Crawling Back To The Surface - Addiction & Recovery Message Board

coder · 05-01-2007, 07:49 PM

Some of you may have wondered what in the world happened to me....I seemed to have just disappeared off the face of the earth. Believe me, it might have been easier had that happened.

I am not opiate free as I had hoped. I AM free of the vicoden....free of that monster since Feb 28. I still have the darvocet beast on my back that I cannot shake. Everyone, including my pain management doctor (who has since kicked me out) tells me that darvocet detox is a cake walk with minimal to no side effects. Obviously this jerk has never been addicted to the stuff.
I tried so hard to stop cold turkey in March and made it to day 3. I tried to do this and still go to work. That is an impossible feat to accomplish...the pain of withdrawl is just too intense. SO, I have set up what WILL be my FINAL withdrawl and be rid of all the drugs by the end of May. I have been given a 12 day vacation from work to get through a home detox...which I know is attainable. I know the detox from darvocet, while bad enough, is no where near the nightmare I went through with the hydrocodone.
SO, I have my final plan in place. Come May 18, I start cold turkey detox from the darvocet. I have clonidine patches prescribed along with a few days worth of klonopin to get me through the rough spots. But I will mainly just suck it up and go through what needs to be for me the last stage. I so desperately NEED to be drug free...it is destroying my life and making me like a shell of my former self. I find no pleasure in ANYthing anymore... ALL I want to do is sleep or cry, being so depressed on these demons. I know once my body is clear of the drugs, I will feel immensely better.

Please say a few prayers for me. I know I am not where I would like to be at this point in time.. I know there are those of you who have followed my story who thought I was probably clean by now. Well, that has not come to pass....yet. I have the final darvocet demon on my back then I am a free man.

Lou

flintrock · 05-01-2007, 08:25 PM

you can do this!! Just make your mind up and get ready for the ride. you already know it won't be easy. but you can do it. I will say lots of prayers and you keep posting no matter how bad you feel...........we can get you through this!!!!

logalind · 05-01-2007, 08:26 PM

Lou don't be so hard on yourself. The Vic's were a nightmare I know I'm only on day 2. But you have all of us behind you and I will be praying for you, with all my heart. Are you gonna try and do the subs? Can you? I know this is such a nightmare, you know what I did today I saw a flower and for the first time I realized how beautiful it was. For 1 minute I forgot about my addiction an the hell I was going thru. I know you can't focus right now but try just for 1 minute it will help I promise. I just want you to know I will keep praying and thinking about you I know I am not the only person who cares, we all do. Lou just remember you are a strong person you did this once you can do it again!!! Your a winner because you did not keep on using you have a plan and you are going for it. Keep posting even when you don't feel like it. I am sorry I have no great words of wisdom to give you I just wanted to let you know I care.

Super big strong hugs.
Lori

jkm1201 · 05-02-2007, 07:25 AM

hi lou, I've been following your story for a while, and yes... while I truly hoped you had found your recovery, I understand that addiction is addiction and you will be clean when you are ready to be clean. I think many of us on this board can see ourselves through you. If you didn't go through these relapses, how will you help someone someday in your very own shoes?.... I'm a firm believer in 'what comes around goes around'. Your going to be ok, your going to get through this. I'm over here routing for you! along w/ many others, I'm sure

keep posting, good or bad, up or down, in or out... whatever! let us know how you are, pretty please

TJinPA · 05-02-2007, 08:32 AM

Hi Lou. I kinda thought that you were in limbo. We all seem to shy away from posting when we proably need to do it the most. Hang in there buddy, and yes I understand what you mean when you say they don't know what darvocet is like because they have never had to kick it. Be strong my friend. TJ