Hi, I am a 26 year old male. I have an addictive personality which is holding me back and frustrating me to no end. I have read through alot of posts here and I have had enough, and want help anywhere I can get it.
I started experimenting with marijuana, and cigs, and alcohol, as most normal teens do in their high school years. I quit smoking cigs for one year at 21, then started again up to today (10-12 cigs a week average).
Marijuana, actually I enjoy it and really had no problem using it until I read alot of good posts here, and I have identified it as a problem and a complication in my life. This is a daily thing, up to today.
Alcohol, well this is a bigger problem than the first two combined. When I drink, I DRINK. I am 6'4 240 Lbs so I drink up to 5-10 liters of beer a week, not to mention harder alcohol to go along with it. I drink maybe 2-3 nights a week, more heavily on weekends, up to today.
When I was 24 I started using cocaine, which I stopped after a few months, but instead I switched to Crack. In the first few months it wasn't bad at all,but then it grew worse. This stuff makes me feel horrible after, and this was a weekly thing for a year or so. The past 3-5 months, it has slowed down which is somewhat of a positive. Last night I used it again, for a long time, after being 28 days clear of it.
and before that 2 weeks, and a month before that.
I have a loving family, good friends (not all) I hold down a good job, never let this get in the way of making money, just spending it. Been working out for 3 months 3 times a week, making healthy eating choices, love sports, and I am starting a stucco company with a partner in a mere week from today.
I have though about this long and hard, I want to be clean, 100%, no smoking anything, no drinking any alcohol, I just thought I could never do this but I never tried.
I want this more than anything in the world, and I want to start working towards it tommorow.
How I am going to deal with withdrawals/cravings, from 4 different things at once?
Is going to a outpatient rehab helpful? I signed up for one.
The thing is all these things combine to form a seemingly unstoppable force, I smoke a joint, the want a cig, then a beer, then a shooter, then once I am drunk as a skunk the crack just completely takes over, and I can't stop this cycle.
I wanna be clean, and live a healthy life.
Any info/advice would be helpful, some people here are very intelligent and I would like to hear from as many people as I can. I feel afwul, ashamed, and disgusted after what I do and have done. Sometimes I smoke a joint and I can't stop thinking about the nights I smoke crack, I beat myself up for days, bringing down my self esteem and confidence big time. I try not to allow this but this a one thing leads to another deal and I need to get to the root of it NOW.