I've now been going to the methadone clinic for two and a half weeks. I put off that first day about a dozen times, and nearly blew my chance to get help at all.
Turned out, the "intake" process took only three hours. Now I go every day, have to be there between 5:30 and noon (and six and eleven on Saturday; you take home your meds on Saturday as they close Sundays.) I drive there after taking my 8-year-old son to school and I'm home within an hour.
I have never, ever, had this kind of success with any other form of treatment. The first few days sucked, as I was enhancing my "dose" with a methadose 40mg daily off the street. But now I'm on 80mg and of course have no need to do that. I haven't seen "my guy" (dealer) in 13 days!!! Haven't dialed his number, nothing! He's phoned me twice to "see how [I] was doing" (he wanted that $75 - $100 a day, that's what.) It cost me $56 on the first day, and now it's $12 a day. They don't let you charge or anything, but I've never needed to; can you imagine?
I've chosen the wrong time to write this letter, and in fact I think I'll write another when I've come home from work; I have to get ready now or I'll be late. But I had to tell you about this - you know, kind of treatment. I was snorting 320mgs of oxycontin a day (and more if I could get it, of course; some of you undoubtedly know how that is.)
I never had one single withdrawal symptom. Nothing. When I tried to detox cold turkey, I wanted to be dead; it was a nightmare. It was a complete and miserable failure and I went back to do even more than before. I went to in- and out-patient treatment centers, tried the Scientology clear program of detoxing, I went on spiritual "journeys," I went to a Suboxone doctor, went to so many psychiatrists, looking for that help I needed- oh man, you name it. I thought a methadone clinic was for like, you know, low class people. Thought I'd never be standing in a line like that. But then I got to thinking, "Well, hell, at least they CAN stand!" So I gave it a go. I had nothing left; it was a desperate attempt.
For any of you thinking the way I did about the methadone clinics, don't. These people saved my life. This medicine did what nothing could ever (including suboxone) do for me physically and mentally. I don't wake up and scream if I'm out of oxy or money, I don't - oh man, I worried 24/7 and I was a basket case big time, living hour to hour, wanting, LIVING FOR just that one drug. Oh man, I don't even think about oxy anymore, well, not in a good way (only "oh my god, I spent HOW much on it over the years?") lol I guess everyone who's ever gotten clean says that!
I don't have the time to tell you how it's changed things for me, but I want to, and I'll do that tonight after I get off work. This is our busiest night (waitressing) but I'll go into it ready, believe that! And all the tips I make are MINE... I can come home and count them with my little boy and we'll save some in our "Universal (Studio) Jar" (saving for vacation!) and I won't spend every penny of it on stupid dope! I usually came home with only change, even on weekends. And not even happier, just - you know, just normal. Unbelievable. Oh man, you gotta try this, if you haven't and are looking for something to try.
I know how addictive it is; believe that. I just, I don't have a really big problem with "having to" take a pill every day, like some folks say they do. Most people take SOMEthing every day, and in a year I'll get a month's supply at once, like any other prescription. I can definitely live with that. Look at the alternative! Now THAT's a scary thing! And that's the worst case scenario; my friend is tapering down now at his methadone clinic and is down to 35mgs... he's getting off them very slowly, smart guy. He has a great attitude and I think he's going to make it. Also suprising to me is the support I get at the clinic - wow.
Speaking of wow, I'm going to be way late; I'll write more soon. Thanks, guys, so much for all your listening and support. Priceless.
hi, iam so glad for you , it was what saved me ,i know you feel like what am i doing here but !!!!!!you are on your way to now taking your time to think about why you needed to be high it worked for me, took a few yrs. but i was free from dealers, being sick, being afraid of being sick,and i had money !!!!!!!!!just when you do come off ,do it slow,very slow, i was not sick 1 day and have been clean for yrs. god bless
I just went and read all your old posts I'm so happy to hear that your getting the help you needed. What about hubby is he still there, supporting you I hope. Is it nice finally having a little extra money in your pocket and not worrying about having enough to buy pills. I would have a 20 in my pocket and would be like hmm food or pills I better get the pills. I'm just so happy for you this is a big step and I'm proud of you. Still working at the wafflehouse? Sorry but I'm nosey. I followed your threads alot when you were posting a while ago and actually wondered about you. So many people come here then disappear but its nice when they come back and tell us they are getting help and getting clean!!! keep up the good work. Kim
Thanks for writing and following my (way sad little) story, it means a lot.
