Well this is a big change from what I'm used to. I've been posting on the forums where you can buy drugs and experiences with that, which is what brought me here. I started off as many do with a legitimate medical problem that warrants heavy doses of pain killers and actually, I had about 3 medical problems like that in a row, so I was already well on my way before I even knew what was happening. So I finally decided to get help at a very large hospital where I live and join there program. I know I'm not telling a whole lot about my history, but for right now, until I get a little more comfortable here, I'd like to describe what's been happening to me so far and see if anyone else has been going through the same things....
It was so hard to make it into that first meeting, but after that, at least talking to the doc's and other patients became less scary and more helpful. I was taking about 100-120mgs a day of Norco, but had gone through the WD's many many times and was ready for it when I knew it was coming for the last time. I was off the norco 2 days before going in, and was given a clondine patch to wear for a week. It didnt really help much but the doc figured i would just be that much more worse off without it. Then I told him that it wasn't so much the physical w/d's anymore, but more the mental agony of cravings, and telling myself i dont' want it and going back and forth and trying to concentrate and not being able to. So he had me try Revia - anyone ever heard of it/tried it? - its an opiod antagonist and if you take while you are still taking drugs you will go into instant withdrawal. my urine test confirmed that the drug had been out of my system for almost 10 days when the doc gave me the Revia to try, so he figured it was safe. Well - i didn't have actual w/d's but the side effects of the medicine, which IS very similar to w/d's hit me harder than any time I've ever had them before. I mean - horrible. I went to see him yesterday and told me to stop taking it.
I've been asking him about Suboxone, which I think i'd like to try, but he prefers to give it a go with these other methods first. He says its more for people who have tried to get off a drug and has relapsed. He is able to prescribe subox, but since he works for a big clinic and b/c they only have so many spots, he pretty much reserves them for employees of the clinic since they aren't allowed to go anywhere else for treatment like that. I understand and if it came to that, i would just have to find someone else, but I don't know if i can do that on my own and still be in treatment at the other clinic. I don't trust myself and am living in torture right now and I think would really benefit from having something that would help with the cravings while I'm learning the mental tools to help overcome this disease.
phew - sorry for the long winded first post. i'm scared and ashamed and so dumbfounded as to how i let myself get to this point. i suppose thats what im going to overcome with treatment, but i know i won't last long feeling this shameful and miserable.
i've been reading posts for awhile now and you all seem so wonderful and supportive of each other. i hope i can become involved with that as well. feel free to ask me questions about my experience and please share with me. i need the support!!!