I am having a not so good day, and as usual I turn to this board for the support I so desperately find myself needing these days. Nothing in particular I suppose....just feeling a little down...So, I guess a word of encourgement is what I am seeking....don't really know. I just know I had hoped that after 4 months clean, I would be feeling better than I am. I really hope this doesn't discourage anyone sitting on that fence we all know so well.....just need a friend right now.
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J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
Last edited by butterfly64; 10-15-2005 at 12:14 PM.
I am having a not so good day, and as usualy I turn to this board for the support I so desperately find myself needing these days. Nothing in particular I suppose....just feeling a little down...So, I guess a word of encourgement is what I am seeking....don't really know. I just know I had hoped that after 4 months clean, I would be feeling better than I am. I really hope this doesn't discourage anyone sitting on that fence we all know so well.....just feel the need for a friend right now.
Hi butterfly! I am sorry to hear that you arent having a very good day! I am sitting right here so if you want to talk. Dont get discouraged because you are having a bad day. WOW....4 months clean! You should be sooooooo very proud of yourself! Besides, everyone has a bad day once in awhile. Keep your chin up and keep on going!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for responding...I know I should be proud...but instead I find myself in this horrible fog most of the time these days. I have been diagnosed with depression(go figure)..... and put on anti depressants..but the need to "numb" myself is so great.....I fight it every second of the day.....I just want my life back!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry I am being so negative....I am usually such an "up" personality....and I think that is what is killing me...... I just WANT TO WANT to do something productive.
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J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
I have such a hard time understanding......... there have been like over 10 views of this post..and only one response.......does no one feel like talking?
__________________
J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
Last edited by butterfly64; 10-15-2005 at 01:10 PM.
thank you for responding...I know I should be proud...but instead I find myself in this horrible fog most of the time these days. I have been diagnosed with depression(go figure)..... and put on anti depressants..but the need to "numb" myself is so great.....I fight it every second of the day.....I just want my life back!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry I am being so negative....I am usually such an "up" personality....and I think that is what is killing me...... I just WANT TO WANT to do something productive.
butterfly, Boy do i know how terrible the depression can be! I also know how yucky it feels to be in that fog!!!!! So what anti-depressant are you on... if you dont mind me asking? Do you think it is working?
I also know exactly what you are feeling when you say that you have the need to numb yourself and that you want your life back, as that is the exact struggle that i am dealing with everyday. It's like you know what you want in your life for the most part but it seems so far out of reach and you just cant figure out how to get it......but yet it seems so simple for other people.
Ya know what i mean??????????
First of all...thank you so much for taking the time to respond...I feel like I am really on the edge of needing to call call the crisis line..... my need to numb myself is so overwhelming, almost unbearable.....I just don't want to end up in emergency like I did a few weeks back.I am not sure just how much more my poor husband and son can take........ but the voices in my head.. are almost unbearable...... I am on prozac....(I HATE that by the way)....... I guess it is the stigma associated with it....... I don't know....but I just want to be NUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is one to do at this point? Keep fighting? I don't really know how much more I have left.,. I soooooooooooo appreciate your iput..
__________________
J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
First of all...thank you so much for taking the time to respond...I feel like I am really on the edge of needing to call call the crisis line..... my need to numb myself is so overwhelming, almost unbearable.....I just don't want to end up in emergency like I did a few weeks back.I am not sure just how much more my poor husband and son can take........ but the voices in my head.. are almost unbearable...... I am on prozac....(I HATE that by the way)....... I guess it is the stigma associated with it....... I don't know....but I just want to be NUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is one to do at this point? Keep fighting? I don't really know how much more I have left.,. I soooooooooooo appreciate your iput..
butterfly, Please dont thank me for talking to you....it isnt necessary as i dont mind at all! I have a bad memory so if you dont mind and you want too....tell me about what happened a few weeks ago that you ended up in emergency? Prozac is no big deal, there is sooooo many people out there who takes it. How long have you been on the Prozac? Do you think that part of your problem may be the medicine? Maybe you need a medication change.
What are the voices in your head saying to you? Please dont give up!!! You have come this far.....a long ways!!!! You will get through this! I am here for you.....as long as you need to talk, ok???? Tell me about yourself, your life, your precious child...if you feel up to it. I will talk to you about anything you want. Actually i would love to have someone to talk to !
I can't help it..I grew up in the South......we thank everyone for everything....
I ended up in emergency a little over 2 wks ago for attempted suicide.....mind you I never set out to kill myself......just drank myself into oblivion.... and blacked out.....I guess I told the 5000 cops in my living room that day that I had taken a whole bottle of pills( I hadn't.......beats me why I told them that.....memory is gone......absolutely blacked out)....
I have been on prozac for 2 weeks now...it doesn't seem to be helping... I know, give it time......give it time.....but what no one seems to take in to account is the 4 MONTHS I have been off narcotics.......and how long of a time that is for me to want my life back!!!! I just don't know what to do.I think I am turning into my alcoholic dad......I just want to drink because I can..... can you realte? I just want my life back!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________
J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
Butterfly, I hope that you dont think that i ask to many questions or are being nosey, i guess that i would just like to get to know you better as we seem to have the same feelings and problems.
If it seems to take me a few minutes to respond to you, dont worry i didnt leave..... you see i have a severely handicapped child and i am going to need to change his diaper here in a minute. YUCKY POO POO !!!! lol
I am so grateful for you talking to me at all....I feel as if I am a hopeless cause most of the time.....I try to be so positive here on this board.,...scared to death that something I say will deter someone else from taking the leap.....but my reality is so real to me right now..and I feel almost like I am fighting a losing battle..... I don't necessarily crave pills....I just crave normalcy........energy......... so on that note...didn't you try nutracleanse? Do you think it would help me now? even at this point? tell me your thoughts...I think we are more alike than I initially realized.....Please, I know everyone else has a life but me.....but hang with me..........kay?
