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Old 10-28-2004, 12:02 AM   #1
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goodsoul HB User
What adult activities do clean people do ?

Hi there,

The adult entertainment world revloves so heavily around alcohol especially in New Zealand, pubs, clubs, barbeques, even sporting events spectators drink, lots of eating places have bars and smokers which is bascially an up market pub....I have been going to the movies, exercising,dinner with friends, the races, tenpin bowling...but short on ideas and suggestions to keep entertained at night....there are only so many movies you can watch etc.....
would appreciate any ideas....

 
Old 10-28-2004, 04:27 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
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windysan HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

I faced this dilemna too. I fill in the gaps with service work and 12-step work. Working with other alcoholics and drug addicts is very rewarding. Helping the illiterate learn how to read is good. It is hard for us to break out of the "party mode" and do something good for others. If you are an AA/NA person then you know all about the 12th Step. If you don't know about it...it is helping other alcoholics/addicts achieve sobriety. Putting families back together is very noble. Oh yeah, you are in New Zealand, what about fishing? I heard it is good over there.

 
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Old 10-28-2004, 05:24 AM   #3
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Gianna2 HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Goodsoul,

I've included a message to you at the bottom of a reply to Lifechange's post.

As far as activities, here's several suggestions:

Turn off the tv, radio, etc. Have a piece of paper and a pen in front of you and sit in silence for several minutes or for as long as you wish. Think about all of the things that you stopped doing while you were drinking heavily. Think of all the things that you put off or didn't tend to that you should have. Make a list of those things and apply a priority rating to them. For example:

Schedule a complete health physical: blood work, physical, dental exam, dental cleaning (take care of you)

Begin some sort of excercise program if you haven't already. Join a health club with a friend, or by yourself and make new friends. If $$$ is not abundant, rent a exercise video, and work out at home. Or, it can simply be going for long walks in a scenic area or a bike ride. The point is, get physically active.

Clean house...literally. I find that when I have 'the blues' if I go through all of my clothes/and stuff that just "doesn't fit anymore" symbolic of behavior that "doesn't fit anymore" and giving them to charity, turning them into rags or just trashing them is a good feeling. Go through where you live and empty closets, re-arrange furniture, sort through books, papers, magazines, etc. and keep what you need and toss the rest. I find that when I clean the physical house and put it in order, it's like cleaning the emotional house and putting that in order as well. Get rid of what's not needed to make room for more of what is needed!

Most definitely do as much service work as possible within the AA program. Open yourself up to new people in your life, spiritual people that are trying to achieve and have the same goals as you do. There is strength in numbers.

Once you compile your list, assign a priority to each item. The priority could be viewed in many different ways...from easiest to most difficult, most important to least important....schedule a 'date to be done' by with a realistic time-frame. It's entirely up to you. It's your list...your priorities. Keep your list visible everyday. As you do items on your list, check them off.

These are just suggestions, but your list should comprise of things that 'you' believe will help you. The more you reach out and "do" positive things, hopefully the better you will feel and your life will be more spiritually filled.

Hope this makes some sense.

Hugs and my best wishes to you.

Gianna

 
Old 10-28-2004, 07:40 AM   #4
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agentalias HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Yes, I could understand having lived in England myself. Alcohol revolves around so much of the socializing even in the family activities. I was blown away by the pubs and the family like atmosphere there. I mean they even allow kids in pubs, right?

I believe Windysan and the other posters have given you some excellent tips. It takes a while getting use to sobriety. I exercised everyday. You could get involved in a lot of sport activites.
You can play games on the computer, online games with other players. I know that takes hours to do because I do it!

Last edited by agentalias; 10-28-2004 at 07:41 AM.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 08:30 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2004
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mernee HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Yes I think that was my toughest obstacle as I come from a family of drinkers..and everything they do revolves around partying. I like so many others not only work with addicts as a career but, do tons of service work. I hike, try to get to some live plays, volunteer, believe me the further you get away from alcohol the more you will see that there is to do. I started with volunteering..."you can only keep what you have by giving it away". My volunteering eventually led into my job.Good luck.