You know, I know exactly what you mean by, "Do I eat or do I score?" Only thing is, it never was really a question for me, I may've gone through all the motions of making a decision, but of course I already knew which one I'd choose. You know, I have gone from 230 pounds (when I began working as a waitress at the Waffle House) to 138 pounds - in just under a year! Well, my life was so sedentary before working; I hadn't worked in the 17 years of my (now failing) marriage; I just took care of the house and kids which, while it's a tremendous job in itself, it didn't require a lot of physical exertion on my part. The last (and only) job I'd ever had was 20 years ago, a four-year stint in the Air Force (guess why I had my seargent's stripes ripped off my shoulder? Hint: Same reason I'm on this board.) Now, I'm literally running for hours a night; I'm the only waitress most of the time, and there are 10 tables plus eight barstools - a circus! My heart rate is up for hours and I sweat like a li'l pig (not exactly a quality one wants to see in his/her waitress, I know, but I've no choice!) All that running has made a tremendous impact on my weight and it is SO surreal - sometimes I forget I'm not fat anymore and when I remember, it's - it's wonderful, believe that!
You know, I keep thinking that after I've been doing the methadone long enough to break the habits of using oxycontin (they say about a year, average) then I'll begin to detox off the methadone (ever so slowly; nearly another year to do that, I'm told, depending on the individual.) That's why I've stopped getting my dose increased; the less I'm on, the sooner I'll be done with it for good. But, as I said in my post, if I simply cannot get off those last few milligrams, it won't be the end of the world. Having a 320mg/daily oxycontin habit, now THAT was the end of the world!
You know, I haven't yet told Steve I'm doing the methadone thing. I mean, I can remember how we'd be like, watching, say, Law and Order or something, and they'd show a methadone clinic and we'd say, "Man, that's gotta be the bottom of the social barrel!" We'd chuckle as if we were just so much better than they... I know how wrong that was, but I was ignorant to the realities of addiction and so was he. Little did I know that within like two years of watching that show, oxycontin addiction had me on my knees, just praying "a place like that" would accept me. Man, that's how things change sometimes, ya know it? In my life I'm learning that "never say never" is quite possibly one of the wisest pieces of advice I've ever heard, as is "There but for the grace of God go I." You just, you know, you sometimes have to've been there yourself to judge others (and even then, I'm certain it's never the right thing to do.)
Well, what I was going to say is, Steve's opinion of the methadone clinic is not a good one, and I do dread telling him about my going. I'll wait until I feel I'm able to begin my detox off the methadone to tell him what was up. That way I'll have x number of clean drug tests under my belt, sure proof of success. And he will have noticed, for one, that I DO in fact make more than six dollars a night (lol I swear, I've told him that's all I made, so I could buy more oxy with my tips... he must think I'm the world's worst waitress!) Already, I've bought a new bed for myself (he moved into his own room several years ago and I only just now got myself a decent bed!) I've bought that, and put a PSP (whatever that is) in layaway for my 8-year-old's birthday (which is a huge thing for me - it's like $300!) And I've done little things that I'd never've done before, buying Clinique makeup instead of Dollar General two for five dollars orange foundation, things like that. I came home with a haircut one day last week and I heard him say, "Damn, you can't steal a haircut!" as though I'd been stealing to get my things! But luckily they're things that would be hard to lift; I've lost weight, yes, but not enough to get a queen sized bed under my t-shirt and run for the door...
They say "success is measured by results" and if this is true, then I'm truly turning into a success story and I couldn't be prouder of my li'l self. I hope Steve sees the changes in me, like the confidence and the self-satisfaction (oh I used to loathe myself... suicide was always there, in my thoughts.) He'll have to notice this and love it. I'm hoping we can work our marriage problems out now, as I've got a much clearer head than I've had since before my brother killed himself. The twins are 16 (girls) and another daughter is 15 and they're going through some terrible changes right now and it's hard enough to cope withOUT having my drug problems weighing us down. But our son, eight, is wonderful, and I know this family can be salvaged, I'm sure of it.
