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Old 01-19-2007, 09:42 AM   #1
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nofuninsuds HB User
Unhappy I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Good morning everyone...

I'm very sorry to say that yesterday I relapsed and drank over a case (12-pack) of beer, ate and then went to bed. This morning, I woke up and throughout the morning I have experienced the following...

Shaky, weird and scary muscle twitches, tingly in various places, head feels like it's swimming in oil, vertigo, temp of 99.2, anxiety, multiple panic attacks, unsteady on my feet, light-headed, strange "pressure" in head (like sinus pressure or something), "out-of-it" spacey feeling, brain feels like it's in a fog, buggy-eyed, etc.

I took an Ativan and an Atenolol a little while ago but they seem to be having very little (if any) effect. I soooo much wish I had not drank those beers yesterday. I really do feel just horrible.

I tend to get very drunk and then the resulting hangover keeps me sober for days (until I start drinking all over again). Rinse and repeat. I've tried Campral with limited success and even though I was able to completely quit for a year and a half after taking Naltrexone, my doctor refuses to prescribe it because she say's "I'm not familiar with that particular drug and I don't like prescribing a drug I'm not familiar with. The thing is, I am on "poor people's insurance" and so she is the only doctor in my area who I can see.

I've tired online support groups and it helps some but just "talking" to other people (wether online or at an AA meeting, doesn't really do anything for the cravings or all the other things that lead me back to drinking again. I feel hopeless, depressed and scared.

I don't know what else to say. I just need a friend (or several) to talk to right now. Thanks for letting me share and I hope that most of you are having better luck than me quitting.

- Regards, NFIS

 
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Old 01-19-2007, 09:48 AM   #2
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mollie68 HB User
Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nofuninsuds View Post
Good morning everyone...

I'm very sorry to say that yesterday I relapsed and drank over a case (12-pack) of beer, ate and then went to bed. This morning, I woke up and throughout the morning I have experienced the following...

Shaky, weird and scary muscle twitches, tingly in various places, head feels like it's swimming in oil, vertigo, temp of 99.2, anxiety, multiple panic attacks, unsteady on my feet, light-headed, strange "pressure" in head (like sinus pressure or something), "out-of-it" spacey feeling, brain feels like it's in a fog, buggy-eyed, etc.

I took an Ativan and an Atenolol a little while ago but they seem to be having very little (if any) effect. I soooo much wish I had not drank those beers yesterday. I really do feel just horrible.

I tend to get very drunk and then the resulting hangover keeps me sober for days (until I start drinking all over again). Rinse and repeat. I've tried Campral with limited success and even though I was able to completely quit for a year and a half after taking Naltrexone, my doctor refuses to prescribe it because she say's "I'm not familiar with that particular drug and I don't like prescribing a drug I'm not familiar with. The thing is, I am on "poor people's insurance" and so she is the only doctor in my area who I can see.

I've tired online support groups and it helps some but just "talking" to other people (wether online or at an AA meeting, doesn't really do anything for the cravings or all the other things that lead me back to drinking again. I feel hopeless, depressed and scared.

I don't know what else to say. I just need a friend (or several) to talk to right now. Thanks for letting me share and I hope that most of you are having better luck than me quitting.

- Regards, NFIS

 
Old 01-19-2007, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

get your phone book out and look up the AA number. someone will be able to talk with you over the phone.
hope this helps. remember,today is a new day. i am sure you are beating yourself up right now. pick yourself up by the boot straps and start over. i will be online for a bit.
hope this helps.

 
Old 01-19-2007, 10:08 AM   #4
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Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Thank you for the support and great advice. It really means a lot to me to be here amongst others. I am feeling so lonely and depressed. It is so sad to me that I relapsed. It feels so good to be sober but my mind always tricks me into thinking that I will feel "even better" if I drink. I hate the lies this disease tells us and how it keeps sucking us in like some sort of black hole.

Right now my brain feels like it was zapped by a stun gun or something. I don't have a headache but I have a lot of pressure up there (similar to sinus pressure I guess) and that is the main symptom that is scaring me and making me feel very weird. I think maybe they call this "heavy head" or "balloon head" but I'm not sure. Does anyone else here get the same symptoms I mentioned a day or two after drinking and how long do they usually last (hopefully not long)?.

