I recently met a great guy. Me and him click very well and we both show interest in eachother. I have only known him for a week, but he has already proven to be an alcoholic. He also has a depressment and somewhat of an anger problem when drinking. He drinks some nights because he says he is in a "bad mood." This problem has been with him for about a year. He called me lastnight and I acted rude (it may not have been the right approach), and said I did not want to talk to him intoxicated. I want to break him out of the habit somehow. He does not need to abuse alcohol. He does see a doctor once a week who tries to help him, although It doesn't seem to work. He is a christian which could somehow have an impact on what he does. I need suggestions on what I could possibly do to help.
Last edited by anonymous08; 10-26-2004 at 07:53 AM.
You really cannot do anything to "help", however you did to the right thing in not talking to him while he is intoxicicated. He has to know that this is unacceptable to you and you will not enable him to continue this when around you. I can only tell you do not do anything that will encourage him to continue this behaviour. You might want to try checking out the AL-anon site for meetings in your area. It is a support group for friends and family of people suffering from the disease of addiction/alcoholism.
RUN A MILE AND RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN......You have only known this person for 1 week and you have already seen anger etc Take it from someone that was with an alcoholic for over 4 yrs...YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM ! I tried for so long and even in the end when I said its me or the grog he chose the alcohol.....He too was quite an aggresive drunk and on occasion got violent both towards me and furniture etc....You cant help this man only he can help himself....If you really like him that much and the feelings are reciprocated, tell him you will see him when he gets clean and sober after a few months........
DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004
Amen to Haleysmum! I too was involved with an alcoholic for 3 years. He too was a wonderful man but hide behind the mask of alcoholism. What you are seeing are the mood swings from the alcohol. I gave mine an altimatum, get sober or I walked. Guess what, I walked away. It was very difficult to do at the time (2 months ago) but I have to admit my life is so much better now without the mental abuse that goes along with alcoholism. They suck you into their lifestyle. Life sucks when you are not much of a drinker and everything you do together has to revolve around alcohol
because they need their fix. Another thing, you will never be Number 1 in his life unless he gets help and I'm sorry, but I do not want to share someone I love with something else. good luck!
When you give an ultimatum to an addict/alcoholic you most likely will always lose. The reason is we suffer from a disease that has no known cure and we are powerless over our addiction. It doesn't mean we don't want the same things as other people, or that we should be treated like lepers, it means we are sick and without treatment we will never get better. I wouldn't just run because he is an alcoholic, I would reevaluate your position and if he refuses to get help than maybe you should think about discontinuing your relationship however, I would make your ultimatum one about treatment, or recovery not about drugs. In my addiction my drugs/alcohol came before everyone and everything, and when I had lost everyone and everybody it was the one person that stayed around and never enabled me however had faith in me and was my cheerleader that gave me hope to go on. I do believe though that you must keep yourself safe, so if you feel unsafe emotionally, and or physically you must break ties.
Did you grow up in an alcoholic household? If you did then thats why you are attracted to him. You cant help him. He will always be Jeckel and Hyde personas. Run a mile and then run some more and change your phone number.