Well, let me begin by saying its way beyond out of control. I am sick of feeling like I need one to do anything, to get up in the morning, to go out to eat, to function! They are my life and my life is nothing.... It started at 4 7.5 per day now I take 10mg/10 pills Norco. How can I stop? no one knows, I am all alone and scared, I am crying right now, how did I get this far? Addicts run in my family so I should have know this would happen to me.....
Last edited by stillfromny; 10-22-2004 at 02:30 PM.
Well, unfortunately I can't give you much GOOD advice...because I'm right where you are now. I do suffer from a chronic medical condition in which I'm legitimately prescribed this drug, but what scares me is how much I actually ENJOY the feeling it gives me, the "false" energy it gives me, AND....the fact that I easily take more than prescribed. I struggle with this every moment of everyday...I try to cut down, and although I do not feel withdrawal symptoms, I feel tremendous pain. I'm a 31 yr old Mother of 5 young children, and I do a darn good job parenting them I must add...not only that, I am an active member in my church (which means absolutely NOTHING unless a person is actually in church for the RIGHT reasons, which I know that I am...because Jesus Christ is my saviour, my best friend, the one and only person in my entire life that has never failed me and has ALWAYS been there for me, etc...I could go on and on....), I also work part-time (but from home), and I have been considered "Super Mom/Wife" by many. I just feel like such a hypocrite...and I feel so very guilty for not being able to do all of this without my medication. I take many medications...not just the pain meds. Not including the pain medication, I take 18 pills a day just trying to get my health issue back into remission. But you know what?! Enough about me..........YOU are the one crying out for help, and I can guarantee you that you've come to the right place. There are SO many loving, caring, understanding people here that can and will help you by giving you wonderful advice, stories of recovery, stories of their own personal "hell", etc. I truly believe in my heart that God has put all of us here together for a reason...to help one another. I know that I spend EVERY evening on here, although I don't post that often. I'm still so scared to share "too much". BUT...sometimes that is the only way we can truly receive the help we need and deserve. Let me just ask one question...how long have you been on the pain meds. total? And how long at the dosage you are on now? I've stopped cold-turkey several times now (to be honest, because of this major guilty conscious I have, I've never been on pain meds longer than a TOTAL of 4 months....and most of the time its more like a month or two...BUT...I know that can and will change if I don't get some things figured out soon). The reason I'm here is because I KNOW I LOVE these pills way too much, and like you said...I need them to function. I literally have to take them before I even get out of bed in the morning right now. Now back to getting off of them....that is actually the easy part. The hard part is staying off (and I actually argued with people in this very forum after my first experience of taking pain meds and then having to go cold-turkey off of them....I thought that once I got through the horrid withdrawals, then my life would be right back to "normal" again, and I would NEVER allow myself to overdo it again...boy, was I ever wrong). As far as withdrawals themselves...it truly varies from each individual...according to the amount you are taking, how long you have taken them, etc. I've had times where I literally thought I would die, and then I've had times where I didn't really feel anything at all other than some slight insomnia and some occasional diarrhea. Just remember one thing, typically (at least in my case and some others here as well) the worst is over after 4-5 days. I usually feel the worst on the 2nd day, and then gradually get better after that. By the 5th day, I'm usually feeling just fine physically (now, mentally is another story...I tend to get very emotional, cry a ton, etc). Once again, it all depends on how long you have been using, and how long you've been at the dosage you are at now. I truly believe you will receive much better advice from others here that (God Bless them!) had taken these pills for literally YEARS, and had gone cold-turkey. I can't even possibly imagine. I know that you will get some responses from others though, and they will probably be way more helpful. I guess I'm just mainly rambling here to let you know that I do know your fears, and I do know the pain (mentally) that you are going through as well...and I also just wanted to reply to you so that you know that *I* do care about you! I know MANY people here are going to feel the same way. Just keep opening up to us, and leaning on us for support....it's easy for me to say those words, but it's still hard for me to do. As long as YOU feel comfortable sharing with us, then you will receive so much love and support it will become overwhelming!!! It's a good thing, though! You NEED people that understand you right now...and that is why I say you have come to the right place!
