I am a recovering alcoholic who hasn't drank in 14 years. About 7 years ago after a minor surgery, I discovered Vicoden. My surgen prescribed far more than I needed. It made me feel perfect. I used it off and on over the years, and due to lack of availability, my habit was pretty controlled. I am too shy to fake injury with a doctor, so I would rely on others to share with me. Well as these last couple of years have gone on, I have found more and more easy reliable sources. Then I hit the jackpot this summer, with a guy who seemed to have an unlimited supply, for a very cheap price. Now my occasianal induldence has turned into a very bad habit. On my last Vicoden bender, I ate about 90 in a ten day period. My money and the supply just ran out, and now it's withdrawl time. I am on day three of the WD's. Although Vicoden WD's aren't a whole lot of fun, they pale in comparrison the the DT's I suffered after my last alcohol bendge. Well I am writing to say I am done being fooled by this sneaky drug. I am done. I quit smoking pot, cigarettes, and drinking. I know I can quit the V habit just as well. One day at a time. Any other Vicoden addicts who could give me advice, I would love to hear it.
Congrats to you! You've made a very good choice! You are going through the worst of it now - it will get better within two days, honest. I have been exactly where you are. Keep on telling yourself that you will survive - I honestly wondered if I would sometimes. The sneaky thing about withdrawal is the feeling of insanity that sometimes accompanies the aches and pains and stomach trouble. Rest as much as you can - just stay in the bed if you can get comfortable. Get as much reading material or whatever to keep you busy for several nights and hunker down, you are not going to get much sleep, I'm afraid. You really need to have something ready so you don't dwell on the feelings your body is having. Try to live in each moment with the assurance that this will pass. You are probably beginning to have body pain - this is perfectly normal as I am sure you have read so just try to ride with it, taking as many hot baths as you can. I withdrew in secret so I couldn't really take baths - if you can, you'll do OK.
When you feel that you can't go on, just remember that isn't you, that is the drug. The addiction wants to be fed and it will wreak havoc on your body trying to get you to take another pill. Stay strong and remember all that you have to live sober for. If you can beat alcohol, you can beat this! I know that you can, because if I can make it ten days, you can too.
I am just barely through the "acute withdrawal" stage myself, I feel for you sooooo much. I am here on the boards pretty much all day, I am stay at home mom for the moment - I sometimes substitute teach but I am usually at home. I will check for you every time I come online.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement Walkersma. I am on day three of WD's right now and I am at work on my lunch hour. My body is screaming for a couple of 750's right now. I have a coworker who is right in my department who would part with a couple for a mere $5.00, but I must fight the battle to avoid his services. I know if I can just make it one more day I will be fine, but the hard part is going to be staying clean after I start to feel good again. I am so sick and tired of deceiving my wife. She keeps tabs on our finances and I have to always lie as to were 20 bucks here and 40 bucks there went from my wallet. I am so sick of living this lie. I want to be a completely drug free man again, but those damn Vicodens are such the perfect drug for a guy who suffers from depression, but I have realized after this long summer of heavy indulgence, that I gotta stop. Two 750's just don't do what they used to, I just gotta keep taking more and more. I took 14 750's one day last week. I just hope people from this board can help me through this.
xrayman i wish i knew how to help. my husband has the same problem. injured back 2years ago. just started to abuse the vicodin in the last couple of months. doesn't need them all the time for pain but is now taking several 750's at a time to get high. he has admitted that he is taking them for the high. after one of his binges he is sick and doesnt' eat and sleeps constantly for 3 days. then he is fine for 6 weeks until the dr. gives him another prescription. i don't know how much longer i can tolerate his ugly attitude when he is using them. i wish i could help but ihave no answers.
