freakychickyg

I grew up around people who smoked weed for health purposes and social purposes. I never thought of it as a drug of evil even though some decided to name it "the gateway drug" I never did any other drugs habitualy. I felt comfortable Buying it, smoking it, it made me feel relaxed. I loved it. The fact its illegal didnt scare me. No matter what my loved ones said i didnt stop if anything the more they bugged me about it the more i smoked. I woke up one morning my last bowl packed in the bong the night before so i could have a wake and bake. still half asleep i dropped it and the bowl spilled and there i was picking it off the carpet like a tweeker who just spilt his line or an alcoholic who just dropped her last dollar in change for a drink. i didnt think twice about it. i picked it up and packed it. and as i felt the carpet fibers sting my lungs i suddenly realized my actions and how much control i had lost. Maybe the weed i was smoking wasnt bad but the carpet hairs it was letting me smoke without issue was. It wasnt the first time weed had been the culprite for actions i wouldnt have done sober but untill then i was able to put those memories out of my head which was easy to to with a dwindling memory. How the week before I was stoned and got called in for an interview for a job i had been trying to get for 5 years already dressed in nice clothes i grabbed my stuff and left. i didnt get the job, at first i though it was because they found someone else with experiance then as i walked to the mirror 20 minutes after i finished that last bowl of the very same weed i had been smoking that day of the interview, i looked at my eyes and they were bloodshot red and glazed over. i didnt even realize they were that bad, they didnt feel irritated maybe a little watery. I had grown acustomed to red eye and cotton mouth so i rarley noticed anymore. then to finish me off with a final blow i decided to go back to school after taking a semester or so off, since the job didnt work out and found out i had recieved my degree the last semester i had attended and i had missed my own graduation. never going to highschool college would be the only graduation ceremony i would ever have and i had missed it. I had no Idea and the first thing i thoughwas damn where had i been when this happened and could only draw a blank and all i could think was were ever i was i was stoned. That very same attitude of adapting was keeping me from seeing the short cuts and draw backs i had been really suffering. I had no extra money to buy nicer things, didnt get the job i busted my *** to get an interview for, missed my college graduation,my memory was turning selective, and was starting to think carpet threads were a nessasary casaulty. I needed to get control back the realization of these things i blocked out of my mind rushed at me so fast all i was filled with was a paralizing fear. I no longer had control over my life and hadnt even realized it, behold the power of weed in all it medicinal glory. It had given me so much and i enjoyed it so much that i hadnt even realized the price i was paying emotionally and physically. I have always had a rebelious streak no one could tell me to do somethting unless i wanted to. at that moment i made up my mind that i no longer needed weed and at this point in my life it was doing me more harm then good. that was the fact of it, it was doing me more harm then good. yes it helps some people medically but i for one had no perscription and neither did the people i had been smoking with. Detirmined i had to amost beat myself to the punch i though what do i have to do to quit. all i could think was get rid of it. so i sold my bong my pipes told my friends i was going to be busy for a couple weeks and took a vacation from them. i knew i couldnt be around them right now or i would smoke. the first week was actually a breeze the the next week it hit me the craving for a bowl. I had just had a fight with my mom and was wishin for a joint like the kid on christmas story wanted that beebee gun. i sat on my bed quiet only thinking weed weed weed who i could buy some from, what i could smoke out of. then i heard a light tap on my door it was my mom she didnt even attempt to open the locked door respecting my privacy and said softly dinners done. here was a woman i had just fought with tooth and nail with not having any idea i was having withdrawls while cooking dinner i was going to eat and i didnt think twice about venting on her the worst part was from the point i went in my room and thought about weed to the point she knocked i hadnt given the argument a second thought weed had been the only thing on my mind. how hurtful,selfish, disrespectful, and ungratful i had acted all cuz i couldnt get weed out of my head it made my mind stand still in awe of the power it had over me. and frankly it ****ed me right the **** off. Weed had taken enough from me it wouldnt take my dignity with it so i stayed sober. and so ive been for the last 10 months a thought about it a couple times since but you know i like remembering where i put my car keys, not having to eat every 2 hours, having enough energy to get enough things done i didnt feel like i was walkin in place anymore i felt i was actually moving forward, my bond with my family became stronger as the little moments i shared with them stayed in my memory longer, my wit sharpened, and my friends accepted it without blinking. I had been worried what my friends would do expectially the few who sold or smoked alot of weed when i decided i couldnt associate with them anymore and keep up my good results. turns out it all worked itself out some stopped talking to me when they realized i wasnt gong to give them anymore of my money for weed, some stopped hanging out with me when they realized i wasnt going to pack them bowl after bowl, and the few friends ive had since childhood stood beside me a supported me. i learned alot that wasnt easy for meto face when i made that stupid decision to quit but i did and you know what it was the best smartest stupid decision i ever made.
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*Regina*