Help, my dad is doing crack! - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

erpeer · 01-11-2007, 09:46 PM

Hi, I am new to the boards but could really use some good advice. I will try not to make this too long. My dad divorced my mom almost 4 years ago. They had been having problems for years so really not a huge shock. Anyway, he got his own apt. a few minutes away from me. I'm 32, have a husband and 2 little boys. He then starts hanging around with this really nasty looking girl that was around my age. My dad was 56 at the time. His entire personality changed once he was divorced and turns out he come over one day and admitted to me he got sucked into using crack. He would go out partying with some people he worked with and it was a good escape for him at the time (to numb his pain from his horrible marriage). He then goes on the tell me he went through rehab and is clean now and will never do it again. He said he was never addicted to it like most people and it was easier to quit than cigarettes. He just felt I should know since he thought I sort of suspected something anyway. I was shocked because he is so not the type. I also told him he needs to stay away from the nasty girlfriend that got him hooked and I can try to forgive him and move on. Things seem to be going great for him. Fast forward 3 years later. He had met a wonderful woman, they moved in together and everything seemed perfect. Of course not. He called me yesterday and asked me if he could come and stay with me for a while. Of course I start freaking out asking him why and what happened. He starts crying and tells me he *ucked up and his girlfriend threw him out. Apparently he started using again and stole some items from her home to sell at the pawn shop to get money to buy his crack. She found out and was livid. I had told his last time if he did it again, or started to see his ex that got him involved in the first place I was done. I was not going to deal with it. Well here we are again. I told him I didn't even know what to say to him. How could he screw everything up so bad again? He just cried. Then he says never mind, I will figure something out and hangs up. My husband and I talk and then my husband calls him back. My husband tells him he needs to get himself into the rehab program yesterday. My dad then goes on to say he isn't using right now. It was a couple months ago and he is clean now. Why can't I believe that... Again my husband tells him we care about him but he needs help that we can't give him right now. If he is stealing from the woman he loves to buy drugs, he's got a problem. My dad sort of sarcastically thanks him for his concern and hangs up. Today I get another voicemail message from my dad practically begging to come and stay with us. He has no where else to go. Did I mention he is also out a job and broke? I haven't called him back because I honestly don't know what to do. My heart is breaking but I don't want to enable him to keep doing the drugs. Please give me some advice. Is it possible he isn't using right now or is it just the addict in him trying to get what he wants? My husband doesn't really want him here because he is afraid he might steal from us and he doesn't want our kids exposed to this crap. I don't know what to do?

kadee · 01-11-2007, 10:12 PM

Hi erpeer,
Wow, that's tough being your dad and all, but I think you are on the right trail with your boundaries and protection of the children. Don't let him back you up into his corner, it's dark, bleak and dismal. You are on the right road for this one. Believe it.

Hopefully a new-change-plan could be brought about to your dad's self-induced and selfish state. Yes it is hard to trust when anyone is using, dad's included, If the the guilties follow you around, if they come to haunt you. Push them away. You are going the right thing for your dad by saying no.

Personally, I would suggest a 'trilogy' of events, detox, recovery house, then a treatment center. That's how it works where I live, I don't know about the process where you live. He will have a roof over his head he will have meals, meetings are mandatory,and from that, he will learn how to live again - clean-, that might trigger him to get a job - apartment to follow.

Pray for yourself to be strong during this,Your dad has a tough road ahead of him if he keeps fighting the addiction. Do what you need to do for your family to be happy, read some previous posts on what happens to addicts who are living with their loved ones. Ask your husband to read them with you. Not a pretty family photograph to frame on the shelf!

Could be he is clean.. could be he is using...could be he is clean right now... waiting and planning for the right time/next-time to get loaded...Chances are very marginal that he will remain clean without some sort of a support group. Things will go pretty smooth if he is willing to go to the above suggestions. Is he willing to try?

T/C
kadee

kiam0675 · 01-11-2007, 10:28 PM

I personally think he is lying. If he was clean he would have talked his way back into the womans place. You dont want to have to lock up your purse and all your valuables locked up. Its a horrible thing. Recommend the salvation army if he is truley homeless get the # for him and tell him when he is clean for at least 6mos you might talk to him about staying with you. The salvation army is free and has a great program for addicts. Trust me addicts are resourceful. He needs to really hit his bottom b4 he stops. Obviously he hasnt I think he is lying and trying to guilt you into staying with you. Stick to your boundries dont take a front row seat to the drama. You have a family to thing about. Just get #'s for shelters and rehab and next time he calls give him those #'s and the terms of which or if ever he can come stay with you. Like I said salvation army will put him up and put him in a program and give him a job great program and FREE! Wish you luck and make sure you say what you mean and do what you say. Set up boundries.

kadee · 01-11-2007, 11:18 PM

There ya go, the salvation army. Excellent kiam0675, good place to start. Get the numbers ready for him erpeer. Don't let him cross the line. Stay strong.