Re: Addictive personality
WTG on searching for answers. I was like you maybe ...5 or so years ago. I was able to drink everynight, still go to work and function fine. It's different for everyone but from what I have read, it usually progresses. It has for me. I started drinking to blackout many many times. I got a DUI and had to do outpatient treatment as ordered by the terms of my "Diversion" agreement w/the state. This still didn't stop me. I started drinking at home more and more. What a pathetic life. In Feb of 05 I got sick of myself ... I went to a therapist and got help cutting down. I agreed to quit for a year and then try moderation. I did it...quit for a whole year!! It was great...my self esteem was higher than ever before. I was healthier physically and setting goals and achieving them. Then comes March of this year...my year was up and I was determined to try moderation. I did really well for 2.5 months and then it went all to hell. From about July till now I've been back to where I was, but worse. I never believed that crap that your "disease progesses even when not using" but now I'm not so sure. I have been worse lately in many ways. I added another level to my addiction, taking ultram. Currently I am not drinking (3 weeks today minus a 1 day slip) and am tapering on the ultram. I am down to 2-3 50 mg ultram a day. I also take Lexapro and the ultram boosts seratonin so I have to be careful about going off it too fast because I don't want to get (more) depressed. I also got some xanax for the anxiety from coming off the booze and ultram. I feel like I am playing w/fire, but I do feel like alcohol is my primary problem drug. I need to get off that first.
Can you take a few days off drinking, just to try and see how it feels? Maybe this week try 1 day off, then next week 2 days...and so on. Build up some confidence. Life IS better without it in SO many ways!