 
Old 10-28-2004, 09:02 PM   #6
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lifechange HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Hi folks, good posting and good responses because I too am wondering what I am going to do with myself. So much of my time and my life has been about '' going out'' and along with that comes my addictions. My days are great, I get up early and walk a lot, I get out of the house as much as possible, but it is my nights that make me restless. Luckily, my ex ( who I initially posted wanted nothing more to do with me because of my last bender) has been amazing to me. He has offered to come to meetings with me, and he makes sure he calls a few times a day to check in. I am so very lucky to have support around me....but honestly the urge creeps up on me.

I was out with friends doing the dinner and movie stuff all week, but deep inside the back of my mind I seriously contemplated going out to my local yocal bar after they dropped me off and said goodbye...I thought how easy it would be and how none of them would ever know...but I prayed and pulled myself back.

Halloween is upon us and the party invites are building up. It is not that I am afraid of telling folks '' no I do not drink'' ( I have been doing that all week and they have all indugled in front of me). I am afraid of myself. I am afraid that I will go out, hear the music, feel the familiar scene - crave a drink and take a drink. I have a weird little drinking ritual...I never keep booze in the house, it is not really the fact that I need to fulfill the taste craving...I do it when I am out only but my aim at the time is to get obliterated. hmmmm?

May I ask a question? Do any of you drink socially? I am a binge drinker, but I read somewhere that there are 8 different types of alcoholics. I can go without it, but as soon as I get to a bar...I start and I go off drinking mixed drinks and shooters of Jager all night until I don't remember a thing. I have had blackouts before, and the worst part is how ill I get the next day. I have had strange stuff happen like numbness in my hands and feet, heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea and headaches to name a few. I hate that feeling, but I dont learn. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I plan on staying home during the evenings this weekend and I pray that one day I will be strong enough to ignore my cravings when I am in a bar.

In the meantime, I signed up for a Spanish course today, that is something I have always wanted to learn. Thank you for reading - Take care and have a good evening

Last edited by lifechange; 10-28-2004 at 09:05 PM.

 
Old 10-29-2004, 04:29 AM   #7
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Gianna2 HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Lifechange,

I hear the honesty in your post and I commend you for it. You're being honest about trying to fight the urge. It's ok and perfectly natural to have those urges. But it's what you do about those urges, or rather, what you 'don't do' about those urges that really counts. And you are sharing this here which is great for support. But I would like to share a few comments and suggestions with you if I may.

Your wrote: I seriously contemplated going out to my local yocal bar after they dropped me off and said goodbye...I thought how easy it would be and how none of them would ever know...but I prayed and pulled myself back.

You did the right thing by praying and by doing such, look at the result....you didn't drink! I felt that way too when I got the urge....who would know? Well, I decided that "I" would know, and my "Higher Power" would know. At that particular moment, that was enough and it worked for me.

You wrote: I have had blackouts before, and the worst part is how ill I get the next day. I have had strange stuff happen like numbness in my hands and feet, heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea and headaches to name a few. I hate that feeling, but I dont learn.

Been there...done that....I agree, all those things are horrible but you say you don't learn? Oh you were learning alright....you just weren't ready to do anything about it at that particular time. I firmly believe that not one of us makes a change or takes an action until we are ready to! Now it would appear that you are ready!

You wrote: Do any of you drink socially? I am a binge drinker, but I read somewhere that there are 8 different types of alcoholics. I can go without it, but as soon as I get to a bar...I start and I go off drinking mixed drinks....

I read somewhere that people who were treated for alcoholism by doctors said a very small percentage of people (maybe less that 10%) can resume drinking socially after a period of time. If that's true, then that means that 90% of those that 'thought they could resume drinking socially' can't!!! In my opinion, those odds are much too dangerous to risk!

You wrote: It is not that I am afraid of telling folks '' no I do not drink'' ( I have been doing that all week and they have all indugled in front of me).