I have to apologize for rambling non-stop with this post~ haha~ I've literally wanted to just delete it and try again later, but the way my crazy life is, I probably would not ever respond if I waited. I just don't want you to feel like you are not going to receive support here, or that no one here is going to care about you....because I can GUARANTEE that you are already cared about just from your one small post. So please...keep posting, and lean on us. We are all here for you...and I just KNOW that you will receive a ton of wonderful advice and support.
Hang in there, and please......wipe those tears away and know in your heart that you are NOT alone anymore. I'm praying for you tonight...and I'm going to be following your posts, so please stick with us, okay?!
Hi Still from Ny,
First of all,you are definitely NOT alone.There are dozens of us here with the same problem in different stages.
Second,you're not irretievably lost.10 norcos a day is quite a bit,but not an unbeatable or unheard of habit.
I Imagine you'd like to do something about it,or you wouldn't have posted.You are in Luck!!
Being in NY gives you the most treatment options of any geographical location on the planet.I wished many-a-time I was in NY as I've been looking for help in the last few weeks.
How you quit/taper depends on how much and for how long,and what your financial and living situations are.
First off,you should come clean to an M.D. not necessarily the one you've been getting your meds from,but you have to start somewhere and the law requires them to give you some sort of assistance...they don't just call the cops and lock you up.Perhaps if you haven't been on Norc's that long they can taper you backwards thru the ranks.
also,you could look into in-patient detox,or nowadays with hydro users,outpatient de-tox or maintainance.
The first time I posted on this board,I was under the impression that this was like an AA meeting and I was the only one still using....WRONG..
This is a tough deal ,this painkiller thang.
Many of the people on this board have been struggling for years,others are on maintainance,and others are totally sober.
Whatever you post here,you'll find support and advice but never judgement......that comment about "..I should have known better"..
Everybody in my family except my mom is a addict of some kind...we all get a ton of warnings...you might as well be mad about what color your hair is.
..oh yeah,,,,sorry about the Yankees (my team is the Angels)
I just checked your string history and you've been doing the 10-a-day-mambo for at least 6 months.I also noticed you're doing the internet MD mambo.
You might want to look into doing the sub thing.Thats what I'm starting on Thursday. My insurance won't pay,but it doesn't cost any more (probably less) than the $ I was throwing away at the IP's.
I did the stuff during my last detox and it was great...zero craving...tons of energy restored that the Hydro had stolen away(after the first three days)..and...drum roll please....it's legal,it's affordable,and it's working in the direction of getting off of the cr*P!!!
I only used it for rapid detox.I noticed the people on this board who stayed clean the longest(by following the posts) were the ones who were on it the longer periods and tapered slowly(months)...I took it for a week.
I felt bad reading some of your posts.You are in a tough spot.But...if you've got the $$$ for the Norc's,the Sub is cheaper.There is an on line list of MD's who do outpatient teatment.
The NY list is extensive...the longest.
It took me a couple of days on the phone to find a Dr. with a spot open,but I know I don't want to keep doing the IP thing the rest of my life...
we hydro-oxy-IP people are not alone.The medical world that made us if finally ,hopefully ,finding a way to un-make us.
Sorry to jump in..saying hello..and wanted to talk to you bout the sub(been on it for a yr.-no relapses-It works..as you know..
id check out the sub option-short term detox/mait.-3weeks-3 months-or long term maitenance-depending how long you feel you need to be on-
It works well on hardcore dope addicts-so i know its gonna be a charm for norco/hydro etc.
The sub did save our(myself/husband)lives-we were hopelessly addicted to heroin for years-(introduced while touring in our band)-but suboxone didn't just clean us up-it changed our life.Because we didn't have to white knuckle thru each day-we were able to get right into life-he finished his degree/got his business going-moved to a great new apt-had a little$$/etc..
