I have been thinking that I might have a problem. I want to be high every day. I wake up and do a line of cocaine. I do not use pills very often, but I do blow, drink vodka, take nyquil, take X (about 3-5 times a month) and smoke pot several times a week. I take cocaine and go to sleep with PM over-the-counter headache relief, plus drink about 2-4 ounces of Vodka every day. I only eat 1 time a day, for the most part, but I only just realized that I might have an addiction problem the last few weeks.
My entire adult life I have watched girls inject heroin between their toes, and people roll on e and GHB, and I thought that if I do not smoke crack and take heroin, then I would not form an addiction. I do not feel loss of control, and I do not like to go super high. But, I never knew cocaine was a hard drug since most people do use it. I am a high fashion/ runway/ editoral model, and I travel all over the world for my work. The most successful models do not really go out to parties, or get drunk. As do I, niether. People usually sit at home or just do a little at a time, throughout the day, and at your job. You do lines and drink a little champagne. You just stay awake, whatever. I like my lifestyle, but I do not want to kill myself. The drug gets weaker and weaker, and I lost 9 or 10 kilo this month alone.
What should I do??
hi adrien-
welcome to the board..
my friend that is in the fashion world..travels extensively w/ models/etc..told me about how many people she works w/ are using-that the girls are exhausted/concerned about weight-etc..
You probably now realiseing that the booze/coke/sleeping aids plus not eating is getting old-tolerance..is the medical term..and you need more-coke to get the same high..etc.Cocaine is highly addictive..but its just 'part of the party"-atmosphere..back in the 70s/80s-is was equated w/ weed..
But nowadays-its known to be just as hard to get off-as any other drug-mentally at least.
Its good that your figureing out-this is not the way to continue-esp. in an enviornment that supports this.
my advice to you-is to make a drs. appt-be honest-about your habits etc..and possibly a nutritionist as well.
And don't be afraid-to discuss your issues..w/ the drugs/food etc..professional help is nessecery..and maybe then you'll be more focused on healthy living-so you have the strength/etc..to continue working..
Cocaine/booze are hard drugs..on your body/mind..and soul.
hope this helps a bit..
peace..
ggrl
You ask what you should do. The answer is very simple -- stop while you're ahead. It won't be easy by any means, but if you have a strong will and actually *want* to stop using, you can do it.
I will be 22 yrs. old this year & I am truly amazed I have made it this far. I used to be just like you. I started using (mainly cocaine & mdma) at 14. It started off as a weekend thing & gradually progressed to a vicious addiction (that lasted 7 long years). The problem was, I was good at convincing myself I wasn't an addict. After all, I was going to school (though I was barely passing), held a part-time job & lived in a nice neighborhood. In my eyes I was just a normal teenager who enjoyed getting high. Like many addicts I was in complete denial -- denial that almost cost me my life.
As my addiction progressed, my troubles began. I was quickly building a tolerance to the drugs (which is what you described in your post -- needing more of the drug to make you feel good). In turn, I had to buy more. I slowly drained my bank account, spending hundreds of dollars each day. When that money was gone I started selling my stuff, or I would trade things for drugs. I was so worried about having money for drugs, I stopped paying my rent & got evicted from my apartment (which ruined my perfect credit). And those are just financial losses...
Those drugs changed me, as a person. Before the addiction took ahold of me I had a ton of friends & was extremely social. I lost most of those friends because of my addiction. Either they got sick of me blowing them off or they were tired of watching me destroy myself. But as long as I had my drugs I didn't care. I no longer needed friends. I became withdrawn & paranoid.
Then one evening (about a yr. & a half ago) I finally received my wake up call. I overdosed at a friends apartment & was forced to enter rehab. For once in my life, someone got through to me. I took a hard look at my life & where it was headed. Drugs had destroyed me -- mentally, physically & emotionally. And if I wasn't going to do something about it, I was going to die, plain & simple. I have been clean ever since. It has *not* been easy by any stretch, but with each sober day, I become a little stronger.
Hope my story helps. I'm not trying to lecture you or anything. You're gonna do what makes you happy. But just because something makes you feel good doesn't mean it's good *for* you -- I learned that the hard way. You may not believe you have a problem with drugs... but drugs have a way of destroying lives, no matter how much or how little you use. Don't let them destroy you.
I do not know how to go to the right person for this problem. I am very upset. First, I called a prayer council line, so I could affirm I wanted to get over an addiction to cocaine and ask for the woman to pray with me. I told the woman that I did not use this drug for a long time, and I said it was not controling my life, and that it was my first girlfriend that gave me coke.But before I could continue, she ignored my drug problem and lectured me for being gay... So I called a regular drug hotline, and the woman said that she could not talk about it, the purpose was to give me numbers only to clinics.
I do not have time to go to drug rehabilitation clinic, and I do not think I need to. I wanted to see if she could tell me if there were programs, or tools I could use to help myself. I wanted to see if she could tell me something because I do not know if it is safe to just stop, or if there was something else I could do. Yes, I would like to regulate my drug use. I do not want to stop using cocaine. Should I be here posting or is this only for people that want to stop? don't ban me because I don't know. I would like to learn how to control, and hopefully I will form a desire to stop.
All I can say is you will stop when 1. YOU ARE READY OR 2. Something terrible happens. Hopefully it is number 1. You can research alot about the drugs you are doing and how to come off of them. I know everyone likes that high but is it worth your life?????????????????????
I hope you will find support here and that you make a decision based on your wants.
Good Luck
PS. I was only on percocet for about 7 months (car accident) I wasn't addicted I just felt like I was losing alittle control so I stopped. Reading the posts from others that have lost so much because of drugs gave me a big kick in the a**. Hopefully it will do the same for you.
Re: Hard Drugs are too soft. 
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