Well, day four. For those of you who have been following my posts, you know that the first night was hell, the next night was better and last night was better yet. It is 8:51am EST so it has been roughly 88 hours since I last snorted 2 - 20mgs of OCs. 88 HOURS!! That is the longest I have gone without doing any since the first couple of weeks of this past August. Last night was much better. Still haven't eaten much. Not much of an appetite still. I slept pretty darn well most of the night. Only woke up a couple of short times and was still sound asleep at 5:00am when it was time to get up for work. I've been doing this Cold Turkey withdrawl while going to work and being a dad and a husband and it has been really tough the first couple of days but with the right committment and determination, it can be done. You might feel like you want to die and that you can't get out of bed (even though sleep is impossible) but you just say, "I can do it, I have to do it and it will get better" and it does, believe me. I am already starting to recognize a little of my old self. The first day. I felt like I was walking around in a nightmare. Couldn't concentrate or really form thoughts and didn't want to speak or interact with anyone. I almost felt like I couldn't. Now, I am starting to see a little of who I remember I used to be. I have also quit Cocain and alcohol at the same time. I had coke binges this past Thursday and Saturday nights along with OCs and lots of beer (12/30/04 and 1/1/05) and I have been drinking beer heavy, almost daily, for the past several years. Atleast 4 or 5 12oz beers every night and about a 15 to 30 pack or more on weekend days. I have been a recreational and occassional cocain and crack user for roughly 15 years. I have been on Oxys for 1 1/2 years, only about 20 - 40 mgs daily and about 80 - 120mgs on weekend days. I snorted them.
So, I am on day four. This past Sunday at around 5:00pm was my last time. The days do get better and I am feeling more alive every hour that goes by. Physically, I have no real appetite and am still a bit sore in the arms and legs and the restless arm and leg stuff was coming back last night but only for very brief moments and then they would dissapear. The restless arm stuff in my right arm was literally unbearable on the first night.
I don't know if I ever said but I am a white man, 35 yo with a wife and a 2 1/2 year old son. I live on the East Coast of the US. I am a professional in the IT field and I have 2 college degrees. I grew up in a very loving and supportive family and still am very close with my brothers and parents and grandparents. If this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. Narcotics, especially opiads and pain medications can grip anyone and if you look around these boards long enough, you will see what I am talking about.
Got to do some actual work so I'll post more later. Thanks for all of the support.
Well, 12:46pm EST and I just choked down some oatmeal. I can feel my apetite slowly coming back. I've been sucking down the water and gatorade and taking short walks periodically. I hope my frequesnt posts detailing my specific experiences with a CT withdrawl are helpful to the membership of these boards. I know that they have been a Godsend for me.
Almost 92 hours clean. Can I get a chip for the 100th hour??
Legs and arms still sore and stomach a bit woosie. Haven't had the diahreah since I took those 2 imodium ads yesterday mid afternoon. Hopefully, that is gone. As each hour goes by, I am more and more able to cope and deal and think and move much better. My head becomes much more clear and I feel better about myself and my family and the future. It really is a great feeling. My twin brother knows what I am going threw. I have a fraternal twin brother and I told him on the second night. He is so supportive. He takes hydros twice daily for sever back problems. He has had the surgeries, etc and they really do help him to work and function normally. The thing is, he takes them as prescribed and uses them legitimately. I still worry about him, though.
For anyone going through CTs, hang in there!!! It is worth it!!! Keep your eyes on the prize!!!
1:57pm and I am feeling kind of bad. Very drained, lifeless and weak. I have to pick my 2 1/2 year old up from daycare and I am scared I don't have the energy or motivation to be the Dad I need or want to be tonight. I know I will find the strength and motivation and that this is just a phase and symptom of CT withdrawls. Working on the 93rd hour and on day 4 of being clean and free. I'll get right. My boy is the single most important thing to me and I will not let him down!! I have to find the energy to play and make dinner and read books once we get home. It will be fine. I'll find the motivation.
When I would sniff an OC, I would be running around, energized, making dinner, playing with him, happy as could be, feeling good. I know that was the opiate and I don't ever want to go back there. Not after the withdrawl symptoms I went through earlier in the week.
I'll be who I once was again. I can feel myself getting there all the time.
Thanks for the words of encouragement and support.
Getting ready to leave for the day. 3:00pm EST so I am off to go through night 4. They have been getting progressively better every night so I hope I can sleep and have enough energy and motivation to get through till bedtime. I feel better than my last post. More energy and ready to go so, I'm off. Keep your eyes on the prize. Will post more tomorrow. Thanks for the support.
QUOTE<<I am a professional in the IT field and I have 2 college degrees. I grew up in a very loving and supportive family and still am very close with my brothers and parents and grandparents. If this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. >>UNQUOTE
Well done, Proward!!! You are SuperMan! Lol! Now, don't be too hard on yourself. What you are doing is really TOUGH and there will be dips and rises. I, too, am a twin. You've seen my sister's posts on this Board (TwinLynn). Like you, we came from a very supportive 'normal' family. Unlike you, we are 58 years old! OLD! Lol! SO! This can happen at any time. I am so glad you've confided in your twin. You NEED to have people in your life who can support you. This is not an 'isolated' event and you will want loving people to keep up your spirits and help keep you on track. "Eyes on the prize!" :-) Maybe, start thinking about people in your life who you can confide in. We all need that support after our initial battle. This is only "Act 1" and Act II, 'staying clean,' is just as important. Hope you have another good night!