Can I make a suggestion? It is based PURELY on my own experience, but it MAY be worth something. Can you possibly tell your wife? I went through the most hellacious week of my life without emotional support, only to realize as I slowly began to think more straight, that I had to tell my husband in any case. I had spent a lot of money that I had to account for. I was VERY surprised by his reaction. He was only initially angry. That lasted about 12 hours (if you only knew the amount of money I blew through, you'd call the man a saint!). I told him Sunday and by Monday, he came to me and said "I am here for you. Lets get you some help. I don't know much about what you are going through, but it is obviously horrible. There are professionals".
This wonderful man sat with me yesterday in an addictionologist appt, has agreed to pay untold thousand of dollars in rehab fees if I relapse and I just generally proving that he really loves me. Remember that your wife really loves you too, and you may think you are fooling her, but she probably knows something isn't quite right. These folks have pledged to love us and they really do, in most cases. Unless you continue to abuse that love, you can resurrect a lot of feelings that the drug was depriving you of.
Make sense? I'm sorry to ramble, but I am just "high" on the fact that I am able to talk about it at last with the people that are close to me. I am going to an NA meeting tonight. I called NA today, and I talked to a woman that was just like me! I thought a long time ago that it was all hokey - this addicts meeting together stuff, but there is something to it, I promise. Just talking to someone that has had these feelings and truly understands your problem is a relief. My contact told me that I just had to be clean today. Just today! Tomorrow morning, if I want to use, I can call her on her cell phone and we'll talk about tomorrow, but it isn't important right now. I successfully have made it through DAY 10. At 4:00 today, I started Day 11. I am praying for you and I have you in my thoughts constantly.
Remember, there are a lot of people in real life that love you very much. You'll be surprised at how much support you'll get if you try!
Let me know how you are doing - I just got home from the NA meeting and I accepted my first chip/keytag thingie. There is something to talking through this with other folks, it works. I posted about it on another thread. Shout out to me - I'll check later on tonight.
Thank you so much for your support. I don't have much time righ now to write, but I want you to stay in touch with me. I want to say I made it through day three. I avoided the man at work today. Finishing work today in my state was like running two marathons. I so much just want to do two more to get me through the day, but I held strong to temptation. I know tonight my skin will be crawling a little less than last night. Please stay in touch with me. I have so much more to say.
I am right on top of you, it looks like you posted about 1/2 hour ago! Don't use a drug until we connect. We are imperitive to each other!! I really think I can help you and that you can help me. The most important thing is that neither of us use without talking it out with each other on this board. Can you do that? Remember that no-one here knows who you are, I don't even. You are a name to me, I don't even know where you live. but I care, and I want us to be accountable to each other. WE CAN DO THIS. If, a year from now, we are able to come back here and post for newcomers that we did this, how awesome would that be?
You won't feel great tonight, but if you will hold tight, and don't take a drug, I will look again in another half hour and so on until I see your post. I am not sleeping much so I'll be up awhile, and I get up early in the mornings to take carpool to school (how surburban, huh?)
If you feel you can't hold on, think of me here. I am just as scared as you and just as needy as you, and my habit was much worse that 2 pills could control at a time. I used at least 15/day at my bad time, and I have been clean now for (working on) 11 days. We CAN do this, the key is support. I am here for you.
When it is unbearable, imagine me. I look just like most people's moms that you see in church or at school doing the civic volunteer thing. I am a 40 year old married mom of a lovely gifted 7 year old boy that two families base their entire lives around. I am a normal person in every way. I am a good person who made a bad decision to give into the addiction but I can choose not to do it anymore and so can you! I am short(er) and have shoulder length auburn hair and big brown eys and a big old white colgate smile. Close your eyes and picture me. I am there with you. I feel what you are fighting and I am fighting it too.
