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Old 10-24-2006, 10:13 AM   #1
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zosolizard HB User
Feeling alone, things are really rough these past few days

Even if nobody responds, it will feel good to just get these things out.

I'm feeling so alone these past few days. I feel like I have no one to talk to, like nobody understands, and nobody cares. I feel like I don't hear from my friends or family as much. I guess I've kind of alienated everyone over the past year of my addiction without realizing it.

The whole reason I ended up on xanax was due to heart arrythmia & chest pains. The arrythimias show up on tests, but they cannot find a cause. I have them every day & its scary as h*ll. The xanax helped to calm me down.

I stepped down on my Xanax dose yesterday, and it was a rough day.

That racing, anxious feeling that comes with Xanax wd doesn't help at all. So it's been pretty tough.

I'm still working with doctors to look at my heart; it's such a long process. Most doctors just blow me off cuz I'm a woman. But HELLO - I'm 40, I smoked for 25 years, I've got a history of abuse, and family history of heart disease. But since I'm thin & LOOK young & healthy... they blow me off.

It would be really easy to just take some Xanax to calm me down about it all. Being stressed out & scared isn't good for the heart. But being an addict isn't either.

I've got a long road ahead of me. I've got about 4-5 weeks to taper still.. based on what a doctor recommended.

I'm dizzy, cranky, delirious, in pain, sick, and scared. This stinks. But I know that the reward of being drug free is going to be really great once I get there.

Thanks for listening.....

 
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Old 10-24-2006, 10:48 AM   #2
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peace1910 HB User
Re: Feeling alone, things are really rough these past few days

i used to have all sorts of heart symptoms also and they were accompanied by panic atacks and they put me on xanax....i worked..so well that i got hooked on xanax...but that was a long time ago..

you can get over the heart palps....i used to have them alot too and now they are almost non-existant...hope this gives you a reason to hope...sometimes that is all that gets us through some very tough times.

blessings to you...............peace

 
Old 10-24-2006, 11:00 AM   #3
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bkim HB User
Re: Feeling alone, things are really rough these past few days

Hey there. It does totally suck no doubt about it. People who have not suffered through an addiction will have trouble understanding you. During the first month after stopping the pills I was glad that I went to na, this board, and my intensive outpatient program. Only people in those groups could understand what I was going through. I wouldnt expect my friends or family to totally understand. They did support me though.
Also, the real me was gone for a good amount of time. I did take myself away from family, friends, and all the things that I enjoyed. Things will get better. Hang in there and try not to get so down on yourself.
After a couple of months of having the drugs out of your system, you will start enjoying true life again.

 
Old 10-24-2006, 11:21 AM   #4
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Neverforget HB User
Re: Feeling alone, things are really rough these past few days

Hey Zoso -

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time and I definitely understand feeling alone. It's like I've said before, when you're going through the withdrawals/taper it's like you are viewing the world through dark lenses. Everything seems sadder, more emotional, darker. I'm convinced that the drugs are the reason for that in the first place. It's one of the reasons I quit. I noticed if I went too long without one of my pills I started getting depressed. The longer I waited, the more anxious/depressed I got. The thing is, as the drug is leaving your body it seems like you will never feel "normal" again. Please listen to everyone on this list -- it gets better!! The fog lifts and the clouds part, a ray of sunshine comes beaming through and then Salvation Baby!! Well, ok, maybe it's not quite as dramatic as that, but you get the idea. Gradually, you will feel better and less depressed and alone. And remember - when you're typing those words of loneliness, we're all sitting here nodding our heads, understanding, relating -- and you're not alone. We are all here. We all care. And we all want you to beat this.

 
Old 10-25-2006, 03:31 PM   #5
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zosolizard HB User
Re: Feeling alone, things are really rough these past few days

You know.. you guys rock. Have I said that enough times yet ?

I'm doing better today - it's day 3 at my "new" lower dose. And I'm hanging in there.

Just wanted to say "thanks" for the support & replies. It helps so much. I hope that I'll be able to help someone in the future like you guys are helping me.

OK, time for dinner! Take care & have a good night!

 
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