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Old 10-21-2004, 11:42 PM   #1
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Sarandipity HB User
Exclamation SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

If only you could of been a fly on the wall. Ive never laughed so hard in my life with the funest bunch of SOBER people in the world. I just added to the thread, " Im off to Rehab" so look on that thread too. Ok, I am detoxing and on Pheonobarb, Bentyl, Quinine, Clonidine, (the Suboxone came a few days later), Im feeling like crap in my Special Care Unit garb on, (looking real sexy with my hair messed up, no make up, a size XL scrubs on,(( I wear an XS)), and Im as pale as a sheet of paper) Im sitting in a "communtiy meeting" and jonesing for some poppy seeds. All of a sudden they ask "are there any new people in the community?" "Could you please stand up" I stand up and the community startes saying REALLY LOUD,
SKIP, SKIP, SKIP, SKIP and this guy is skipping over towards me with this big white basket with a red bow tied to it with a bunch of coins in it. Everyone in the place is stairing at us (about 100 people), and the guy is holding a peice of paper up and reading off of it he says to me " Please state your name, where your from, and your drug of NO CHOICE " I said my name, my city, and Opiates, or anything in pill form I could take to get the warm and fuzzys. THEN THE COMMUNITY SAID ALLTOGETHER AND REALLY LOUD " Hey Sara, glad your here buddy, YYYYEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAY, get down and stay sober !!!!! " Then they clapped there hands and stomped there feet.

I was thinking to myself- ok, this isent going to work. Then I made friends- which was something I was not used to because I had isolated and used for so long. There were SO many different people there. From so many different walks of life.

I have so much to tell you. It's going to take me a long time to sit down and give a tiny portion of so much Ive learned.

There is a key to soberity. I want to help everyone and tell you what It took me 31 days to learn. I was up and at the first meeting at 6:30 am every morning, and not back at my room until 11:00 everynight. (That was curfew), I worked harder than I have ever worked in my life, I was fighting for my life - and I went to every class every meeting and every focus group.

There were heroin addicts, meth addicts, alcoholics, crack users, cutters or self mutalators, opiate heads, coke heads, benzo users, baillemics, bi polars in the manic state, bi polar in the depressed state, doctors of every kind, chronic relapsers, family men, women who have lost their childern, 15 year old in the youth group, people in their 60's, rich people, poor people, people who where court mandated to be there, people who were still in denail, school teachers, this disease does not care who you are!

It was scary to see the different phases of how the disease progresses.

Im glad to be home and even happier than Ive ever been in my life. My mind is focused for the first time in my life. I tried every drug to try and feel normal my whole life when I only needed God, and the tools to stay Recoverd.

Going to bed now. Took my little melatonin... ha ha! I will talk to you all tomorrow. Boy do I have a lot of catchin up to do with my friends, family, work, and most of all my children. I curled my little girl's hair with those foam rollars tonight. Yep, Sara is doing all the "little things" which mean so much in life- that I could not or would not do b 4 because I was too busy counting my pills and getting those warm fuzzies which turning into a living nightmare.

Love you all and missed you something bad!

Love,
Sara
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
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Old 10-22-2004, 06:06 AM   #2
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goddessgrl65 HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Hi Sara-
So good to hear you DID it!
And you made a real commitment-31 days is a great start-all my detox's were the spin dry variety-5-7 days..didn't work..
But- you got actual treatment-can't wait to hear all about it...
This is the fresh start you've been looking for-and you must be mostly done w/ the physical w/d's..so-you can get on w/ life..
YAY for you...
Im considering detox from suboxone-when i come off-if it seems like i am in relapse mode-its straight to treatment for me..
I am soooo done w/ being a professional drug addict..lol
I have a year in Nov.-w/ no other opiates/needles etc..and i never want to go back-im too old anyway-ill never make it thru another run..
Detox/rehab-can seem like summer camp-not quite-but get a few good gals to surround yourself w/ and bond-and its really a pleasant experience-cos you are all going thru a similar process-and having others to go thru it w/..helps.
I bet when you got home you felt so good-and grateful..for your life/home/kids/..hold on to that-and you might want to consider either therapy or meetings to keep on top of that monster-but you know that..
Did they give you an aftercare plan?
Peace-Love-
ggrl

 
Old 10-22-2004, 06:19 AM   #3
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Twinlynn HB User
Talking Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Serendipity!!!