Walkersma, you got a deal. I will be here for you, if you will be here for me. You and I are almost the same age. I'm 42, married with two kids. I am a healthcare worker. Take a wild guess what I do. I made it through night four. I slept a little better than the night before. I am over the hard part. The beauty of today is that I am carpooling to work, and riding with someone else, so there is no chance of me scoring anything today. I usually hooked up with the main man on my lunch hour, by driving to his house. Day four, Vicoden free is a given. I didn't realize that you had just recently kicked the habit. I just figured you had been clean for a while. So we are in the same boat. Let me tell you one thing about myself. I have the most addictive personality on the planet. When I practiced my acoholism, I was totally out of control. I drank vodka for breakfast. But my addictive personality also is an asset. I am also an execise addict. I am running in a 10 mile race with my son next Saturday. This withdrawl period is preventing me from training, but I will get it together by then. It's funny because my son and I ran a 10K earlier this summer, and I popped a couple of our little friends before that race, and I must say I did OK. That's the beauty of the drug. You can do anything on it. A perfect workday for me is when I had eight or 10 750s. If I could pop two every two hours, it was a perfect workday. That is why it's is going to be so hard to stop. With alcohol, you can't funtion in normal life when you are drunk out of your mind, but with Vicoden, you can function BETTER, and you know that. Many will say I am wrong, but I know and you know I am not. The only downside I had while I was on the drug, is the fact that my sex drive suffered a bit, but I felt so good I really didn't mind, and I could still get the job done. But obviosly the biggest downside is the fact that I just keep needing more and more, and when you start taking more and more, then finally stop, you must pay the price with more severe withdrawls. When I first started my habit. I could take four on a Friday or Saturday night, and I was fine, but now four on a Friday night woud be good for a couple hours. Let me ask you a question Walkersma. Did you ever wish that you just had a million Vicoden so that you would just never run out and would never have to withdrawl? I have so many times. Now I must get into the mindset I did when I finally quit drinking. The one thing I learned in AA, is that I can never drink again. Walkersma, YOU AND I CAN NEVER POP A VICODEN AGAIN.
My lunch hour is at 4pm eastern time, and I will post again then from work. I bring in my laptop and we have a wireless network in the hospital, so I can write to you from our breakroom. Stay in Touch !!!!!!!!!!!!!
You sound so good for Day 4, I am really impressed. My day four was horrific. I am just now beginning to feel at all better, and am still not getting any sleep. I am also now having to realize the consequences of my actions. I am not in a good place mentally to do that right now and it is very hard. My hub is being really good, but our home phone got turned off this morning, and that was one bill that was my responsibility. I had to call him from the cell phone and tell him. He said he would get it paid tomorrow, but I can tell that he is extremely angry that I have put us in this position. We've not ever had this happen before. And I know that he is thinking why in the world did my life partner put us in this position?! Stress overload at the moment. And I never went to bed last night till after 3, then up at 6:45 for school. I'm trying to pray, and to say "please help me", but I am feeling sooo low right now.
It sounds like you didn't have to get to the "bottom" that I did before you realized that you needed to stop. Be grateful for that. You will have an easier time. For some reason, I think it helps to be a man too. Women seem to have a rougher time of it.
I can't even call anyone now for support. I imagine my internet access will go sometime today too. So if I don't post, pray, and I'll get back with you asap.
Don't think about NEVER AGAIN. Just think about today. Ask for help today when you feel low and then be thankful tonight that you made it through today. I have learned that much at least.
Oh God, I feel sooooooooo terrible. At least it is Day 11.
Walkersma, I have still not left for work. I guess I must be so thankful my wife keeps such a tight grip on our finances. That is so sad you let things go so far as to get your phone turned off. I know if she didn't and I were on my own, I probably would be charging Vicodens on my credit card online and getting myself way in over my head. Let me confess to you some of the crap I had to pull to get my drug money. I have a very dear friend and coworker dying of cancer. We have been raising money for his family at work. I told my wife I was going to donate $75 to the cause where I really only donated $20 and spent the rest on our little friendly pills. I would tell my wife that I bought a part for $100 that I installed in my comper to make it run better. Of cousre she would never check inside my PC. I had to be so sneaky to not get her to question where my money was going, and I guess that is a true blessing that I can't just withdraw $150 and spend it on Vicodens, because in the end that is really what made me stop. When I went through my last pile of pills, and took my last four on Sunday, there was just now way I could scam any more money out of the ATM, and buy another 20 to keep me going. I ran out of sneaky options. That is when I decided that the time is now to quit. Walkersma(I hate using these silly names, I with I knew your real name), I must say I hate the one day at a time creed. For me it has to be. NEVER AGAIN. I hope to see another post from you at my lunch hour.
