what can i do to help? - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

kimbercares4u · 12-08-2005, 04:51 AM

i don't know what to do. my girlfriend is a meth user. she has hit bottom before and now, i'm scared that she's hit it again. see, i don't live near her right now and i can't watch her every minute of the day, so i didn't see this coming. in just this last week she has wrecked her car, lost her job and almost got kicked out of the house. her mom could already tell she was using again but wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because, appearently, she hid it better this time around. last night she got into a major fight with her mom because her sister told what she's been doing. she admitted she had been doing it but hasn't had it since saturday and that she was to trying to quit her way. she just wants to lock herself in her room and sleep it off. she says that she knows what to do and how to do it and won't listen to anyone. she'll talk to me 24/7 or to her little sister, but won't let us help either. her emotions are jumping from one extreme to the other and i'm scared for all of them. i hate that i'm not there yet and i don't know what i can do to help. her mom is at her wits end about it and won't leave her alone. she tries to keep her from sleeping all day and bangs on her door, screams at her through the door, calls her from the other phone. there have always been issues between the two of them but now it's getting out of hand. she blames mom for this, mom blames her for that, mom is a nag and a *****, she's a bad kid and i don't deserve this....(too much screaming for me)
i'm scared and i'm totally helpless being so far away. should her mom just leave her alone, stop nagging/criticizing her, or let her sleep and do it her way? i love them all so very much and would do anything for them, but i just don't know how to help or what to do. any ideas, suggestions, thoughts, opinions? please anything

valleygurl · 12-08-2005, 06:20 AM

Hi There, Unfortunately there is NOTHING that you can do. Your friend has to want to quit and do it for herself....nobody else. How old is she? Is she old enough to live on her own? If that is the case then her mother needs to tell her to get out. Addiction makes the whole family sick and anyone who is close and cares about the addict. The family shouldnt have to deal with her addiction nor should they enable her. If she is of age, by her mother letting her live there regardless if she has a job or not, that is a part of enabling her.
Tough love really is the only way.

I know that this isnt what you wanted to hear, but there really isnt an easy way.

Good Luck,
Valley

Arememom · 12-08-2005, 07:34 AM

Hey kimbercares4u,

Meth is the big daddy of the drug world today. I'm a recovering crack addict and in outpatient rehab, my counselor, sayes that Meth is much, much worse. And Crack use to be the king of the drug world addiction wise. I've never heard of anyone who could kick Meth by themselves. I suppose anything is possible, but I doubt it. Encourage your friend to go into at least outpatient rehab (really needs inpatient probably) and to attend 12 step meetings - NA or CA. Valley is right about the whole family being made sick by addiction. Mom needs to either make her get help if she's under age or if she is old enough get out unless willing to get help. The family dynamics sounds unstable and the issues there are probably some of what this young woman needs to deal with to get and stay clean and sober.

Meth and Crack users can stop for a few days, even a couple of weeks at a time. But unfortunately that is about as long as it will last without some type of rehab and/or support system. She needs the support/understanding that only a recovering addict can give her. She also needs someone who will call her on her sh.. and know when she's bull....... The sleeping for days is part of the cycle with Meth/Crack addicts. They stay up for days and days using and then crash for days and days to recover. Then the cycle begins again.

Hope this helps a little. There is so much more we could say, but in the end your friend must admit she is an addict, that she is powerless over drugs and that her life is unmanagble. Then she must be willing to go to any lengths to get and stay clean. She must realize that one of three things is going to happen to her - Recovery - Institutitions (Jail) - Death. There are no alternatives. She must also hit bottom so to speak. When the consequences of her drug use get so bad that she will surrender completely then she can begin to heal and recover.