Even if nobody responds, it will feel good to just get these things out.
I'm feeling so alone these past few days. I feel like I have no one to talk to, like nobody understands, and nobody cares. I feel like I don't hear from my friends or family as much. I guess I've kind of alienated everyone over the past year of my addiction without realizing it.
The whole reason I ended up on xanax was due to heart arrythmia & chest pains. The arrythimias show up on tests, but they cannot find a cause. I have them every day & its scary as h*ll. The xanax helped to calm me down.
I stepped down on my Xanax dose yesterday, and it was a rough day.
That racing, anxious feeling that comes with Xanax wd doesn't help at all. So it's been pretty tough.
I'm still working with doctors to look at my heart; it's such a long process. Most doctors just blow me off cuz I'm a woman. But HELLO - I'm 40, I smoked for 25 years, I've got a history of abuse, and family history of heart disease. But since I'm thin & LOOK young & healthy... they blow me off.
It would be really easy to just take some Xanax to calm me down about it all. Being stressed out & scared isn't good for the heart. But being an addict isn't either.
I've got a long road ahead of me. I've got about 4-5 weeks to taper still.. based on what a doctor recommended.
I'm dizzy, cranky, delirious, in pain, sick, and scared. This stinks. But I know that the reward of being drug free is going to be really great once I get there.
Thanks for listening.....