LightSensitive5

I have written a few times on here giving people advise on staying clean and hepling themselves. If you didnt read the first thread I wrote, I am a recovering cocaine addict who had been clean for a year and three months. Four nights ago that all changed. I relapsed. I am completely ashamed of it and the only person that knows is my brother. I worked so hard to stay clean and to make my life better but one night changed it all. But it helped me remember why I quit and how horrible it feels coming down and how I messed up my entire weekend. I was a zombie and I had to tell everyone, including my folks, that I got food poisoning. How else would I explain being in bed all day, not talking, and throwing up. I feel horribe but I just wanted to let everyone know that fighting addiction is an everyday battle. It is hard and the process is never ending. For me, everyone in my life thinks that I am completely recovered and "cured". Whatever that means. The only person who knows better is my brother. I am so thankful for him but it is hard to put all of that on his head. Make sure that as you progress in your recovery that you continue to remind those around you that you are still a drug addict even though you do not use. I am not saying have them walk on eggshells around you but when thinks are looking up and you are getting better don't let them or yourself forget that you are still recoverying. I am proud of the fact that I stayed sober for over a year without rehab but it is not a realistic goal. I have my counselor that specializes in drug abuse but she just had a baby so I haven't seen her for almost two months. She is back again next week and I am the first person she is seeing. I am ashamed of what I have done but this is the only place where I can be honest and not fell judged. Thank you all for that.