just figured id write a quick update...lol, not sure where to start, i talked to my ex for the first time since he left tonight, wow, that wasnt a good idea.lol. ill spare you the details but the end result was me hanging up on him...he's soo desperate for money, its makes me soo sad. i guess maybe his world is falling apart around him, or maybe he was just jonesing, or maybe he meant everything he said. i dont know, but i do know its not my problem. he made his choices, and now he has to deal with the rest and i sure wont be giving him my hard earned money because hes chosen to be an irresponsible idiot.
as for myself, there was a moment of self empowerment with hanging up on him. ive never done such a thing, and i hope i never have to again, but i will never regret ending that conversation. in the past, i would have taken listened to him as he turned the events around to make me feel wrong, and i would have given in...felt guilty, given him money, said 'i love you..lets work things out'..lol. but i saw right thorough it all, i held my own. for the first time during our history together, i put my self first and stuck to my guns and argued back without caving and it felt soo good. i was still angry, but i didnt feel sad. i didnt cry, i didnt feel like beating myself up for not helping him. i finally saw through everything, and saw him without the rose colored glasses i had been wearing..and what a sad individual he has become. i feel stupid for loving him so much, but at the same time i dont, because i know my love was real and it was for a real person. that person is gone...and now i get to move on. ive arranged for his stuff to be removed from my apartment on wednesday...and the nightmare will finally be over.
lol, hope everyone else has a fantastic week
armemom, you sound sooo much better
felicia, im sorry about your sons, please dont hate them, it wont do you anygood. and above all dont hate yourself. fall in love with yourself. and find happiness...all the best
WOW!! Look how far you've come in such a short period of time. I'm so proud of you for standing your ground and seeing the ex bf for what he has become. You have become such a stong young woman in just a few short months. Glad to hear you're finally getting his stuff out of your place. Now that one took a while. It is part of your recovery and letting go.
You should not feel stupid for loving him. You loved the person he was, not the person he became. It's very hard to let go of that person. I know because I felt the same way about my ex. I loved the person he was before drugs, but not what he became after them.
I am better for today. I live one day at a time and one moment at a time when needed. I hope you have a good Monday.
thanks babe. how is your daughter? and the job search? and your sister?
lol, im sorry if i dont post on your threads...i know it must look selfish, its by no means intentional. im always here to read what you write, sometimes i dont think i have any right to say anything, and i dont always have anything good to say to help..lol. but know i have grown to love you and and i always give myself enough time to check your threads....have a great monday as well
Daughters doing great. She is gettting ready for Cheerleading competition the weekend before Christmas. Unfortuantely (and I'd never say this to her), I think her squad sux. She and I have talked about it and decided next year not to try out for cheerleading at school. But to join a competition team here in town. She has trained with the facility that has the competition team before trying out for cheerleader last year.
Still searching for a job..working on cleaning out and packing house today.
What can I say about my sister. God love her, she's still herself.
Love ya too Kris. Have a great week. Let me know how you are after the stuffs picked up on Wednesday.
I can certainly relate to your post. More than you know, unless you've read my posts, too. Anyway, you are doing the right thing. I constantly get sucked back in by my ex fiance, and putting an end to that sort of thing is necessary for growth. It feels so good to stand up for yourself, realize you deserve better, put your own emotional health first, and realize that you do not have to be part of a conversation that hurts you. And backing away from the situation certainly helps seeing it for what it is. You can recognize patterns and behaviors that you didn't see before because you were too close to the situation.
GOOD FOR YOU!! Please keep posting. I need to know I am not the only one going through this stuff and trying to stay clean.
Wow-I thought was reading about my own ex. You're dealing a lot better that I. I'm still trying to "help" and cannot detach. I always feel hurt. After some time away from him I start to realize the manipulative tactics but give him a second around me...I'm back at square 1 again. I am really sick and tired of worrying about his worries and paying for his ****--when he doesn't budget. I hope I get to your place soon. I'm trying to let each and every day. But I still get that overwhelming feeling that I'm not "there" for him, feeling guilty and all the rest. But he's made his own bed...and its not a 2-way road with us and i have to remember that. Thank you for sharing.
well we will se how tomorrow goes. ive arranged for his friend to come and pick stuff up at noon....he text messaged me tonight and said my ex may be coming with him...so tonight everything is going into storage and he can fend for himself..im going out for lunch..lol. i dont want to see him because i know hell try to pull the same ol crap and i dont want to have to listen to it..lol i think it was probably the hardest conclusion to come to, the fact that this truly wasnt a two sided relationship..it was about him and himself, i just happened to be around at the time...i dont want to feel gulty anymore and i sure dont want to think about what if id done this or that..its no use. there is nothing i could have done to make this outcome any different and i know that. but i can hear it in my head already...'if you hadnt done this or if youd done that we'd still be together...load of crap...lol
mischief...it definitly is harder to go through when trying to stay clean...im sorry i havent read your posts, but i will make a point of doing so...when we are recovering ourselves, our self esteem is already bruised...when we have to deal with someone else making us feel like sh**, it feels like we are broken. but you can do it...we can do it together..lol
serenity26...money is HUGE..he didnt work and was horrible at budgeting the money he did have...and you're right, guys have an amazing way of making us feel like we are in the wrong, like there is more we can do to be there for them...guilt is a horrible emotion. but dont feel that way. dont feel guilty for putting yourself first, especially if he is draining you. i doubt you have anything to feel guilty about , i know i didnt..
HI ARMEMOM...LOVE YA!!
unfortunalty..tomorrow i am quite certain he will take the modem for the internet...rightfully so considering the account is under his name..so if dont post for a couple of days, im waiting to be reconnected.
love you all..stay stong...and wish me luck
Good ideas all the way around. I can tell you enough times how proud I am of you and how far you've come in such a short time. Have a great Wednesday. Pamper yourself and we'll hear from you when you get reconnected.