....i barely have any "me" time. I guess i should really start including "me time" on my list of things to do. That would be the only way i would take a breather for myself. We still have e-coli in our water and it is starting to make me wonder what the heck is going on and why has it been 12 or so days now and they still can't get the bacteria out of the water.....they are having us boil...but claim that we can shower and use dishwasher....my daughter developed a really bad urinary tract infection. She was very ill...and thank God ...i had some of her med. saved from a few months ago when she had the same thing. The doctors are saying that e-coli CAN be linked to urinary tract infections in women...so this water company will be hearing from me today and i am considering calling a lawyer. Apparently an employee left a cap off in the water plant and something got into the water supply and DIED...YUCKY!!!!!
It is grosser than gross to me!
So here i sit, no one knowing how weak i really am but you guys.....being the "strong and happy one". It wears the ****** outaa me at times. I just go up in my room and cry. Trying to let some steam off.
Today i plan to work on being easier on myself,
Dallas, you really opened me eyes up to that.
Thank you...youu don't really even realize how much that post helped me.
keep in touch
luv,
LISA
P.s. sound like you are doing really well. Enjoying the kids and the beautiful weather....Ahhhhhhhhhh now that is what life is about
Enjoy!!!!!!

 
Old 10-24-2004, 06:00 AM   #8
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deerme HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hey Lisa. its been awhile since I have checked out "The Boards". Been pretty busy with work and all. Trying to get enough wood cut to last our 8 month winter in Buffalo. Everything is pretty much the same. My PM Doc. put me on Naproxen. It does wonders with my pain issues, so I dont take nearly as many Hydros. Talk soon.

 
Old 10-24-2004, 05:04 PM   #9
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Location: Texas
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Sarandipity HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Hey Lisa! I did my research at the rehab I was at and found out if you have surgery and you HAVE TO HAVE pain killers. Taking them for 14 days is ok but no longer and that is only in extreme circumstances.

There are addiction doc's who can give you something else.
I read your posts about no w/d, thats b/c it was under 14 days.

Love you Lisa,,,,, Got to get the girls ready for bed.


And I am Soooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you btw.

Love,
Sara
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 10-25-2004, 03:45 AM   #10
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lisaaahubb HB User
Re: I'm back.........

HI DEERME!!!!
I figured you were out in the woods or choppin' wood....I love the fall, it is so beautiful here in the Northeast...the leaves are gorgeous this year!!!! I do think it is gonna be a cold and snowy winter though.....
What is naproxen...isn't it like advil, but a bit stronger. I had to take that before...it is ROUGH on the ol gut!!!! It does work wonders for pain though.
I am glad to hear that it is keeping your "intake" down though...that is definitely a PLUS
I was happy to see a post from you. What else is new????
My daughter is in high school now and i am dealing with her wanting to get into cars with boys God help me.....LOL
My son is starting his social life now too...with a lapse in his baseball, he is finally able to do things on the weekend with his friends.
And my baby just turned 3...he is a handful...i think it should be called the "terrible threes" not twos...LOL LOL LOL
My hubby is about the same...i have just learned how to deal with him, and i do not feed into his bullsh*t when he starts his crap.
Well, i hope this Monday finds you well...write back soon, i really miss you and Willow.
luv,
LISA

 
Old 10-25-2004, 03:52 AM   #11
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lisaaahubb HB User
Re: I'm back.........

Sara
Good morning!!! Welcome home!!!!!
I am so happy for you....you must feel so much more confident now.
It is such a relief to not be a slave to those dam pills, isn't it???
I was extremely relieved to read your post and now it make more sense to me that i didn't have w/d....
I do have one more procedure to be done with my teeth....the back teeth pulled and a bridge put in....i have been putting it off, cuz i hate to be back on the pills again, even if it is only short-term. They screw with my brain and moods too much.
But i am smiling like crazy these days
It feels so good to be secure in your own skin.
I can actually look in the mirror these days and LIKE what i see.
Well keep that info flowing...you are helping so many out here and don't even know it. It is good to have you back, Sara
Keep up the good work, and have an awesome Monday
luv,
LISA

 
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