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Old 04-27-2006, 12:00 PM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 127
Ukonom HB User
One year down!

Hey guys (gals)..........just thought I would would post and (not rub anything in) but I made it a year and going strong!, or at least I think I am sometimes. Life is full of ups and downs, and this year has been more testing than anything I can remember.......but not once did I turn to narcotics (this was after having a 25-30 day Norco habit). If you are so inclined, you can do an advaned search and read my day to day journal that was nothing short of hell! I chose to do this route with standard vitamins, Immodium, and some OTC sleep aids..it wasn't pretty.....but I got er done, and I'm thankful for that!

I notice many of you are going through the beginning stages of this self-imposed hell, and I just wanted you to know that I believe in you and you can do this....although I would recommend using the "recipe" as I think it would've saved me some pain along the way! To each their own. Some of you seem to breezing right along, while others struggle. You have to have the intestinal fortitude to beat this demon!

I never missed a day of work, as I found the time passed faster. I also recommend doing as much physical activity that you can handle. Simply stated, some of you will never break this.......that is not your fault as many of you have chronic conditions that require help to hold on to some sort of semblance of life. Is life better on the other side??? Someimes I wonder.....but then I go back and read my journal entries and remember how I never want to go through this again.

I have had 2 root canals, and a stress fracture, but have refused any sort of narcotic. I'm not trying to earn brownie points, but it was a hard decision, when that doc has that script pad; its hard to say no! I just told the docs/dentists that I enjoy pain! (lol). I also quit drinking, and have only have one bad habit to beat! You see, I love to gamble on sports.......but right now that is the lesser of the evils.

I never thought I would make it to a year! It just goes to show you that your payday will be here too also! If you need any advise, I should be around! None of you are bad people, just got caught up in a world with evil temptation. Don't lose hope in yourself, as I have learned, you are the only one that can do this on your own!

Some political commentary: Back in the days when I frequented this board, I was told numerous times to get into a NA meeting or seek alternative help! I have nothing against people that choose to go through this route; however, I do have problems with people that shove it down your throat as a cure all. It doesn't matter who it is, but there was a gal on here that was clean for about 10 months and promoted the only way to keep clean is to attend meeting;btw: the last time I checked she was back in her misery of the pillz. Once again, to each their own, but not all people need a support group nor do they want the stigma attached to the so-called confidentiality that seems so prevalent at these meetings. If you are strong and you are, or you wouldn't be here in the first place)..........but loosen up from some of you old timers that seem to love to shove the 12 steps down your throat! Suggestions are acceptable, but telling someone that they will fail because they haven't been to a meeting is bularky! Go join a frat if you need comradery and outside influence. The important thing here is that we are all unique individuals with different needs and different methods.....do what works for you...and you have my support 110%

My hopes and prayers are offered to each and every one of you going through this! It does get better, some days are better than others, but it will happen. It took me 6 months before I felt any semblance of normality. Go back and read Ukonom entries and you will see what I did wrong; and what I would do over again.............although that won't happen. Our bodies are our temples and we should treat them as such, so why do we insist on denigrating them? I guess only modern medicine has that answer.

The other rant is that I see a lot of people on here complaining that their doctors are the ones to get them down this road to addiction. Guess what? You didn't have to take those pillz (unless of course it was for something major)......it really is simple to say no.....not hard, but not easy either....I'm mean you paid for that consult so your thoughts must have been I'm going to get something out of this! I also see patients that doctor shop, double dip, etc. Guess what, this is gonna catch up with you soon! Even if you order online, they are putting a national database together to catch these addicts, and who knows what the consequences will be, but minimally you will have embarrassment from co-workers and get your name put into some database that will identify you as an addict! And if your ordering multitude amounts they can arrest you for selling/distributing!

Just be careful out there! Now is the time to let go of this habit! Besides, think of all the money you will save! Heck you probably could have bought a new car or down payment on a house with the years of spending the amounts of money you have. I'm not being judgemental, far from it! I was there too! But you can beat this! I did! My prayers and good wishes go out to all of you struggling right now with this insipidious disease!
Ukonom

 
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Old 04-27-2006, 12:48 PM   #2
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Burlington, Wi, USA
Posts: 10
SnappySteffie HB User
Re: One year down!

I'm glad you've made it a year! Congrats to you and best wishes on your future stuggles. I'm clean 17 days (which to an addict is like 17 years) and I am holding on. Sometimes I think I'm holding on desperately but those times pass.
The last two days, around 2pm I begin to get anxiety. Anyone else able to relate to this? The only way I can get past the anxiety is turn on a certain song VERY LOUD and scream and cry! I guess my body isn't used to "feeling" and I'm clearly upset about something. ( I got into a confrontation at group yesterday, but today I was in the middle of having lunch with a sober friend.... )
I'm glad to see that it is in fact possible to make it a year. We talked about some things today at group and someone had mentioned that at the NA meetings, no one there has made it a year. That kinda worried me. I was begining to wonder if it were possible!
Thanks for the vote of confidence and don't get carried away with the betting on sports like I did with scratch off lottery tickets 4 months ago! It was cheaper to use than get addicted to gambling! (insurance paid for most of everything)
Keep up the good fight! We will all win someday!