I think it would be a great idea to tell your wife.
My husband knew that I was taking the hydro. but he had no idea
how many. After I got help and told him that I was taking 20 a day,
it was out in the open and he could support me. My best friend got me
into a dr. the next day I told her that I was taking more hydro.than what I
had told her.
The Dr. put me on Methadone, and it worked very well.
I feel for you, I just wish that you did not have to go through this alone,
AND cold turkey.
I slept this morning to two hours. Of course it felt like the sleep of the damned but I must admit I feel a little clearer. Still crappy mentally, but clearer.
Thanks for the support. I am dealing with such crushing guilt. That is my real problem and the basis for the pill problem, I think. I just have always felt like I wasn't quite good enough without that extra shine of the pills. I have been taught recently that we addicts (and we are, I know, addicts) have a problem with dealing with things straight and we need to address that problem to deal with the addiction. OK, so now I know why, I have completely #$%ed the folks I love, and now what? Anybody out there that can help? I have cried all morning, when I wasn't sleeping a VERY THIN sleep.
Blue Julie, I survived the perils of alcohol D.T.'s. Comepared to that Vicoden WD's are a walk in the park. Not that they are fun, but I could do a week of Vicoden WD standing on my head easier than I could go though a day of the alcohol D.T's. There is no comparison with me. Depite the unpleasantness of the Vic withdrawls I am able to work, and sleep(not real well at times, but I do sleep). When I was at my worst with the alcohol D.T.'s I was up for three solid days with absolutely no sleep. I was shaking in a puddle of cold sweat. I had halutionations. I was unable to function, period. I am so glad I had to go throught that hell, because the thought of ever going through that again, keeps me from ever drinking again. I can get over the Vic WD's without help. I am a little troubled by you use of methadome. I sure don't know a thing about your story, but that sounds like trading Vicoden for another bad habit, but I guess I am nieve to what methodme actually is, but I heard it's a great long lasting high. I guess I would like to hear what your WD from Vicoden with like. Julie I would love to hear more about your story. How long did you use Vicodens?
I fell so bad for you. I guess I can say one thing about my habit, I never spent money that I couldn't spend. Like I wouldn't take the money for the electric bill and buy pills, I would just spend money that I might use to buy CD's, something for my computer, or fast food with to buy pills. I would use my spending money, not bill money, so that was never a problem. I must say the Vic habit is a pretty cheap one if you have the right connections. I would barter services for Vics. I am very good with my computer and I would do projects for people for pills or pill money. It's funny when you really realize you have a problem when you start lying to your suppliers. I would buy some off someone and say, "Wow it's been a couple of weeks since I've had a good Vic," when in reality I just finished a load I bought from another source. I was a sneaky guy even with my suppliers. I never wanted any of them to know about each other, even though some knew each other. I really didn't even want my fellow Vicoden users to know how bad my habit had become. I have quite a network of Vicoden user friends at the workplace, and I hate to say it, but I was the worst of them, unless one of the others was fooling me too. Has anyone else played this game? Robin as you said, we all have a root reason we use these drugs, and mine is chronic depression. I had a great childhood, but at about age 19, I became a depressed adult. I have been fighting the beast of depression for 23 years now. I have good days and bad days, but as long as I was full of Vicodens, I was on top of the world. It's just when the damn things would wear off. I really fooled myself into thinking I found the ultimate anti-depressant, but I was wrong. The sad thing is that I tried antidepressants, and they were worthless. I spent 1000's on therapy, which also was worthless. Well I guess I must go get something to eat, and I will stop there. It's nice that I am kind of getting my appitite back. Hang in there Robin. Your life will get better and you and I will beat these things.