I'm sitting here at the computer, and--having read your two posts and been just flooded with joy for you--would you believe that, now, I cannot think of one coherent thing to say!! For the past month, I've so often thought about you...and how wonderful it will be to welcome you home...and to hear all your thoughts about all you've discovered--from philosophies to friends. And, now, you ARE right here!! Yet--any and all of the words I couldn't wait to say to you--are now just stuck in my brain--bouncing around from synapse to synapse--without one single articulate sentence I can spit out! LOL!! Unbelievable,, eh??!! :-)

Okay -- but at least let me say how very, very happy I am to have you back--and to know that your new life has begun. It sounds as if you've been started on a pathway paved with a gold mine of information, education, humor--and love!! And, now you are back with all your friends who will be here to share the rest of your journey.

sooooo good to have you back! love, Lynn

 
Old 10-22-2004, 06:20 AM   #4
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Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Hi Sara,

I know we've never written in the past, but I just wanted to tell you that your post made me both laugh and cry. I cried when you wrote about curling your little girl's hair. It made me realize that sometimes we have to travel so far in life just to discover what was there all along--the good things that we take for granted every day.

I am addicted to Vicodin and am trying to taper off. There are days when those pills seem like the most important thing in the world to me, but your post made me realize that I have the most important thing in the world already--my family. Next time I'm helping them put on little shoes or fixing breakfast I'm going to stop and remember that and cherish it.

Thank you, and best wishes to you.

 
Old 10-22-2004, 07:17 AM   #5
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windysan HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Welcome back Sara. I'm off on a camping trip so I can't write much. Congratulations on a new beginning. Ride that pink cloud forever if possible. Make those meetings.........MOST IMPORTANT !!!

So glad you went, so glad you are back.


peace, serenity and all that...

w

 
Old 10-22-2004, 07:18 AM   #6
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Christine1984 HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Hey Sara, I knew today was the big today, that you were going to be back online!! I hope you didnt forget me! i am christina, the one that had a hard family life. just to refresh your memory i couldn't sleep much and i was taken seroquel. you can check out my post again if you forgot about me on your thread i finally admitted to my parents that i am adictted to pain pills! i posted there somewhere all about my life!! how you been sweety? how was rehab like? did u get a lot out of it? you will definetly be clean now, right? i stopped drugs and cigarettes and drinking cold turkey!!! now i am on psychiatric meds for 9 years now. i hate being on these meds, they make me more looney!!! did you make new friends at rehab? did you get there phone numbers? how were the meeting like? how are you feeling? Were your kids fine, when you were gone? when will u beable to return to work? are you going to beable to get your same job back? im doing okay, still not feeling to good, still getting tingiling sensations from my brain to my toes, for the past 8months now. I missed you girl. its been so lonely here without you. i think about you often and how u been doing in rehab!!! im not an addict, so i dont really belong on this board. so i dont fit in to well! so i hope everything is going great for you!!!! i hope you learned a lot and changed completely!!! take care!!! write back!! love ya, your friend, christina

 
Old 10-22-2004, 09:33 AM   #7
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RubySlippers HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Welcome Home SARA!!!! YeeeeeeHaaaawwww!!

I've missed you and have been thinking about you and how you were doing!!! I'm sooo glad you sound so good! It's wonderful that you curled your little girls hair - you're right...it's those little things, and you've caught it in time to make many, many more memories like that with your children. Mine is a teenager (15 going on 25 ) and I wish I had done more of those things with her.

Anyway, I'm glad you're back and you sound very well. Get some rest and then give a big 'ol post on your rehab experience!

Angela

 
Old 10-22-2004, 03:50 PM   #8
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Talking Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

I know no one is going to want to hear this and if fear of stepping on someone's toes is at the sake of their recovery it is something Im not going to be afraid of anymore.

I don't know your situation. But it does not matter. There is no way anyone is just going to taper off something if you are a alcoholic or an addict. If you are a "hard core user" you could be one of the 85 % ers out there. But, if you take a pill, and you take another, and another- and something bad happens as a result of your pill taken- like a negative consiquence- it could be anything... blacking out, driving under the infuence (even if you don't get in a wreck, if you miss one of your children's outtings... whatever/ IF you continue drinking or doing drugs GIVEN SUFFIENCENT REASON TO QUIT, you are a 15 %, you have the disease of alcoholism or addiction. If left untreated, and I don't just mean tapering off and white knockleing it... I mean if you don't realize no human can cure you of your disease and only a Higher Power (everyone knows what I mean, Im just being politicatlly correct) only a Higher Power can restore you to sanity, and you work the steps, and get a sponsor, and go to meetings, if left untreated you will go insane or be locked up or be 6 feet under the ground. Yes, your family and friends are there for you- but know you cannot do this on your own. Trying to taper off drug is like you are playing God. Detox not only in a hospital but a Treatment center. Im not trying to sell the one I went to in anyway- from experience I know it takes more than a week to detox and without the proper tools and guidence- you will be using again ( I know I would be using again if I did not get the knowledge from the treatment center) Im being serious right now because Ive seen what happens when people arent serious about really believing they have a disease and if left untreated the consequences are devistating.

