I have been searching for help for my 28 yr old son for addiction to opiates, pain killers and black tar herion. Problem is no insurance. He is currently in hospital on three day hold. He threatened to kill himself and I took him to er and basically told them if they didn't admitt him I would be burying him tomorrow. They have no inpatient treatment here at all. He has tried to detox on his own and can not go through the withdrawls cold turkey. He is a really wonderful person with a bad problem. I just became aware of the problem in the last 4 months. I knew something was wrong and knew it was drugs but not what. He came to me and told me and asked for my help. I am completely lost here. I would appreciate help in ways to help without doing the wrong thing. I fully know he has to do this because he wants it for himself but want to be of constructive help.
Well with the 3 day hold and no drugs by the time he gets out the w/d's should be almost over also ask the hospital about any rehabs. I know the salvation army has free rehabs and shelter. I know you understand that he needs to want this, but if he is serious about help maybe give him the #'s to some rehabs and let him do the leg work. Let his actions speak louder than words. Set up boundries if he lives with you and lay them on the table and if he breaks them he is out of your house. Its easier when you dont have a front row seat to all the drama. Some boundries could be random drug tests, curfew, chores, getting a job, paying rent. If he is unable to value your boundries than he can live somewhere else. I know that sounds harsh but addicts have to hit their bottom b4 they will stop. Giving him a soft landing will not help him reach his bottom. Infact alot of addicts will tell you they finally reached their bottom and seeked help when everyone got out of there way. Let them do it on their own. I wish you luck with this cause I know how difficult it is to watch. I dont have children but have been an addict and have been with addicts. I have seen the damage I have done to myself and other relationships in my life. It wasnt until I was ready to stop did I stop. Heroin w/d usually lasts a week or so and it does suck but it can be done. Its the cravings that come later that will bring us ot our knees and almost convince us to use again, thinking we can control it. So maybe you can support him but let him find the help he needs. I know when I was ready to stop I did all the work myself. I wish you luck and your son sobriety.
I agree with Mollie...there should be someone there who should have already met w/ him if he was admitted under sucidal tendencies. Its protocol. They would have had someone meet with him already if not soon. It sounds like they may be letting him get settled, and trying to get him leveled out but they SHOULD be sending someone soon. We live in a town of 8,000 and we have a mental health office here that immediately is called uopn anything like this. We have no inpatient opportunities here, and the closest is 8 hours one way. I promise you. In my profession I deal w/ ppl that overdose, get hauled in, ect. because of drugs, and have a lot of contact with our mental health office, and always have to go to the hospital to even interview pts. There has to be some one who represents the mental health aspect at that hospital. Its no different that if a child came in abused, there would or SHOULD be someone there to represent any case that has been admitted when their own health or life is at risk. If not, ask for one, or DEMAND one. I hope your soon can get the help he needs, and Im glad you were there for him.
I have a son, and hes only 10, but it breaks my heart to see your post. Dont give up, dont enable, and pray for him to have the strength he needs at this time.
Also, They arent going to let anything happen to him during this detox, if they do,, then you have a lawsuit on your hands, amongst other things. They have to take care of him, and Im sure they will. They may not know exactly what to do, but they will consult someone or somewhere that does. Dont accept crappy treatment from them either, just because of what he was admitted for. They should treat everyone the same. Stand up for his rights, and hopefully he can get help and start from there.
Please let us know how things are going, I really will be thinking of you and your son.~ ps did you tell them at the hospital that hed admitted thinking of suicide? If you did, they would have someone there stat from mental health. Its the law. In almost of not every state. Also, even if you didnt, then with you admitting him and they know the extent of his problems, they have to by law, i am positive offer him some sort of mental health eval. Maybe someone came by and he was sleeping. If hes over 21, which i think he is, sorry, then he can tell the SW or MH person to "get lost". Thats his option. See whats going on, and ask to speak to someone. I hope he wants to live~
Well my son is out of the hospital and so far so good. The stay at the hospital was terrible. They basically did nothing but lock him up. I was really disappointed with the Dr and nurses because they made no attempt to hide the fact that they didn't want him there. I guess I was surprised with the attitude they had about it. My son has been to an N A meeting for last three days and a person there has given him a lot of numbers and people to contact.
He has an appointment on wednesday with a clinic. I want to thank everyone who relpied. I have been able to stand back and let him handle everything his self. But God it is so hard. I also have set ground rules for him living at home. He is 5 days clean, longer than it has ever been in the last 4 months. Once again thanks for the replies, they really helped
Just wanted to let you know that my son has been going to an N A meeting everyday. He is taking it one day at a time. He has found an outpatient program and it seems to be helping him. I have a question . I am having a hard time not giving him the fifth degree when he leaves the house. I think he is beginning to resent all my questions. Should I stop them or should I continue to question his coming and goings? I don't know if this is his problem or mine. Any insight would be appreciated
ASK him to sit and have a family meeting with you - its your house and you would like him to report on what he does each day. if he says no; then tell him he has your support and shelter if he follows your rules. if not then he knows where the door is. you want the truth even if he slips.
Hi Erics ma, been where you are, it isn't easy and you second guess yourself every step of the way. My son has been drug free for 10 days and so far so good. But he literally had to move out of state to start a new life.
In our state I had no idea that the government has free programs for addicts, they aren't advertised. You have to find them by calling around.