~Steffie

 
Old 04-27-2006, 04:36 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: One year down!

Congrats --I remember you . We were going through the same thing this time last year. I was doing so well, then after new years I crashed. I thought that 1 pill wouldnt hurt and here I am again in WD's and tapering. You r story is one that I will never forget. I will use it as inspiration. How did you day NO to the DR? That is what got me back into it. A DR friend told me I had to have the hydro script in case my back was bothering me again. Of course, I took it and told myself that i could handle it. Well here I am 6 months later in hell. 5 days and I will be better again. Give some more input to the 3 -6 and 9 month marks -- how did you get through them?

 
Old 04-27-2006, 05:55 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 921
kim4074 HB User
Re: One year down!

I went back and read all your old posts man are w/d's were almost the same I'm almost going into my 2nd week and my legs just wont stop. So running bath water right now!!! Thats the only thing right now thats stopping my sleep I just want to hang my feet from the ceiling a strech the hell out of them! If thats the only thing going on right now I think I will make it but hard to ignore the legs!!! Your and inspiration I posted something on here too "Why would we go back" when I get that little urge I read it and remind myself I am an addict and NO! Your just great lets me know there is hope and damn it I'm never going back I will have no probs remember my w/ds and never want to do that again. Thanks for your good news!

 
Old 04-29-2006, 03:39 AM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: texas
Posts: 67
kelso76023 HB User
Re: One year down!

Thanks for posting this good news. It gives me hope that my wife can do this also.

 
Old 04-30-2006, 07:13 PM   #6
Senior Member
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 127
Ukonom HB User
Re: One year down!

Thank you for all the positive comments!! The answer is simple! When the Doc pulled out his little script pad, I asked him just for some Ibuprofen...as it was out of the question for me to take even 1 vicadin. Don't get wrong, it hurt like hell (especially the teeth roots) but it helped me lose a couple of pounds so I viewed it like that!! HAHA.

Don't forget, some of you might remember I went through chemo and radiation at the ripe old age of 39; so I have figured if I can beat that, I can beat these yellow oval demons!!

I have hope for all of you! You can do this and must be positive. No, there will be days that will certainly test your resolve, but you are so much stronger than you know, and if you need to pray to a higher power, so be it!! I'm just not convinced NA sponsors (not including everyone here,,,,so relax) are the best for beating this, as this all breaks down to you doing it on your own!!!!

Kelso- I'm sorry to hear about your wife, but I will say if you can get her on this board, it could provide some great therapy! I know it did for me!! Just reading the various stories helped me make it through the rougher times!!!

Kim- you made me laugh, but at the same time I cringed!!!! That was the worst for me!! I highly recommended getting some sort of benzo to help you through the next couple of weeks. I lived in a hot bath and shower!!! In fact, there was nights that I would take one at 2:00 a.m. go back to bed and be back in the hot water (if there was any left) at 3:00 a.m. I also had horrible sneezes........that went on for about 2-3 months. Suppposedely this is your body healing, but I would think that I should have bought some benadryl to maybe help!! If your in your second week then your through the worst; although at times I thought the residuals were sometimes worse than the actual first 3-5 days!! Things will get better, I don't know when, as we are each different, but I'm praying your gonna be feeling like a million bucks in another week.

I do believe that withdrawals get worse each time we go through them, so unless your going to spend the rest of your life on these pillz, you might as well get it over now!!! Don't get me wrong...life has many hardships and I have faced a few this year, but I believe that being able to address those issues as they come up makes you stronger emotionally and we don't need those damn crutch pills anymore!!

I wish all of you the best on your journey!!! Please keep the board updated and if you need to seek medical advice or help...do it! Your life is too important to take any chances, besides haven't you tempted fate enough already?


Its a long road!! I still have some minor triggers (UPS, FEDEX) but most of those are diminished. Listen to the vets on this board. They have some good advise. Remember, your habit may only be 2-4 a day right now, and you think you can handle it, but in another year or two it will be up to proportions like 20-30 a day; we are always chasing the high!. Somethings got to give; and it will probably be your liver, or you will lose everything that you own dear to your life. Just being realistic here, and I wouldn't judge anyone! This is your life....only you can make the decision to stop!
I'm with you-
Ukonom

Last edited by Ukonom; 04-30-2006 at 07:18 PM. Reason: Typos

 
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