I am very passionate about this now. My survival depends on helping other addicts and alcoholics, not only that.... I love you guys! I want to see everyone on this board get help and get sober. I used to type on this board three sheets to the wind. I know how disconnected I was now because I see, feel, and hear things in a whole new light. Being sober rocks!

Life is still not EASY out there being OFF of drugs.... But it's a lot EASIER than being out there ON drugs.



BE A DOPELESS HOPE FIEND.

I love yall' ,


Sara Ps. Im not brainwashed, just a heck of alot more knowledgeable than I was before I left.
Brenshay- thanks for your reply, my daughter told me I was "different" last night. Everyone can see the difference in my eyes, (my pupils are definatley not pin spots anymore ) Please go get help, you will be thankful.

Christina! Hi, I will write you back tomorrow. I have so much catching up to do with my kids, (like doing things with them for a change), I can't wait to talk to you.

Ruby, thanks for your reply!

Lynn, I have to tell you about the decor at the treatment center, polka *** clonidine walls were too cool! A fed ex truck pulled up in front of my room one morning and just about fell over laughing from the post you sent me re: my delivery.

Wishing you all the best. Anyone heard from Chris lately?
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 10-22-2004, 06:55 PM   #9
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Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Oh Sara baby...I am SOOOOOO extremely happy for you, for the beginning of your "new" life, and just the fact that you are back here with us!!!!! Your post literally had me crying like a big baby (I read it earlier today, but couldn't reply at the time). I can't wait to hear ALL about your treatment...I'll be anxiously awaiting all of your future posts (and you better stick around here, ya hear me?!!). I can't write much right now either, as I have 4 of my 5 crazy kids still up...so I need to get them to bed. If I get a chance to get back on the computer tonight, I'll write more then. Otherwise, I promise to write more this weekend. I'm just so extremely happy for you....and you are truly such and inspiration to so very many of us....I just can't express to you how proud I am of you and your strength. You have set such a wonderful example for all of us that are still hoping and praying to get clean, to stay clean, and to be honest about what we are going through.

You are my hero, Sara....I will write more soon, I promise!

 
Old 10-23-2004, 11:24 AM   #10
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Best Friend HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

SARA!!! Hiya kid! Ya made it! Can't wait to hear all your stories. You sound so wonderful and upbeat. And you obviously made very day there count. BIG HUGS!!!! More, later.
TwinAlice

 
Old 10-23-2004, 11:32 AM   #11
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Sarandipity HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

HEY CHRISTIAN MOM! I am SOOOOOOO much closer to God now. My desire to take pills has left me. Ive been to 4 meetings in 3 days. I have a sponsor, I am alert and alive, (I actually like myself now!), and Im on my 9th step- making amends. I don't lie anymore, I am HERE for my kids, (not just physically here.) Im taking tylenol, and ibprofen and I want to stop taking anything but I still have my backache although Im not taking 20 vics a day anymore and LIVING w/ the back pain. The vics were making my back hurt more. Bottom line is God wants a reationship with us. I don't know of any other disease where you have to pray everyday and have a relationship with God to be able to recover and be RECOVERED. It's ongoing.

How long have you been sober?

I can honestly say that until people have had enough. They will not get serious about getting sober until they are ready. I know I couldn't hear anything anyone was saying to me until I almost lost everything.

But it feels so good to be clean.

God was blessing me like crazy while I was using. Preventing me from overdosing, or hurting myself. Now... the blessings are endless. God just wanted to know me... it's simple.

Im gonna write you back. Going to the movies.. its rainning here.

Love,

Sara
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 10-23-2004, 11:34 AM   #12
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Sarandipity HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Alice,
Good to be back I missed you guys sooooo fridgin much. I wish yall could of been there. Ive never laughed so hard in my life, what a bunch of fun sober people. I have some stories that al make ya laugh. I can't wait to tell em. Going to movies, be back soon.

Love ya! Sara
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
Old 10-23-2004, 03:30 PM   #13
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mernee HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Glad you are home. I hope that you have the tools and techniques to stay clean and happy foreverrrrrrrrr. I am also glad that your experience was a pleasant one, it mde me laugh. I remember the first time I ever went to a detox I thought that everyone was insane. It so happens they were and so was I but, I made friendships there that continue with me to this day. It was a wonderful, life changing experience. Unfortunately, I did not stay clean after the first detox and had to go through a few however, it introduced me to a new way, and I knew after that there was a safe place for me and I knew where to turn when I was ready. Your inspiration, humour and new found freedom has totally made my day.