Good luck to you Proward. The withdrawl is hard to get through. Honestly for me, an recovering opiate user clean three years, the withdrawl was always dreadful but the bigger picture was after the immediate withdrawls. The real decision to stay off the stuff and not think I could dip into itwas a hard one along with the learning how to function in a healthy way with out drugs. I was comatosed for about five years only counting opiates and crack and whatever else I added in. Coming out of that was very weird and scary. Good luck. The withdrawl is the first step to tackling your addiction. It goes away. I made it through it a ton of times and a ton of times I did not.
Good for you. I am on day 5 of 8 to 19 7.5 vicodins. I took some ambien and nyquil last night and it seemed to make day 6 feel like day 2. I am hoping day 6 will feel much better. I wqas told by 2 different addction clincs 7-10 till the withdraw symtoms go away. What have you heard? My biggest problem I am having is the restless arms and legs, My arms feels like a bolt of lighting hit it if I force it to stay still. My legs and arms are going crazy. I dont know how you can sleep. I have had none at all it sees for 5 days straight. Your post have been very encourging to me. I to feel like I am being so much nicer to my wife and freinds. I feel bad the I wasent like this before. My wife is great and helping my through the whole thing. I will let you know how my day
The thing is that drugs seriously turn us into a person none of us are. At first it creeps in and then it creeps in and camps out and then it starts to build a house in our soul. It is wierd. To even think of how I was three years ago gives me the creeps. I grew up in a higher class suburb with great parents ect.....I wound up living in a car and stealing every day to make a living to pay for my drugs. How that happened.... I don't know. I was an awful person and did and acted in ways I don't even like to remember myself. Looking back something just took over in me and turned me into an absolute nightmare eventually. People actually like me now and I feel good again about who I am and where I am headed. I am trustworthy and that is a HUGE change.
I haven't posted in over 8 months, but have been lurking. When I read this, I had to post because I have been distressed by the people who have posted ON OTHER THREADS (not this thread....I think this poster is awesome!!) recently saying things like, 'I am not your stereotypical user,' etc. This poster told us how he has 2 college degrees, etc.....I hope this shows other lurkers that everyone else here besides them are not a bunch of street-walking crackheads. Here is something for the average reader: YOU are not the exception to the rule....a reality check. Addiction knows no income level or profession. I can sit here and tell you how eduated and accomplished I am. But thats not necessary. Your college education, profession, income level, spouses profession, parents status, etc is not indicative of your tendancy to be addicted.
So thank you all for your quiet support. Even though I've been silent for 8 months, I have been keeping my fingers crossed for everyone. I just thought I would comment on the fact that if you are lurking, please don't start your post by telling us that you are the exception to the rule. That is an insult. Thank you to this poster for being so honest and real.
Sorry, but certain things struck a nerve that I've read recently.
Wishing you all luck,
Yep, still trying reeeeaaalllly hard......
Thanks, S. - You words are very kind. Since I started posting here at the beginning of this week when I was thankful enough to stumble across this wonderful, supportive community, and when I started day one of cold turkey OC withdrawls, I have been thinking constantly about the things I have learned, the things that I have read and the pain and suffering that people go through while trying to become the people that they once were. That is my goal. I made a commitment, because of the honset that I experienced on these boards, to be as honest and open about what I am going through so it can possibly help others who are considering going CT with an addiction. The more honest, the better (even the descriptions of my recent BMs )
Anyway, thanks again. Your words are encouraging. Got to go post my 'night 4 experiences'. Day 5 and doing OK.
good for you man...sounds like you've had a rough drug background, i can't even imagine using crack, but you say it was recreational? (i didnt think that was possible)...anyway, it sounds like you've got your priorities in order, and you know what you gotta do...watch out for the times you feel really good and the times you feel really bad, those are the times when you're most likely to use. Don't take drugs! I know what opiates do to you, it sucks, i'm glad you're putting your energy (and not opiate-induced energy) into your family, which is obviously important...keep posting, and keep busy.
Just hang in there--I too am a professional in the mid-west and was/am devastated by the almighty opiate. I went through an anastasia detox-MY GOD I was literally in hell for a day 1/2 and it wasn't a whole lot better for a while. I got so ****** I got up and went and played B-Ball after the 1 1/2 days. Oh my god did it help and what bright colors I saw. My doc said it was impossible to play ball--I said Impossible is just an opinion and I did it. 3 months later I still don't sleep well and probably won't for some time ( 5yr addiction) I alsd drank quite a bit. (i turn 40 this year)
Focus on what's important to you ( child, wife, job, etc..) You WILL make it.
You have seen you will have good days and bad ones--reach out to people you can trust--the WILL understand and respect you-this in turn helps motivate the will to stay clean.
you're my role model man. good luck to you... i saw a doctor and got vicodin prescribed, this is the last time he can give me a script. i have to slowly get off of these to ease the OC withdrawl i'd be having right now. the withdrawls are so painful and i cannot go through every day life with them. not sure how long its going to last, but i start classes tomorrow... cold turkey is hard, ive done it for a day or two, then relapsed. only have been on OC's for a few months, but it's a crazy drug... the worst thing that happend to me. sooo are u clean now?
any feedback would be appreciated. thanks man, good luck and be safe.