Your son is going in the right direction with the meetings and outpatient program. I agree with the sit down, figure out what you want to say and make it short so he doesn't feel like you are lecturing him. Let him know you are proud of him but if he goes back to his old ways you aren't going to sit by and watch him kill himself and he will have to leave.
You should attend Nar Anon meetings, they are for family members and the support and stories will help you tremendously. You will learn you are not alone and how to detach from owning his problem.
Let your son know know you are going to trust him until he gives you reason not too. As dumb as this sounds, try hugging him from the heart every time he leaves instead of grilling him. Let him feel safe around you, keep those communication lines open. When I started backing off (because I was going to Nar Anon meetings and learning how to let go) there was a change in my sons attitude and he asked for help. Addicts are so confused, suffer from low self esteem and anxiety ridden. In my sons case he needed the calm from me so he could work through his demons.
Hi Eric's ma~
Im glad to hear that hes doing better! I know that you are so scared, but he probably is too, BUT keep loving him and nagging will only drive him away, and youll get nothing. I agree with the sit down and the hugs. His self esteem is shot, hes back home living, and feels like a loser. And being treated like crap at the hospital didnt help. What jackasses.
Hang in there, it will get better, and keep us posted!~
Thank you for the advice. I did sit down and talk to him.. You were so right, he was feeling like a complete failure. Losing everything, car, apartment,girlfriend( she chose not to get clean) and his job., was really eating at him. I went to a meeting with him for the first time tonight and was very nervous about it. I am so glad I went. I am going to an alanon meeting tomorrow. I am still so frightened when he leaves the house but know that he must get on with his life. He has been looking for employment this week, he feels better but still has a tough time getting to sleep. Any suggestions for help with this. Again thank you for your help
herb tea - with chameroil. spelled something like that but not the whole pot or you will be up doing "you know what". it works - we got a brand called "sleepy time" and if he nods off on the couch - leave him there with a light on. and tell him - good work on gettin rid of the "girlfriend"???
Thank you Green Dragon for the info on the tea. I found the sleepy time tea. It really seemed to help him tonight. He is a sleep in the recliner, I also took your advice and let him sleep where he fell asleep.
The girlfriend has been calling but he won't take her calls. That really gives me hope he is serious about really trying to stay clean. They were together 6 yrs.
I do have a question about, what I think is infection on his arms from drug use. He has a couple of red angry looking bumps. They were there when he was in the hospital and have gotten smaller but they are still nasty looking.
He doesn't want to talk about them. Is this something that I should be concerned about? I did notice if he bumps them it hurts. It has been two weeks now, should they be gone? Again thank you for the info.
I been reading this site for a long time, but never registered, and when i saw your post, i instantly wanted to reply, for the first time ever. Of course i couldnt because i wasnt registered, so i just want u to know that after 6 months of just reading stuff, i signed in so i could tell you something in case it helps u a litlle bit, and i honestly I am getting chills right now writing this
so please read this:
I had a great friend diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which is very difficult to treat, and it has been a long, long struggle, but her parents and friends never gave up and we do all we can for her, and everytime an incident occured/s, they try to seek help, and often they were denied, and/or faced waiting times and closed doors, but like u at the hospital with your son, they did not accept that and at times, would not leave until they admitted her, and it has made all the difference,
they could have easily accepted being sent home and walked away, but they refused that optioin and didnt stop unitl they got assistance, it is so unfortunate that this is the case, as these doors are the most important of all to be open and accesible, because for anyone that is trying to go through them needs welcome signs, not locks to try and get through
Today, Eric's mom, i am a 27 year old, successful and independant adult with a great family who i would do anything for, but for some reason cannot bring myself to tell them that i have become deeply addicted to cocaine and that i am on the verge of getting into seriously trouble, and i know 110% that if i were to go to them and ask for help, they would be sure i got it....no matter what
so my whole point of this, Erics mom, is that eric needs you to help him right now more than ever, and trust me it takes huge courage to tell your mom your an addict, no matter who you are, so u should be proud that he did, he trusts u and right now it doesnt matter that u are his mom, u are his friend that will help him through this and open the doors for him while he cant, and when he finally gets through, he will tell u how lucky he is,
please remember that noone wants to, or plans to be in this situation, it creeps in without u knowing, and often we scream for help and want someone to help us, but are to trapped to ask for it, so never give up and fight to get him the help he needs,i cannot tell u where to go from here, but i can say that he is lucky, as a lot of people dont have
we never mean for this to happen, it just creeps on u before u realize, and
Your post was so moving to me. My son said almost the same things to me. He also was so afraid to tell me. He feared We would condem him. He is a wonderful person with a very loving nature. I hope and pray you can also find the courage to ask your family for help.
I am in this for as long as it takes. I know I can't do it for him but I can be there and support him when he needs me. I have been so grateful for the replies. They have helped me keep myself in check.
I know that he did not set out to become an addict. I have been through the whole gambit of emotions, anger,sadness, fear, and now a thread of hope.
Thank you for repling to my post because you made me feel like my son had really opened up to me, because so much of what you said was exactly the same. I am concerned about your health, I had a very good friend have a serious heart problem due to do the same drug.
Oh! I almost forgot, he received a job offer today and starts to work tomorrow. I am a little worried he is not in good enough physical shape( I did not voice this concern), but he was so excited to be going back to work.
Again thank you so much.