 
Old 10-23-2004, 03:51 PM   #14
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DallasAlice HB User
Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Ah Sara,

I'm so very happy that you are back and that you are sharing your experience at the rehab with us! I thought about you often while you were away, and I would ponder the "I wonder what Sara is doing right now?" scenario almost every day...especially when I was either heading to, or at my methadone clinic. You've given us a great insight into the world of rehab and the necessity of a higher power, and because you are someone I feel I know, like we've met in a way, I trust your words a lot, and I put much weight on them. I don't mean to make that into a large responsibility for you, I just want you to know that I trust and believe what you have written us, and that is primarily that we can't do this alone, and there is a lot of hard, hard work that surrounds being sober. My only frame of reference is the one little meeting I went to on my birthday, and I felt so very good afterwards, that I posted about it here on my b'day thread that Lisa started. The main thing I left that mtg. with is the knowledge that I have only barely begun to scratch the surface of this thing called addiction and recovery. I know that the tip of the tip of the iceberg is all I've seen, and even that little bit has changed me. I can only imagine what a month of condensed, intense treatment such as what you had can do for a person! And I am so very happy for you that you did it...and a bit jealous, too! I think I would be scared to death to go and do something like what you did as the reality of facing this is still a ways away for me, you know what I mean? I know the words, the cliche's, the medical terms, etc., but to actually deal with myself so close up and personal is a very scary sounding act. I hope to read more of your experience at this place as it is very motivating and powerful stuff to read, to say the least.

You are different, but there are still many of the original parts of the Sara I've grown so fond of that are still apparent in you. It is as if you have been able to blend together the old and new Sara into the person you are now, and the way you describe life and all that goes with it is very stirring...it is exciting to read and I can sense the intensity in your words, and yet your humor has remained, as has your love of your fellow addicts and cyber friends .

I'm happy you are home, and I can't wait to read more from you and hear about not just your rehab experience, but how you are now living your everyday life. When do you go back to work? I will be interested in hearing how you are received when you go back in! I hope they continue to be kind and understanding. And Sara, with this new knowledge and the new tools you have to help you on your way, how do you think you will deal with your ex now? I think a lot will be different for you...you are in control, and you have a new life to get out there and live, and I desperately want to know how the old habits and ways of interacting with people (like your ex and your work) will be replaced now that you have this renewed feeling of self.

With all my love and much respect for what you've accomplished...

Your friend, Dallas

 
Old 10-24-2004, 04:50 PM   #15
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Sarandipity HB User
Wink Re: SARANDIPTIY IS BACK FROM REHAB! Hi, Im Sara, and Im and Addict!

Ahhhhhhaaahhhhhh Dallas!
I missed you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much !

I keep getting these crazy thoughts like... I didn't even know my girls shoe sizes until I got sober. Or at least remember them! I THOUGH I was a functioning addict, but obviously the only person I was fooling is myself. So hows it going with you? You were at the meth clinic huh? There was a girl at the "treatment center" who was coming off heroin, and they gave her meth to taper off from the herion and she was in a lot of pain for 15 days- then she was feeling better. She is a famous model and lives in Houston, New York and LA, with lots of trips EVERYWHERE. She was a work of art! She came in one day b 4 me and the folks in SCU (detox unit) were gonna throw her out. She complainned about everything! At the MED WINDOW- picture a long line of people going threw withdrawl and waiting in line at this window for their meds- except for this one tall, beautifully messed up chick with lines all up and down her arms is COUNTING EVERY FREAKIN PILL and asking the mg of each pill. We all waited to stragle her, but we ended up loving her in the end.

Dallas, Ive realized- I will never be fixed. I have an illness which can be fatal if I don't treat it with meetings, a sponsor, helping other addicts and alcoholics and continuously working the steps. I am under construction for the rest of my life. It's funny... I have no desire to use. Ive had triggers like being at the movies. That was a huge trigger. I have triggers when I have a ton of stuff piled up on my plate and a room full of streaming kids- but I know if I take just one.... the phanomanom of CRAVING kicks back in and relapse is inevinable. Not gonna happen to this gal. Im gonna kick but in the sober world. Lovin being so confident in desicions. It's also great knowing Im not going to wake up hung over.

So what's been going on while I was gone. Plaaaaleeeeesse fill me in and let me know how you personally are doing.

Hey, heard from Chris? Getting worried.

Love ya, Lots more now than ever.....

Sara
__________________
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
-Sara

 
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