__________________
J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
I can't help it..I grew up in the South......we thank everyone for everything....
I ended up in emergency a little over 2 wks ago for attempted suicide.....mind you I never set out to kill myself......just drank myself into oblivion.... and blacked out.....I guess I told the 5000 cops in my living room that day that I had taken a whole bottle of pills( I hadn't.......beats me why I told them that.....memory is gone......absolutely blacked out)....
I have been on prozac for 2 weeks now...it doesn't seem to be helping... I know, give it time......give it time.....but what no one seems to take in to account is the 4 MONTHS I have been off narcotics.......and how long of a time that is for me to want my life back!!!! I just don't know what to do.I think I am turning into my alcoholic dad......I just want to drink because I can..... can you realte? I just want my life back!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy do i ever know about the antidepressants and the "give it time" line of BS. When you need the medicine the worst, you just dont have the "TIME" to wait for it to work!!!! I had been on Lexapro for a long time and never really felt different the whole time i was taking it. Last December i started feeling really bad, bad enough that i was scaring myself.....so i went to the dr's and he changed the Lexapro to Cymbalta. Have you ever heard of it? Well it literally saved my life! The best part of it was that only 4 days after i took that first pill i felt significantly different!!!!!!! It works VERY FAST!!!!!!
When i started taking it last Dec the Cymbalta had only been out on the market for a little less than 6 months..... so it is new and not very well known yet. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about the Prozac and if it is the right med for you or if there is a possibility that the Cymbalta may help you out better/???????
Hi butterfly (((((hugs)))) to you! This may sound crazy but can you go outside and sit in the sunshine for a while (if the weathers good where you live). Let the sun warm your body and ease your mind. Feel the wind on you.Try to find something to distract yourself from yourself...does that make any sense? Shoot, go bake some cookies for your son!
Just wanted you to know someone else was around and thinking about you. The short version on me is 6 months clean from Vicodin, I too take Prozac and have been taking the NC. A few thoughts...sometimes getting out of the house can be really helpful. I found that when I was struggling the most I tend to isolate and that actually makes things worse. Is there a friend you can go visit, take a walk, go shopping, exercise? Anything to get out of the house and out of your head. That's what I think we addicts do...live in our head thinking and rethinking things and that the opiates gave us a mental and physical escape. Now we have to learn how to do it differently. The Prozac took a while to reach max helping and I had to go up on my dose several times. This brings me to my next thought...do you have any support or treatment resources? That has made the biggest difference for me. I have a psychiatrist, therapist, sometimes go to NA meetings, talk to friends/family, read a million recovery books, anything to reach out and get help. Recovery is the toughest thing we probably will ever do, don't do it alone, you are walking a slippery slope if you do it in isolation from others. This board is great but not a substitute for live, human contact. I don't know the details of your situation but am happy to listen and share more. I will be on and off the board for the next two days. Have some things planned but will check in on you. Take care, hang in there I totally understand!
Susan
Ya know..I agree with the sunshine thing......but unfortuntely I live in alaska.......no sunshine here this time of year...... Sooooooooooooooooooo many people suffer from "cabin fever" here.....never have myself..but can't help but think that that is part of this "slump"......this time for me........ It all dates back to my opiate withdrawl 4 months back.....I am coming off of an amazing amount of opiates....I was taking at least 500 mgs of oxycontin a day.......I am so lucky that I just didnt kill myself....can you imagine if I took those amounts now? I would be dead!!!!!!!!!!
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J-
"If you don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, you're in the wrong tunnel."
I just read another of your latest post and it explains one thing, you were taking a lot of opiates. Not meant to be judgemental just that it will take your body even longer to rebalance chemically. Also have you heard of the light therapy? I lived in Seattle for 7 years and know many people who did it there and found it very helpful.
WOW! Hi up there in Alaska. Ok...how about a cozy fire or at least turn on every light in the house....make a nice pot of coffee and bake some cookies or make some chili. Any activity to get you moving. You can do it..you have already come so far. I am getting over a 80-100mg/day hydrocodone habit. Been 3 weeks now....still bothers me some.
I am so grateful for you talking to me at all....I feel as if I am a hopeless cause most of the time.....I try to be so positive here on this board.,...scared to death that something I say will deter someone else from taking the leap.....but my reality is so real to me right now..and I feel almost like I am fighting a losing battle..... I don't necessarily crave pills....I just crave normalcy........energy......... so on that note...didn't you try nutracleanse? Do you think it would help me now? even at this point? tell me your thoughts...I think we are more alike than I initially realized.....Please, I know everyone else has a life but me.....but hang with me..........kay?
Well, well, well, let me rephrase what you just said about everyone else having a life but you......believe me when i say that i have no life either. Really.....I have no life!!!!! I, like you, am fighting to get my life back as well.
Ya know, you dont have to put a mask on and pretend to be positive all the time on here. Say exactly how you feel at that very moment.....as we all need the cold hard truth as to the long road to recovery and how very hard it really is..... that is just one more BIG reason why you should be very proud of yourself for coming this far.
Yes, i have tried the NC nose drops and i swear by them! I also truelly believe that they would work for you, even at this stage. They would more than likely help your energy level as well as just make you feel very good.
Try them!