Again, thank you!, NFIS

 
Old 01-19-2007, 10:08 AM   #5
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Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Hi NFIS
Yes, it's sad that your physical body is in so much trauma right now. The good thing is that you get another chance to clear up your inmune system today.I know about the rinse and repeat syndrome, it's part of the disease of addiction, tricking your body, as soon as you start to fell better, you go out and do the damage all over again.

When you go to AA, do you stop and meet other people and share what is going on for you? Or do you leave the meeting in a hasty retreat? I found when I started to hook in with others and shared my fears, it helped me. It made the fear appear very small and pale in comparison with what I truly wanted, and that is, to-day to-day, remain clean and sober. If shyness stops you from meeting people, that's where your sponsor steps in. He/she will suggest what area of your life needs work with the steps. I know after completing my step I was feeling depressed, re-reading the unmangeability I had caused in my life. When I started to do the wriitten questions in the workbook on Step 2, I stated to feel a whole lot better, knowing there was hope to come for me, I started to beleive and the cravings turned into an unwanted thought and it was easy for me to push them away. I started to build up on my faith to remain clean and sober, and that helped me. I hope that helps you too.

t/c
kadee

 
Old 01-19-2007, 10:23 AM   #6
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Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

I think that is a great idea that you pick up the phone and have someone from AA talk to you on the phone. Since your not a canidate to go to the meetings this is a great idea for you. A Phone buddy would be great right now. Your weird feelings are from a hang over my friend. its the same old side effects you get each and every time, and you know it will pass. I think beer is poisionous for you and your body just CAN'T tolerate the booze anymore.

anyhow good luck with the AA person helping you on the phone.

SS

 
Old 01-19-2007, 02:36 PM   #7
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amithyst HB User
Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

The only encouragement I can give you is this:
There are 2 options available...

1. move FORWARD and progress
or
2. go downhill

Both are self-explanatory. Life is HARD. Staying clean & sober is HARDER. We are all here for you, pulling for you!

God Bless You..

 
Old 01-19-2007, 04:31 PM   #8
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Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Hello

While I don't have a drinking problem, I am coming off opiates and sure understand how the mind tricks us. That is what helps me stick to my taper... I KNOW now that the mind tricks us by causing cravings in our bodies.

If you have learned that, then you need to reinforce that knowledge in your brain both subconsciously and consciously. One suggestion I offer is that you print your first post from this very thread and hang it in a place where you will see it everyday. Like learning to read in school.... by rote. Read it aloud everyday whether you are feeling tempted or not. Eventually, it will become an automatic thought when you are tempted. The thought to drink should trigger the reasons why you AREN'T going to give in to the thought.

It is a tough battle. One, however, that can be won. All of what we learn best in life is learned by practicing over and over again. Knowledge and behavior. Recognize the truth in your own words that at times the mind tries to trick us. Learn it. Memorize it. Practice it.

Pulling for you

reach

 
Old 01-20-2007, 01:56 AM   #9
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rosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB User
Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

AA. It is the easier softer way. God WILL remove your craving for alcohol if you let go completely. And you will receive a whole new life by working the 12steps. You are not unique. There are millions who have gone through what you are experiencing now; no need to reinvent the wheel or try to find some magic answer. This has been my experience. The people at meetings are like me; they understand how my mind works. AA is more than meetings though, it takes grace plus work. The steps are simple if we don't complicae them. I hope you go back and give AA another chance.

 
Old 01-20-2007, 02:15 PM   #10
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nofuninsuds HB User
Re: I feel horrible right now - need encouragment please!!

Thank you all for the wonderful and encouraging replies!.

I am on my second day sober and although I don't feel quite as badly as I did yesterday, I have had a mild (but pesky) left-sided headache all day and I feel really "bugged out", spacey and foggy-headed. I can also feeling the withdrawal symptoms starting to creep up on me again (very mild cravings, hot flashes, an unwell feeling, anxiety and the feeling like my body just "wants" or "needs" something).

I hope I can last until day 4 or 5 because that's usually when I begin to feel normal again. I am back on the Campral also.

- Thanks again everyone for your support! - NFIS

 
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