What kind of response would u expect?
bf f 18 years (said that he wanted me and him to work but I needed to get off the pills) REmind you he is the one that told me if I don't START drinking he was going to leave and would run up about 150.00 bar tab, and I would have a sitter on Fridays (my mom) and we would make plans but he did not show, he is hte one that I had to bail out of jail etc and pay fee's. If it wasn't for him I feel I would really be in a different situation in my life, but then I feel like god has given me this direction for some reason (no I am not THAT religous).That is what I told U told you about 2 months ago, I want off them, ([B]pain pills)[/B]I have asked several times and told u that I need help I can't do it living under this roof! You have no idea what I go through and you have no idea what this addiction is like! I totally wish I was never introduced to it and I sure in the hell didn't ask for it! I asked for your help when I got home from the hospital ( I took the anti-drug/alcohol abuse to soone) and honestly you just kept me around it, by going to charity events and stuff. I wasn't ready for that stuff, and if I didn't go you would give me crap. I am sure you have time on your hands so go to this website and just read what people go through, [url]http://www.[ REMOVED ][/url] If it doesn't have a line under it copy and paste it. or just type it in on the website address bar) none of them are me just so you know. Allot of times I just read that stuff so I know someone else understands my life and I am not the only one, cause I have no one to talk to about it. It really killed me last mothers day you knew what I was going through and I was worn out and all u did was clean ur truck out.I had to cook the kids dinner and everything, that hurt really bad cause we did have money. (usually we are broke and I understand,but we had money he could have done something special)And so you know I did buy you something last fathers day, you just don't remember and I don't remember what I got ya. I have issue's like I said I have always told you, and to be honest I told you the truth about being back on them several times but you was so drunk u didn't remember I guess. I really want to quit drinking first then the pills and smoking. I honestly feel smoking right now is NOT GOOD. I feel this because I can smoke ultra lights and they feel like marloboros. But I want it all done, I am tired of spending money on this crap and feeling bad every day. I also warn you that when I DIDN'T DRINK I rode u all the time to show me attention to take me to the movies and not spend time at the bars, so you really need to makes sure u are willing to understand me not doing this stuff is going to affect u/us. I tried talking to you one day on the phone about what bothers me and u stopping at the bar and being drunk by the time I got home I mentioned and I did it nicely, but firm and u still did it. Everytime u get a phone call U RUN INTO THE OTHER ROOM OUR TO THE GARAGE or you talk really low. So I really honestly can say I believe you have and been messing around on me like last night you did something wrong. I don't get how men think they can stay out all night and I go to wal-mart or where ever I go and I am in the dog house, that is called guilty conscious. I just have to say I am SICK AND TIRED OF DREADING TO COME HOME EVERY DAY! I want to do what is best for these kids and I see where we BOTH have failed and could improve, but I really am stressed, BF u don't understand what it is like for 16 years to work, cook, clean worry about paying the bills and actually having to pay them and grocery and well the list goes on, so the nature of needing something to help me goes on! Anyhow I am tired of typing. All I really ask is for you to be a partner and work with. U don't need to call me and ask me to pick up Mackenzie YOU SHOULD PICK HER UP IF U GET OFF or if u r home! (he calls me to ask if he should pick up his daughter that is 2 blocks away and he has been home 2 hours or all day?) Yes it is his kid) I swear I drive 80 mph to get there before 5:30. U should take ur daughter, son, daughter to special things if u r home they shouldn't have to do something or act nice for u to do it. It is how they stay out of trouble. If you work with these kids they really are pretty good kids, and I don't just say that everyone tells me how good they are and how they don't have any problems out of them. I honestly will tell u #1 kid is really upset and has stressed to me that the last fight u 2 had she said will take allot of showing not just talking. I can really relate and I feel the same u have told me many times that u wanted it to work, but if u want it to work for the kids, well we won't work. It has to be about us. And I really don't know what to think about last night, my mind was u said we are done so I don't care, but now you want it to work, so where was u what was u doing? I don't know and I really don't like kissing or talking to u when u stay gone all night, cause I have no idea where u was??????????? I changeda few things but I only changed names and added few things so u know what I am talking about. This message is something I sent him and I never got a reply or a discussion aobut it. I really want to quit, but living in this house and him yelling at the kids and on his drunk night (every other night) I get no rest cause I do everything wrong and he does not help me , I still have to go on with every day life. I want so bad to straighten up and move on with my life. HOW DO I DO IT?????????????? I REALLY NEED ADVICE, WITH MONEY RELATIONSHIP, PILLS ETC.
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