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Old 10-27-2006, 09:18 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Medgrl1 HB User
Addictive personality

So, I'm pretty sure I have an addictive personality. I used to smoke pot like everyday heavily, then I quit that and started in on alcohol. I didn't think it was a big deal until now. The thought of myself as an addict is very scary....I want to say I've drank basically everyday after work and the weekends too. My parent's and my sister don't drink at all. Where did I come from then. There is a history of depression in my family and both my parents are on Lexapro and I am as well on it. You'd think I'd shy away from it being on anti-d's and stuff. Anyways, I will even drink by myself after work and play with my dog. I still wake up for work everyday, I feel fine actually everyday. It's not like it's interfering with my daily tasks, I don't even get hung over, but deep down I feel bad about it. Any comments?

 
Old 10-27-2006, 09:31 AM   #2
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MsMinn HB User
Re: Addictive personality

Hey Medgirl,
WTG on searching for answers. I was like you maybe ...5 or so years ago. I was able to drink everynight, still go to work and function fine. It's different for everyone but from what I have read, it usually progresses. It has for me. I started drinking to blackout many many times. I got a DUI and had to do outpatient treatment as ordered by the terms of my "Diversion" agreement w/the state. This still didn't stop me. I started drinking at home more and more. What a pathetic life. In Feb of 05 I got sick of myself ... I went to a therapist and got help cutting down. I agreed to quit for a year and then try moderation. I did it...quit for a whole year!! It was great...my self esteem was higher than ever before. I was healthier physically and setting goals and achieving them. Then comes March of this year...my year was up and I was determined to try moderation. I did really well for 2.5 months and then it went all to hell. From about July till now I've been back to where I was, but worse. I never believed that crap that your "disease progesses even when not using" but now I'm not so sure. I have been worse lately in many ways. I added another level to my addiction, taking ultram. Currently I am not drinking (3 weeks today minus a 1 day slip) and am tapering on the ultram. I am down to 2-3 50 mg ultram a day. I also take Lexapro and the ultram boosts seratonin so I have to be careful about going off it too fast because I don't want to get (more) depressed. I also got some xanax for the anxiety from coming off the booze and ultram. I feel like I am playing w/fire, but I do feel like alcohol is my primary problem drug. I need to get off that first.
Can you take a few days off drinking, just to try and see how it feels? Maybe this week try 1 day off, then next week 2 days...and so on. Build up some confidence. Life IS better without it in SO many ways!
Minn

 
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Old 10-27-2006, 12:59 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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mpvt HB User
Re: Addictive personality

It's great that your 3 weeks sober but be careful with the ultram as it's addictive and can cause seizures if you take to many.Hang in there both of you.......Dave

 
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