I haven't been on here for awhile. Life is just too busy. How are you guys all doing?? Lisa aren't you sober now?? I think I read that you guys were in Florida. Last I hear Rosie you were back from rehab. Twinnlynn, you have a hurt foot, right? How is Alice? I just haven't seen you guys post for a bit. Let me know how you all are.
Hi Poo! The staff, just like in every work place- there were good people, great people, and people I did not agree with. Yes, they treated me great. They went over and beyond the call of duty. I walked out on so many meetings because the detox was killing me and my legs wouldnt stop kickin. I did a lot of crying and I laughed for the first time in a very long time. Being on uppers made me too serious. When I was growing up I felt "different" from everyone else. Ya know... one step off. When I smoked my first joint, took my first upper, and downer, and had my first drink - I felt NORMAL. My disease called ADDICTION kicked in when I was in Jr. High... I took everything I could get my hands on. When I had my second child, I had terrible back pain- started taking vics, somas, and ambien and my disease progressed for 3 years and I was up to 20 10/500 Lortabs, 13 Somas, and 5 10mg ambien a day. My life had become unmanagable, I was irritible, restless, and discontent. I had some close calls such as minor car accidents, burning holes in chairs, and blacking out. I was late to work quite often and almost lost a man whom I loved by pushing him out of my life so I could isolate and take my drugs to become uncomfortably numb. I check into LaHa on Oct 19th. After 31 days of detoxing, reconnecting with people from all walks of life, sharing a room, going to Seekers at 6:30 every morning, Big Book meetings, Primary counseling, AA meetings, CA meetings, Doctor visits twice a day, 2 hour recreation, cafeteria food, Serenity Hill, Focus groups, doing my own laundry, hanging out in the But hut smoking cigerettes and hanging out w/ a bunch of sober people, and outside meetings- I have to say IM CHOOSING LIFE OVER THE ALTERNATIVE. After realizing I am an addict- I have two choices... I can work the steps, attend meetings, help other addicts and alcoholics, meditate and pray, get a sponsor... or I can not choose to do all these things and end up insane or 6 feet under. Ive always considered myself to be an intelligent woman but no one have ever explained the biological aspect of this disease to me (yes, it IS genetic)- shake the family tree, there will be some alcoholics and drug addicts fall out. No one explained to me what to do if I wanted to live- until now. Since Ive been home Ive gone to 3 meetings in two days. I have a temporary sponsor. I am FOCUSED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. There were cutters, heroin addicts, mostly meth addicts and alcoholics, pill users, people who have lost their children, people with Bellmeia,(sorry I spelled that wrong- forgive me), people who lost their homes, people who have lived under bridges, people who were 14, people who were 63 years old, there were people who live in mansions, people as far away as Ohio, and Michigan, there was a girl who will be on the Dr. P show, lots of benzo heads- every walk of life you can imagine. But in a meeting of about 100 people- you ask them if they used when life was good they said yes, did you use when you lost your job, yes, did you use when you got a promotion, yes, did you use when you were in pain, yes, when you were feeling great, yes, when you broke up with someone, yes, when you were in the best relationship of your life, yes. Get my point? If you are an addict you are an addict, and there is no human who can restore us to sanity. My detox was hard. They gave me Phenobab for the first few days, and bentyl, clonidine, quinine, and ativan. I was slugish and unable to attend classes the first few days. Then they put me on SUBOXONE. It makes a dead man walk. I was all over campus just introducing myself and just as happy as can be. I was on 6 mg for 2 days, then 4 for 2 days then 3, then two, then 1 mg for two days and when I stopped the Sub I was in REALLY BAD SHAPE for 7 days. Your brain tells your body you are dying so you will take more opiates. It was classic text book symtoms.... sore throat, headache, diarriea, chills, fever, skin crawling, body aches, head feels like it's on fire. I never believed all the "stuff" people told me about hydro and how bad the detox would be and it would last up to a year... THEY WERE ALL CORRECT. Benzo and Hydro detox is the WORST ever. Altough there were some coke addicts and meth addicts who will say different. The doctors said hydro and benzos where the ones with the long term body aches. I had pencil pupils for 4 weeks! My pupils are still not getting as big as they used to.
I have so many medical, spiritual, and lifes experiences to talk about now. I can't wait to be reunited with my kids when I got home and what I ended up telling them instead of telling them I had back surgery- I told them the truth.. I got reconnected with God, and I found out I was allergic to meds and they took me off of everything safely and they gave me the knowledge of how to stay off the pills.
The stats are astonishing of the relapses of people who get treatment. I will post all those later, as well as telling of the great lengths people went through to get loaded while they were in treatment. It's late and I will post tomorrow. It's great to be back. I lost my desire to take drugs and drink although the triggers are crazy around my house. Ive had dreams of finding "just one" pill in my house somewhere.
Oh ! Forgot to tell yall I went to the PHARMACY right when I got home to pick up some Tylenol, Robaxin (safe) and some Ibprophen and I told them to mark it on my file I am ALLERGIC to ALL NARCODICS, hydro, somas, and ambien. Amazing!
Are you thinking about rehab or someone you know?
How are you doing?
Please let me know,
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
Wow! What a very strong message but AMAZING!! Congratulations to you!! You should be very proud of yourself. I am by just reading your story. It's amazing!!