Well, I was writing here this time yesterday, as well, because I was in danger of being late for work, as I am again now! Boy, I'm a creature of habit, aren't I?
Hey, thanks so much for listening (again!) Your support, it means everything. I'll write again tomorrow. Sending my thanks, your
what do you mean by the methodone clinics have a low grade or class of peaplestanding in line!
i dont judge peaple on there class are you talking about english or american clinics? for my family personally we are working class peaple and we are deent peaple im sorry you couldnt stand in line with peaple like that like us? to be honest i come from a very wealthy family but after having a violent husband and slipping into heroin addiction my freinds are very working class weve been throuhg alot and my new partner rescued me! i have been on methodone for 5 years i have three children wonderfull children who i would do anything for! i have not relapsed one single time and a lot of the peaple who have become my freinds havent either i have lived on both sides of the tracks and let me tell you love there is good and bad in all classes and races regardless i lived it! i wonder if you will still be clean in five ? keep us posted we live in a small house and we have made it nice with alot of sheer determinatin and what we have is ours . we live in england midlands near liverpool and manchester i hope you have heard me as this language is international and cuts over all classes! methodone is supposed to be prescribed for heroin addiction i hope you understand this message and it has opened your eyes atleast halfway by the way i felt saddness when i read your message i have found a bigger problem with methodone than i ever had with heroin you may find it very hard to come off im sure your doc has it under control for you i fought mine all the way ill be finished in a month what dose are you on? hope you can send new mess im sure i must have misinterpreted your mess hope so that sort of thing is predudiced from a very proud working class woman who is staying claen and has a great life regardless of class with a wonderfull family happy and poor! who has made a great home for kids etc who get a good education good dentle good life and were happy katpurs !!!!!!!!!!
in fact i think your message is patronising i would have thought this kind of predudice wouldnt get on theese health boards its extremly patronising their should be an apollagy made by you ! im sorry about my bad spelling you are obviously from america where this class divider is much worse where you have your poor black and white peaple in ghettos and the wealthy in beverly hills from katpurs im still upset!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Katpurs, why don't you calm down a bit? If you'd have read her post more carefully, you'd have seen that she was explaining that she was misguided in her former thinking and now understands that addiction (and those who benefit from methodone clinics) crosses all economic, racial, religious, professional (etc) barriers. Take a deep breath and ease off on the attack, ok? It's not merited nor does it further the discussion. I, for one, am happy she's found something that has helped her.
you just didnt think about what she said, re ,read the bit about standing in line with the lower classes and i can read thankyou , i can interpret quit well for myself thankyou.
have you actually realized that she wasnt appologizing for her outlook she was just glad that she had stomached this for her own gain, im sure she can state her own case in this ?
ps do you have some experience or have gone through any thing to do with this subject im sure your cut on this issue would be more interesting than fighting with me ps thats it from me on this subject i mean just this debait but ill look out for your story nice to disscuss with you sorry about my strong view if it offends you katpurs
i dont think you were reading the right mess it is the first one on the first page not the secound one that was a well put together life changing chapter in their life and they understood the class barrier do you want to go through it together!