We were always functioning addicts-due to nesscity-kids/bills/car etc..but zero quality of life.
Depending on quality/cost of drugs we were slaves-robotic-living for the next shot.
Now-we are free of the life-the people that went w/ it-we didn't steal-or hurt anyone-but we lost our soul.Well its taken some time-but i can feel again-im writing music/poetry-reading-thinking-connected spiritually.
There are other options-it so personal-AA/NA is good-for many people-rational/smart recovery groups..
I do attend meetings on occassion-many of my friends are very involved in there groups-they do not consider suboxone being clean.
Thats subjective-cos i am not using/copping/etc..i feel its an option-medical treatment for a disease..say what you will-
I needed it-i am happy to be on it-
im not psyched about coming off it-but i know its not going to be as violent as kicking a dope habit-c/t..and ive done that many times-horrorshow.
NY-if you really want out there is a way-
you can do it-if you want to -really want out????
My advice-research suboxone-at least for detox-
I couldn't stay clean-either baseball-after i tried to detox-but detox-was just not doing drugs for a week-and kicking down my habit-
This is my first quality year of life in nearly 8 years of addiction-
I know we have a lot in common,music ,family,marriage what not(except my wife,although supportive is a non-user) ...I think we are even the same age???? (1965?)
I'm looking forward to being able to focus again.I was once upon a time considered the most focused,driven ambitious little pig....than narcotics have erased and distracted all that.
I was a little bummed that some of our friends have had the "pink cloud" and are preaching the gospel of complete abstinence.I will refrain from throwing stones,but suffice to say I've been completely sober a couple of times....and had people BEG me to get high again (LOL!!)I've been to plenty of 30 day rehabs and exited with quite a new pair of glasses that fogged up after a month or two in the real world.
My wife in particular has had a lot of fears about me being completely sober,and she's a southern baptist teatotaler..(and an absolute doll who I'm very lucky to have,I might add)...She's seen me struggle with painful bouts of OCD that have brought me to tears and complete shut-down.
I've read a lot about sub,and now a lot of the studies are indicating it has almost an anti-depressant type effect.That would make a lot of sense,for the brief time I was on it I felt great and was really excited about the future,work,family etc...something I hadn't felt in a long time.
I think it's really cruel of people to judge the needs and experiences of others based on their own success or failures,whatever those might be.
NA and AA....I could literally write a book....I actually made EVERY SINGLE amends(people whose cars I'd stolen,the police,robberies) wrote REAMS of inventories to find where I was wrong...it was all good and I don't regret a minute,but obviously I'm still missing something somewhere.
I know a lot of it has to do with feeling inadequate as a parent and a husband,but how long can you lie on a couch????
Anyways,thank you for your support.I'm actually looking forward to the transition next weekend and I'll keep you updated.
My best connection here in Nashville for gigs asked why I had to cancel My Thursday night regular slot,and in a moment of delirium I actually told her the truth.....she was totally cool about it.She lost a brother to Oxy addiction,and now we're almost closer because I told her the truth.
Thanks You all sooo much for the support, well I quit a few times last year and started back up strong again in Jan last year... As you can see from some of my posts I have a terrible family that does not even talk to me, my father is a crack addict and my Mother only cared about him and what he was doing at all times.
Anyway, Can I go to an out patient clinic and my insurance will pay? I do not want anyone to know, like my job, fiance, family, ect. What should I do with these pills? Taper down..... Tears flow to easily now,I hate the person the pills made me be.... lier, drug addict, a person who lost hope a long time again when her Father started verbally abusing her to think she was worthless, oh the pain of it all!
I just made my first call to being free from these damn pills, I am scheduled in 2 weeks to see a specialist and they said my insurance covers it. They said I cannot take anything for 24hrs before that is going to be hard, they said it may not work if I do take one so I want it to really work.... My appt is in 2 weeks, in that meantime I will taper down my self to prepare myself. Can anyone give me some advise on what to expect on my first appt?