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Originally Posted by jaguar63122 Everyone...Needing advice to know if I have made the correct decision. My husband has been on oxycotin (with perscription) for over 3 years now for a failed back surgery. He is also on Methadone, Seraquel, Clonazapan, Hydrocodone, and Nortripiline. All from the same Dr. My husband always runs out early every month, and the Dr. never cares and just moves up his appointments. I have watched my husband go from the greatest Father and husband in the world, to someone who doesn't care about anything. Doesn't care to get out of bed. Doesn't care to bathe. Doesn't care. He sleeps 20 hours out of 24 hours a day. The hardest part is how mean he is. He says things I belive he would never say if he was not on the medication. We had a fight a few days ago, and he told me we needed to go our seperate ways. I agreed, but he went and told his family that I asked for a divorce. His mind the way it is, he might truely believe he didn't say it. He never acts high, but he is not himself. If I ask him, he says that the drugs do nothing for him but control his pain. I cant believe that! I wish he could see what he has become over the last 3 years. I plan to leave my husband if he refuses treatment. Is there a way to convience my husband that he needs help? I am the only provider for our home, and Im not sure how my husband will survive without me. My husband does not help with any household duties. Basically he sleeps, pops pills, and is depressed all day. I want to help him desperately, but I dont want to destroy myself in the mean time. Any suggestions or commetns would be appriciated. Afer reading Largeman's story, I belive that his pain might not be as bad as he thinks if he would just come clean. Also...what is your opions on the Dr. doesn't that not seem right, or am I over reacting?
Thanks,
Jaguar |
Wow Jag, I'm so sorry to hear what you (and your husband) are going through. I think your assessment is dead on, something isn't right there. That's A LOT of medication and mixing methadone, Oxy, and hydro is the giant flashing red light to that story. If you would have asked me three months before I quit I would have 1) been extremely angry that you doubted my pain 2) believed whole-heartedly that my pain was still real. Before I started out on the pills I had a legit medical issue, however 2 and a half years later who knows whether or not my pain was caused by my dependence or my illness - by then I didn't care and I just wanted the drugs. It sounds like your husband is so doped up that he has lost touch. While I never "acted high" I definitely can relate to letting things go around me. And for the record, when I tried to quit my doctor didn't approve and actually wanted to transition me to oxys too, so sometimes the doctor is your worst enemy.
As far as suggestions go, it may be hard because it has been a while, but you have to separate who he used to be from who he has become on the pills. His perception of reality is distorted and anything that might remove him from his pills he will percieve as an attack. You can't let that stop you though, I would seriously considering meeting with his doctor one-on-one to address your very valid concerns. I can't promise he will hear you, but that would be my first step. Ask him about other forms of pain management that aren't narcotic based. This will very likely upset your husband but your children deserve their father back and if you don't explore your options they will lose what they have left of him eventually.
Few people out in the world will understand what you are doing is saving his life. He and possibly friends and family might view you as the bad guy, so I hope you have some sort of support system to help you cope during this difficult time. His talk of divorce is practically comical because without you he would be lost. If he refuses to get help then the only thing you can do is try to make a better life for yourself and your kids. The reality of no longer being able to sleep all day without someone caring for him fulltime may be the thing that finally pushes him to take a hard look at his situation.
I can only speak from my own experiences, but today I have less pain then when I first took those pills. In the beginning they helped, but like most addicts will tell you, by the end there was more pain, no buzz, and horrible sinking feeling. Right now he is trapped and breaking free might be the thing he needs to finally feel better. His pain right now is very real but how much of that is caused by the pills (which, after long-term use actually prevent your bodies natural pain relievers from working) or caused by a real physical ailment is hard to say. It is very likely his physical problem is excerbated by those pills though.
Regardless of what happens you don't deserve to be held hostage here. I hope things work out, but if they don't this isn't your fault. If your doctor is unwilling to help there are plenty of other doctors who are versed in dealing with patients who have become dependant and need to transition off of narcotics. I wish you all the best.
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