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Old 12-05-2005, 12:17 PM   #1
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Advice about drinking

Hi there

Am after some advice about my mum. She's 62 and has been a heavy drinker for at least 25 years. She gets very angry if anyone mentions her drinking to her and I think she convinces herself that she doesn't have a problem with it. I've been getting worried about her behaviour and came across some pages about alcohol related dementia. Her personality can change - she can be lovely and be equally nasty, without any particular reason. She's forgetful (she does admit to this), but equally will be adamant that she has (or hasn't) done things and won't believe that she's wrong. Her behaviour sometimes seems irrational (she recently called a friend of mine because she was worried she hadn't heard from me - I'd been trying to contact her for three weeks, and I wondered why she would call my friend instead of calling me?). She's also quite paranoid and thinks that people have often got it in for her (for example, her car got scratched in a car park - she's certain someone knew it was hers and did it on purpose). I can see how drinking would cause some of these things and I have read that the brain can change permanantly with years of heavy drinking. I'd really like her to stop, but I'm scared of raising it with her again and also don't know if there's anything I can say/do that will make her realise the damage she's doing to herself. She's a very pleasant drunk and I think that's part of the problem - it means she's 'not doing anyone any harm'.

My step-dad is a very heavy drinker and my sister refuses to accept that our mum has a problem. I can see my mum being totally out of her mind in another 10 years and I think it's such a shame, and I'm sure if she stopped drinking she could help herself a lot. It's a big question, but what do I do??!!

Thanks in advance for any advice.

 
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Old 12-05-2005, 07:17 PM   #2
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Re: Advice about drinking

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do. Unless she wants to quit, she won't. I always got angry or defensive about my drinking, and in hindsight it was b/c I really kinda knew they were right, but couldn't admit it. The pain needs to be great enough for us to change. Different people have different amounts of pain they'll go through before changing, some never do. Finally I was sick and tired of the rat race. And I knew someone who had gone to aa, so I called them and they took me. Mind you, my ex asked me to go with him to a meeting not 5 months earlier and I was just aghast...I wasn't ready.

Honestly, all you can do is work on yourself. Maybe try an Al-anon meeting where you'll be around people who all are going through similar situations.
Sorry I couldn't give you any brighter news.

 
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