I come from a long line of alcoholics and pill poppers in my family. My dad died of a overdose of pain meds. I am on meds right now myself for a cronic illness. I have Crohn's disease and need to be on meds. I know that if I were to take them myself I'd have a problem. My husband keeps them locked up in a safe (he has the only key) he gives them to me as prescribed.
I would love to keep in contact with you. I'm a great listener.
How many children do you have? What are their names? Where are you from?
I have 1 child (a girl) she's 2 1/2, her name is Lauren and I live in the south central part of Wisconsin.
I don't post much here (although I'm reading posts almost everyday/night)...I just was amazed to see that you have Crohn's...I battle with the same disease, and I'm having a severe flare right now. I'm on Asacol, prednisone, 6-MP (as of yesterday), and pain meds as well. The worse problem I deal with pain-wise right now is the severe arthritis in my joints...mostly my knees and fingers. I can barely function unless I take the pain meds. My gastroenterologist has me on the generic for Norco, but he wants me to wean off that and go on Ultracet. I didn't tell him that I know from reading here that Ultracet is just as addicting, and from what I've read..even harder to get off of! I really don't want to go on it. My husband also is in control of my pain meds..I have a HUGE tendency to take WAY more than prescribed. If it were up to me, I would get off them completely (just because of the constant guilt and torment associated with taking any kind of narcotic), but in all honestly...I CAN'T function normally without them. I really can't. It makes me sad to admit that...and I'm not saying that due to the wonderful "high" I get from taking them...yes, I love that part, but it only last for so long before I crash and start feeling the guilt, self-hatred, etc. I'm so conflicted on actually needing the pain meds for a chronic medical condition, and taking them because I LIKE the way they make me feel. As a mother to 5 kids, guilt is something I experience about 99.9% of the day. I ask myself constantly, "why can't I just be normal?", "why can't I function without all this medication?"...why, why, why...sometimes I wish I didn't think so much!
Anyway, I'll stop bombarding you with MY problems~ haha~ I just wanted to say, "Hi!", and to let you know that I battle with the same disease. It's an awful, horrible illness, and causes SO much pain. You know what? I was reading on a pain management site recently that had Crohn's listed at the #3 most painful medical condition out there...I truly believe that. I hope to get to know you better, and hopefully discuss more in detail our struggles with Crohn's. I was diagnosed 12-13 years ago, but due to my many pregnancies...I've managed to stay in remission for quite a long time. Like I said above, it's been just recently that I've struggled with a MAJOR flare-up..and my colonoscopy showed hundreds of polyps...most benign, but some pre-cancerous (the reason I'm now on the 6-MP~ which you probably know is chemotherapy).
I look forward to hearing back from you!!!! Like I said before, I don't post a whole bunch, but I read posts daily..and I feel as if so many of the wonderful people here are part of my family, as I care about everyone here. I want nothing more than to see everyone beat their demons, and to live a life full of happiness, peace, security, self-love, and to beat whatever it is they are fighting as far as addiction. Much love to you!
Im from the concrete jungle of HOUSTON. It's not the nicest of places to live but Im stuck here for now.
I have two girls, ages 3 and 8. They are dressed up today as a kitty cat and the 8 yr old a fairy. I know, not too original. Next year Im dressing up my older one as an old timie mother, gown, slippers, rollars in her hair, and a face mud mask. She's not to keen on the idea, understandable, but I think the costumes you just make and not buy are the cutest of all!
Sorry to hear you have Crons disease. How long have you had it? What does it effect?
Anyway Im glad your husband is helpful w/ the pills. I know if I ever have surgery, my fiance' would be glad to distribute them.
Wishin you the best!
"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
Hi everyone--I only have a moment. Just happened to hop on (I have not even lurked here for many months), and was delighted to see that someone remembered me! I am trying to wrap up a big matter for work. For those meeting me for the first time, I have 2 small kids too, and work kinda sorta part time. I am convinced that this site has saved my life, by the way. I have been isolating--not just from my online friends, but from my NA friends and regular friends and family too. My online friends think I am busy with my NA friends, my NA friends probably think I am dead or am busy with my family and my neighbors, my neighbors think I am busy with my family and work, my family thinks I am busy with neighbors and work. No great excuse, and wrong thing to do, I know, I know. . . . At least I am not wasting my time looking for rx, which I was doing alot of before. But right now I just finished a huge project, and now have to document all my time, and tie up some related matters which is truly, honestly taking at least the rest of this week. I have been doing alot of inner spiritual and psychological work.
Not 100%, but actually not doing too bad . . . shaking a bit of tramadol which is stuck to my shoe. Trying to wait till it's gone to get back into the fray. Thank you for asking about me, nice to meet those who are new. Yes, I went to rehab, then had surgeries, and with some ups and downs landed where I am now, which is benzo-free and tapering from tramadol. Not sure if I can give an accurate count, but it is 11 a.m. here, and my last one was last night. I have maybe 5-10 left in the bottom of the bottle. Yes side effects of w/d aren't great, but with the long half-life and the fact that it does not make me feel euphoric (plus my paralyzing fear of having a seizure--I had one a long time ago) it seems to be easier then from the hydros or benzos. My c/t from benzos at rehab I think was a mistake. I managed to find a way since to do a diazepam taper, and think I am better off for it.
Look forward to getting back in there with you. . . I miss everyone so much