im also sorry that you consider my view to be bad post
tonnie i didnt realize you wrote both articles i appollagize your first article did sound patronizing but you put it straight in your secound paragraph im sure you didnt mean it to sound so patronizing perhaps you should edit it youself before posting im sorry once again and im glad your'e happy with your little boy there great children they make us make the most important decsisions in the world and we have to hang in there for them dont we! sorry love katpurs
i was on methadone twice...in 1984 i was in a clinic setting...i learned more there about various other drugs and dealing was going on in the parking lot outside everyday...swapping take homes for other dope,ect...i was on 32mg and detoxed 2mg a day till i was off...i was in the program for 7 months...i didnt sleep for 12 days(looked up guiness records to see if i broke it)......it was terrible experience...swore i never do methadone again.....in 2002 i was on it for chronic pain..went up from 20mg to 120mg...detoxed 5 mg a week after two years on it....got down to 20mg(my doc wrote a script every two weeks for 10mg pills)...when i finally stopped it was same thing...30 days of insanity before my body expunged it.....i was on subutex/suboxone...i was a/am opiate addict...i could take 50 lortabs on a good day just to be norm.......all of these drugs are just maintance drugs....the best high ive got now is a higher power...i said the heck to this insanity and have back problems but my doc takes care of me...he is a recovering addict also...we come in all shapes,sizes,ages,races.....i thankfully had a spiritual intervention....methadone wiped out my teeth(just spent 6 grand on new ones,instead of dope)..opiates wiped me out financially...i am humble now...i have no materialistic things...it wiped out my marriage...thank god i still see my 11 and 14 year old girls....my 14 year old has started to experiment with pot/opiates/adderall....it hurts to the heart to see my kid doing the same thing i did ...im now 46.....the better you are on a low dose,do it....i read where you were snortin oxys...i used to take 300mg when i could get my hands on it...no more for me....you have to get rid of the lifestyle and be sober to enjoy life...if you have a child,it is more important than ever to have a level head....when its time for you to feel like you want to wean and get off,do it very slowly....the w/d's are there...you cannot avoid them..its part of the recovery...if you can deal with now,start goin down on your dose....whatever chance you can get,dont take it more than you need...i know...ive been there...i have a resume 32 years long on using drugs....methadone w/ds's are nothin to kid about....it took me a solid month and half to retrieve thought process of a normal earth person....keep in mind if you are using opiates for addiction related diagnosis,less is better...your life is important to your family and your kids....god bless...chef
i respect you very much,i also have 30 yrs. of drugs, was on meth 2 times , when i detox i was not sick at all, once in jail ,once in the street. honestly i was never sick!!it saved my life,i would be dead or back in jail, we are all not the same,i know many people who got off fine,,,,but it did kill my teeth, i have to get what is left out AND GET NEW ones, that iam more afraid of then anything. god bless
Just let me say that I hope what one person apparently misunderstood did not take away from the message of my post. I was just saying how the methadone clinic has saved my life, that's all.
I know that Katpurs has only been a member for a month, and may not be aware of the supportive atmosphere we enjoy here. I would've never said that anyone at the methadone clinic was low class, and I think anyone who's ever read a single post from me would readily agree with that. The last thing in the world I could ever be accused of is looking down on anyone; au contraire - folks here know an opinion I've had of myself lately, and, well you couldn't have chosen worse on who you have decided is a snob of some sort.
This is so disappointing. I thought folks would want to hear what it was like there, getting in, what it felt like - we do that here, we share experiences. It's way helpful when or if we decide to do these things ourselves, to know what goes on. I like reading account of what various treatment methods were like; the folks here have really helped me understand the different types of rehab, both in-patient and out. I'd planned on telling just what a visit is like. Some of the folks reading these posts are HURTING. And I was telling of one way I knew of not to hurt. It just, it worked for me, that's all. Please, please don't ruin that by turning this into a war on words; those who know me seem to have understood mine quite well.
Thanks, guys, as always, for your amazing support. I'll write more tomorrow (if, you know, anyone wants to hear about it - some of the things about it really surprised me... I'll put it in a post tomorrow, those of you who want can read it, I guess.) Just. . . options are always good to have. Thanks again,
This is a quote from the very next line of that post:
Little did I know that within like two years of watching that show, oxycontin addiction had me on my knees, just praying "a place like that" would accept me. Man, that's how things change sometimes, ya know it? In my life I'm learning that "never say never" is quite possibly one of the wisest pieces of advice I've ever heard, as is "There but for the grace of God go I." You just, you know, you sometimes have to've been there yourself to judge others (and even then, I'm certain it's never the right thing to do.)
How could you misread my meaning? That doesn't say I think those who go to a clinic are low class, not even close! You don't even make sense, really, and perhaps you should save this space for those who have an interest in discussing things, not overreacting to words never even written. Unbelievable.
Dont let that bother you. Just focus on your recovery and what you need to do. I enjoyed reading your thread but I have also taken the time to read your old posts and find out about you and what you were going through. I was very excited to see you back here and your doing sooo good. People often just disappear but when they come back with a success story and advice its great. Many people might be put off by the methadone clinic cause they think its a long process and takes days you proved that to be wrong. Keep up the good work and keep your chin up. Kim