Time is not on my side - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

wastedagain · 04-26-2005, 12:21 PM

I as my name states, wasted again. Just snorted a couple of oxys and took two perks. My addiction is growing by the day. I have had a perc habit for the past 5-7 years on and off, always coming up with some half baked reason to get more. I now have a standing script for 240 325/10 mg percs and 120 10 mg oxys A MONTH. It is not negatively affecting my life, well thats not true but I guess what I am trying to say is I am not out stealing or doing anything illegal to get the drugs, for now anyways. I feel like I am on a one way trip to heroin. I see the interventions and the pain, I see the hbo specials (dope sick love) and the latest one was I think called rehab. I see all the pain, all the heartache that all this causes but what I focus on is what a great buzz that must be. I was in the hosp one time and every 4 hours they gave me intervenious drugs and it was a magical feeling. Why do I not see the negative side of addiction ? Right now according to my script I can take up to 8 of the percs and 4 of the oxy's a day leagally. I have tapered down to one a day, half in the morn and half at night but within a few weeks I was back up to taking 5-6 at a time. I am sick of it, but cannot imagine not having them. Percs take away all the pain of life and gives such a feeling of wellness. Whats the difference between them and say a anti-depresant ? Just some info I am well into my 40's and hold down a full time job and a part time job and sometimes take a class at the same time. How do I start, I mean I no I have a habit, but I am in no distress, I am not stealing and my habit costs me 12 dollars a month ? What do I do ?

Wasted

wastedagain · 04-26-2005, 12:54 PM

Really, any help, suggestions, opinions would be greately appreciated.

Twinlynn · 04-26-2005, 01:46 PM

Wastedagain -

I felt so much as you do.....I was not literally being dragged down by the drugs (oxys and Vics)--I was not losing a house, a car, a partnership or my life savings. I was working at an fairly intense job, paying all my bills, etc. And, though I knew intellectually that I HAD to stop....strangely enough (and I am in my 50's--so age doesn't matter with drugs)--I seemed to have no inner moral compunctions about doing something that hurt no one but me.

So, what stopped me? I feel pretty morally bereft when I tell you this..but the truth, was...I stopped--not because I suddenly awoke to sanity, etc.....but because the drugs stopped working. No more highs. No more sense of creativity or accomplishment. I had to take more and more just to stay "normal." And it really wasn't "normal"--I felt terrible. Ill all the time. Unlike my antidepressants--which allow me to see the world as it is--those oxys stopped me from seeing the world completely. Instead of drugs being a "part" of my world--they became my WHOLE world.

Subutex, which almost instantly prevents withdrawals when you stop the opiates, was what finally gave me my life back. It allowed me to stop destroying myself with these pills, and, most important, gave me the time I needed to remember and experience what "normal" really was. I had just totally forgotten. And it was such a relief to realize that not only was normal 'okay'--it was so much better. I just had had NO idea how sick those drugs had made me.

Sub is a controversial drug, as you probably know, as it relieves the withdrawal with synthetic opoids....but if you read the scientific and medical information out on it, you can better understand how it work. (You can also check the Archives for my past posts.)

Got to go off the Board now....but just wanted you to hear about one way to get help. Tapering and rehab are other alternatives..and excellent ones. I think you really do need help from others to do this. And I hope you try.

keep posting! Lynn :-)

PS No time to proofread this--so I hope it's "legible"!! :-)

MomOf4VA · 04-26-2005, 01:54 PM

You obviously have not hit bottom. Only, you will know when you do.

Peace,
~Kim

wastedagain · 04-26-2005, 01:56 PM

Lynn,

Thank you for your heart felt response. I was worrying that my fears and pain were falling on deaf ears. I congradulate you on your sucess. I am struggleing with why does being an addict look attractive to me (how sick is that) Sometimes I take more than I ever have just to see if I can do it. My wife has noticed I am taking more and starting to put pressure on me to get off of them. Any time I miss something or forget something her standard response is get off the drugs (if she only knew how much I take) I am even considering trying to shoot the oxys. Have gone as far as recerching on the web for a "how to" inject drugs type of thing. I know in my heart that I am totally out of control and a addict, it is only going to get worse. Can you stop taking drugs if it is not really negatively affecting your life or finaces ? I am lost on how to do this, I do not think with the relative ease I can obtain these pills that I would be able to taper. Last time I was at the pain clinic I mentioned I would like to taper off and the nurse said good as she handed me a script for 240 percs. I really do not know what to do. I figure I am taking about 80 mg of perc and probebly that much oxy a day. How bad of a habit is that ?

Wasted