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Old 03-18-2007, 10:43 PM   #1
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Tonym81 HB User
Addictive personality, holding me back

Hi, I am a 26 year old male. I have an addictive personality which is holding me back and frustrating me to no end. I have read through alot of posts here and I have had enough, and want help anywhere I can get it.

I started experimenting with marijuana, and cigs, and alcohol, as most normal teens do in their high school years. I quit smoking cigs for one year at 21, then started again up to today (10-12 cigs a week average).

Marijuana, actually I enjoy it and really had no problem using it until I read alot of good posts here, and I have identified it as a problem and a complication in my life. This is a daily thing, up to today.

Alcohol, well this is a bigger problem than the first two combined. When I drink, I DRINK. I am 6'4 240 Lbs so I drink up to 5-10 liters of beer a week, not to mention harder alcohol to go along with it. I drink maybe 2-3 nights a week, more heavily on weekends, up to today.


When I was 24 I started using cocaine, which I stopped after a few months, but instead I switched to Crack. In the first few months it wasn't bad at all,but then it grew worse. This stuff makes me feel horrible after, and this was a weekly thing for a year or so. The past 3-5 months, it has slowed down which is somewhat of a positive. Last night I used it again, for a long time, after being 28 days clear of it. and before that 2 weeks, and a month before that.

I have a loving family, good friends (not all) I hold down a good job, never let this get in the way of making money, just spending it. Been working out for 3 months 3 times a week, making healthy eating choices, love sports, and I am starting a stucco company with a partner in a mere week from today.

I have though about this long and hard, I want to be clean, 100%, no smoking anything, no drinking any alcohol, I just thought I could never do this but I never tried.

I want this more than anything in the world, and I want to start working towards it tommorow.


How I am going to deal with withdrawals/cravings, from 4 different things at once?

Is going to a outpatient rehab helpful? I signed up for one.

The thing is all these things combine to form a seemingly unstoppable force, I smoke a joint, the want a cig, then a beer, then a shooter, then once I am drunk as a skunk the crack just completely takes over, and I can't stop this cycle.

I wanna be clean, and live a healthy life.

Any info/advice would be helpful, some people here are very intelligent and I would like to hear from as many people as I can. I feel afwul, ashamed, and disgusted after what I do and have done. Sometimes I smoke a joint and I can't stop thinking about the nights I smoke crack, I beat myself up for days, bringing down my self esteem and confidence big time. I try not to allow this but this a one thing leads to another deal and I need to get to the root of it NOW.

Last edited by Tonym81; 03-18-2007 at 10:47 PM.

 
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Old 03-19-2007, 04:54 PM   #2
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Dantheinsane HB User
Re: Addictive personality, holding me back

The real secret is, "Are you willing to go to any length to get clean and sober? Including pushing anything on your nose for the full length of a football field?" "How about changing all friends and playgrounds?"

If you are, and are willing to show it then maybe, just maybe you may make it. Though this is no guarantee.

Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

 
Old 03-19-2007, 05:12 PM   #3
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Re: Addictive personality, holding me back

Hello Tony

Welcome to the board. It is good to see you posting and I hope you continue.

Yep, Dan is correct in that you have to be willing to go to any length to get clean and sober.

Signing up for an outpatient program is a good first step. Have you started with that program yet? I would not be shocked if that program suggests that you might need an "inhouse" rehab as an initial step.

You are certainly dealing with many addiction issues, but, Buddy, there is never a time to give up hope as long as you live and breath. And there will never be a better or more opportune time than right this minute to begin. My suggestion is that you implant this though as deeply into your brain as possible.

I would also suggest that you go read the very first thread on this board (up above where the posters threads start. It is called, "A SAMPLE HOME DETOX." Especially follow all the vitamin and food regimants suggested faithfully, everyday. These things will help strengthen your body and brain for the things we all must go through in order to stop.

Oh, there is so much more to talk about, but for now, please try the the things suggested thus far. Step by step, it is a process that must go step by step.

Tony, it is a hard road, but certainly less hard than the road you have been on that leads straight to destruction. The new road you are trying to get on leads to nothing but hope and a renewed life. It is worth every effort you make because you are worth the effort. Take much hope in the stories you read here of those who have, indeed, been able to follow this new road successfully.

Stay in touch. keep reading, keep posting

All good wishes
reach

 
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