My name's Zeek, I live in South Florida. I am brand new to the board, I have been browsing it for a bit and I really like how everybody really helps everyone out.
I am 22 years old, and I started smoking marijuana about 3 years ago. Became a strong smoker about a year and a half ago.
That day, 3 years ago, I made the worst decision of my life...tried pot.
It has absolutly destroyed my life. Everything was going so incredibly well for me, I had a great job, great friends and was doing everything I wanted.
Now, I lost most of my friends, I never want to work, and my relationship with love ones as gone down the drain.
I've actually been wanting to stop smoking for a long time now, here's what happens to me. I will smoke, get extremely depressed thinking about how bad things have gone, and say to myself I won't smoke ever again.
10 minutes later I'm already thinking about when the next time I get to smoke will be. Most of my time during the day is spent thinking when will I have the chance to smoke again.
I tried deleting the person's number off of my phone who I can get the pot from, but I find myself the next day calling others trying to get that number back. There goes another hour of my life which could have been spent so much more productivly.
I think about the countless hours of my life that I have COMPLETLY WASTED these past couple of years, and it makes want to cry. IT is EVERY DAY that I just waste away, hoping to get another smoke in.
I want to quit, and yet, at the same time, I'm hoping I'll be able to smoke tonight.
I really need help, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel isolated from anyone. I never really want to do anything other than just sit around. I get mad when someone calls me on the phone and interrupts me from NOT DOING ANYTHING!!!
I could keep going, but I think I've made this post long enough. Sorry for that.
I do hope that not everyone has had to go through the same as I have, and I'm still going through it, and I'm really hoping this moment is what will turn my life around.
Thank you everyone
Pot isn't the monkey on my back, but I am a bit of a reformed pothead so I thought I'd respond. I started smoking pot when I was 13, moved in with my pot dealer when I was 18, left him for his dealer when I was 21. (I loved the guys, so it wasn't all a drug thing, but it was a lifestyle!) It was all pot, all the time. We got busted for selling it in 1991 and boom, probation, had to go straight. I didn't think I could do it, but drug tests for 3 years didn't give me a choice. Well, pot's been there for me off and on. I've really noticed that my friends that smoke, just smoke. They work minimum wage jobs, are musicians, or don't work. My non-doper friends went to college, and have careers and families. I kind of drifted into a pattern of smoking pot at night, after my daughter went to bed. When I was laid off in October, I had to quit smoking for drug tests for jobs. I finally got a job, with no drug test!, and got high. It sucked. It just made me tired. I had built pot up in my head so much that it was amazing how lame it felt when I finally indulged. Now I realize I can take it or leave it, and with my addictive personality I'm gonna try to leave it.
To me, the danger of pot is that it's a gateway drug. It always led to much bigger and worse drugs to me. And when you're high, you're not motivated to do much of anything. It sounds like you realize that and want to get off, but you are torn b/c you are addicted. Sounds just like me and pain pills, my doc.
My advice would be to try to get away from it, is there a sober place (like a friend or relative's out of state) you can go to and be away from the pot. You'll be gripey and agitated at first, but you'll find your calm again. Have you thought about going to an N/A meeting to get support there? Maybe you should just tell yourself you'll be clean for a week, and take it one day at a time. Get rid of your pot and pipes and lose the phone numbers. Make a list of goals you haven't achieved due to being high. Look at the stoners around you and ask yourself if that's what you want? Avoid stoner movies, by the way. Way too tempting right now.
Hope this helped. If not, write me back anyway. I'm here for support.
Z-dog (mind if I call you that? fits a so. FL guy),
I am a reformed pot smoker, I used to toke every hour begining at 6in the morning (remeber the Cypress Hill song?? That was me. If you don't know these guys, check out the album--came out about 10-12 years ago) and not stoping until my head hit the pillow at night. TG that was over 8 years ago. I know this will be hard, but can you make a list of things you would like to accompish in the next year? I did this and eventually made up my mind to go to school--something i could not have done stoned. I did find the light at the end of the tunnel, I came away from school 8 years later with a Graduate Degree! YOU CAN TOO, just MAKE UP YOUR MIND! If you have faith in yourself, the rest will follow. (not saying school is the answer, the answer is following any number of your dreams).
If there are any passions in your life, go with it, they will keep you occupied. In the meantime, take it ten minutes at a time, when you crave, try to go for a walk or do something to take your mind off this devil of a problem.
Last edited by barbaric_yawp; 02-15-2006 at 11:55 AM.