need some help - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

Mstngfan · 05-25-2005, 05:26 PM

I dont know if this should be here or in the obesity/weight loss section but I am putting it here because it seems appropriate to me.

I have a food addiction. Its been a problem for me pretty much since I was old enough to make my own food decisions. It got especially worse when I started driving and got my own job. Im overweight, 5'6 and 233 pounds. A couple years ago I did lose some weight, I had been 275 for a while and it was horrible.

I dont know how I did it before but I just randomly got this surge of motivation and was able to control my eating for 6 months. Lately ive been back and forth being able to control it but this week it started agian where I am having some serious problems with it.

I have a boyfriend who is not overweight and I love him alot! He loves me even though I have some extra weight but I know he would like to see me lose it also for my health and for our sex life to be a little more "creative". I never lie to him about anything except food. It hurts me to do so but I tell him Im doing well even when Im eating the wrong things. I feel like most people would just see this as me being weak or gluttonous and Im scared to lose him over this even though I know I wouldnt. Its just always been something Ive tried to hide.

Today for example I ate 2 big cookies with icing from Giant Food, and got some crackers with garlic dip and after eating that I waited for my coworker to go home and I was alone and I went and got a large ice cream with toppings. Last week I got ice cream 3 times but waited till my coworkers were all gone so I could eat in peace without feeling bad.

Its pretty much an obsession that I get in my head and once I want something I have such a hard time not getting it. After I do it I feel like ****, I have been working out alot and today after my workout I felt like such a waste and wanted to cry. Its like part of me wants to make the change and gets so excited about it and then I have this evil side that controls me and keeps me doing these bad t hings over and over.

Does anybody have any advice for me? I mean I know I can do it and I wake up every morning excited about starting a new day but it always seems to fall apart somewhere! I need to make a change soon. I am moving in with my boyfriend next weekend and Im excited and hoping that a change of surroundings and situations will trip something in me and make it easier to make a change in my life. Im aiming for that and ready to do whatever it takes to kick this addiction.

Thanks for listening!

Ellnyc · 05-25-2005, 05:52 PM

We don't get too many posts on this particular board about your specific addiction (food), but I totally understand the pain and addiction of compulsive overeating.
Following the same principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), there is a 12 step
fellowship, called Overeaters Anonymous (OA), that may offer you some help and hope. You can call information/look in the telephone book or do a search on line for a schedule of meetings in your area. I don't know if you have ever been to a meeting, but it sure is worth a try. I would also repost this on another board (about eating disorders?) which food addiction is.
Best of luck,
El

Mstngfan · 05-25-2005, 09:08 PM

Thanks for the advice. Ive heard about the Overeaters Anonymous but never gone to any meetings. I guess part of the problem is Ive never been able to admit to myself I have enough of a problem to actually seek help. I always feel like I can do it on my own. I know moving out is going to be a huge change so Im going to try to make the lifestyle change as well. But I will also look into meetings in my area.

Sandyspen · 05-26-2005, 07:31 AM

Hi,
You know, my daughter and her hubby started having a real problem with weight a couple years ago. They took a job in another state, away from home, lonely,lots more money, but their weight just really ballooned. They had tried many diets but never seemed able to stick with them.

A couple months back my daughter bought the Southbeach Diet book and they have both lost lots of weight. I've been astounded by the pictures they send me. She says it's about learning a new way of thinking about food, rather than a diet.

I haven't read it, but it's been the first thing that helped them and they've tried many diets.

Mstngfan · 05-26-2005, 08:13 AM

I can diet and lose weight. I dont beleive in fad diets because they have all affected my workouts in negative ways. I just want to eat a normal healthy diet and completely change my lifestyle. The problem i have is a problem sticking to any diet because I go through phases, that can last for long long times where I have food on the mind 24/7.

This morning I was on my way to drop off tags and started thinking I wonder if theres a McDonalds down here i can stop at, then told myself No I shouldnt do that...then on the way to work thinking about lunch or what snack I can get from the store. It takes over my mind. Even when I want to be healthy and change my lifestyle and Im 100% ready to do it in my mind...I cant escape cravings and this need to eat eat eat.

Ive come to the conclusion for a long time now that its a legitimate addiction. So yeah I know about nutrition and i know how to diet, I know I can do it and I did 2 years ago and lost about 65 pounds. But the motivation came from nowhere there and now Im back to the same old thing where My mind just seems to revolve around food all the time.

I dont want to eat it! I want to just eat to survive and be healthy. This is what I want so why is it so hard to do it? Its not just that I snack if i see something or choose the wrong thing when I go out to eat its that I constantly have this urge to have something good around me and if I dont i cant concentrate on alot else until I go out and get it. Like Im struggling with it right now and dont know if ill go the day without running to the store for something unhealthy.

I just dont really get it but it controls my life!