Hopefully the people in AA have suggested changing people and places and you may just have to blow off your regular friends right now while the urge is still with you. I don't know how long you are in your sobriety, but, if associating with the same people in the same places is making it difficult for you, for right now, "you" have to change those things which will lead to temptation for you, because "you" and only "you" are responsible for "you".

In my opinion, if my friends truly cared about me, they would not indulge themselves in front of me at this point, or at least be willing to gather where there is no booze. But by the same token, they have the right to live their lives as they see fit. I'm not saying you have to totally give up on your friends, I'm just saying that you may need to back away from them right now, especially in an atmosphere of alcohol. It's your choice if you care to explain to them why you need to temporarily pull away from them. Personally, I would tell them. And guess what, it just could be that if your friends "think" they might have a problem with booze, they will see your progress and begin asking you questions for themselves! Our Higher Power works through other people and ourselves!

Do you have an AA sponser? Do you have a home group? Do you have a list of AA people that you can call in between meetings? If yes, utilize them immediately. If not, get some, immediately!

Plan to attend a night meeting or 2 this weekend and don't be afraid to talk in the meetings about your desire/urge to drink. Tell people you are afraid with Halloween parties coming up that you don't know for sure if you can handle it. In this instance, your fear is a good thing because it's trying to help you by telling you that perhaps you shouldn't be with those people in that environment right now. It's giving you a warning, and suggesting that you make a choice, a good choice for you! Heed the warning!

Get to the meetings early and stay late after the meetings so that you can talk to people. It's important that you associate with people that have what you want....sobriety! Ask someone or several people in AA if they would make plans with you to go out together during Halloween (costumes are optional ).

I bet soup to nuts that if you ask for help from AA members that someone will be available to spend some time with you. Ask if they would like to join you for a cup of coffee at a diner, see a movie, go bowling, go shopping, whatever! Who knows, maybe by you reaching out to someone for assistance, you may be helping someone that has the same fear as you do. When you help others, you also help yourself. Here's an example......

There was a woman in a mtg. I never saw before. She said it's difficult to get to meetings during the day because everybody works. Well, right now I'm out of work and because I was grateful for my boyfriend's sobriety (hadn't yet conclusively determined I had a problem), I wanted to give something back. I reached out to her after the meeting and have been giving her rides to some of the meetings ever since. The plus side of this is: I helped someone get to meetings that needed help, AND, I found someone that gave really good advice when my boyfriend went out again and I needed a safe place to stay. We are helping each other!

That's great that you signed up for a Spanish course, which you said is something you always wanted to do. That's something new that you can immerse yourself in and it could be very useful. This may sound a little corny but I'll risk it. You're learning the new language of Spanish because you are now learning the new language of sobriety!

Please Keep sharing here and keep going to meetings.

Best of luck to you and hold onto your honesty....it will help you more than you'll ever know!

Thanks for letting me share!

Gianna

Last edited by Gianna2; 10-29-2004 at 04:58 AM.

 
Old 10-29-2004, 04:22 PM   #8
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 114
lifechange HB User
Re: What adult activities do clean people do ?

Gianna, you are a doll and thank you!!!! Today was a great day for me, as I did some of the things you recommended and tomorrow after the meeting we are going to go bowling!!! 10 pin!

Strange, because I was invited to a party with a lot of people who I have not seen in a long time, all musicians and god love them...still partying. I accepted, called my ex and told him I was going because I could no longer stand to look at the 4 walls, I have been sober since October 11th, so I am still in my crib so to speak.

He was a doll and pointed out to me that I have a disease, but if I want to go, he would go with me. Well...I prayed and 5 minutes later, I called my ex back and spoke the truth...I was not ready to go. Then I called a fella I met at a meeting and look at me now, all set to roll a little 10 pin!.

Also, today, I just bought a box cd set by Marianne Williamson called A Course In Miracles...it is great and I look forward to staying home tonight, having a nice cup of tea and snuggling in to listen to my Cd's. Take care and big hug to you!

 
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