My name is Shelley and Im addicted to pain meds it started 13 yrs ago when I had my daughter bad delivery c-section got me viccodin a friend shared Soma with me and its all been downhill scence. I have not had a day in 13 yrs w/out something at this point I have had back surgery and am on Fentanyl patches 100 mcg and Percocet and anything else I can get my hands on for over 3 years . When my patches wernt working fast enough a friend told me to suck on one and it would work faster yea it did but now I just eat them as fast as I can get them Im sooo tired and dont want to do this anymoore. This is the first time Ive ever thought that befor e but I hurt soooo bad I cant go without pain meds and I run out to fast. I just want to stop and be normal I dont remember what normal is. I sometimes think it would be easier if I were dead but I have 2 beautiful kids that I cant do that to. I want to stop but am afraid of the withdraw NOONE nknows what I have been doing not my husband my mom my best friend noone and Im affraid to tell them. I want to quit please someone help me! Is there a way to withdraw eith out all the pain and sickness from it?
Welcome to the board. It is good to see you posting (and hope you are reading a whole lot, too!).
Shelley, sadly, the answer to your question is no. There is no way to withdraw without some pain and suffering and sickness. None. It is just the natural course of life, Honey. God is not punishing you, you are not a failure and by no means are you alone.
It is a tremendously scary time and each of us has been there, and many are now clean and functioning and HAPPY. It is here for you to, but only with some hard decisions and work.
I suggest that the first thing you do is get started reading the SAMPLE HOME DETOX which is the very first thread on this board. Start implementing the ideas there that work for you as soon as you can. They are helpful no matter what stage of detox or recovery we are in. However, the vitamins and supplements are so very helpful in preparing our bodies for the struggles that lay ahead.
The second thing I suggest you do? ( and don't think you will find much success without it) is to tell SOMEONE what is going on with you. A family doctor would be a GREAT place to start if you can not yet tell your husband.
Shelley, however scary these words feel to you right now... know without a doubt that there is also so much hope that it is beyond what you can imagine right now. You need to make a choice... do you want to drop like a dead seagull or soar like an eagle?
Many will be here for you as you walk this road. Many will be everywhere with you as you walk this road if only you will accept help.
shelly --please read my posts. You will see that we are all in the same boat. I am in the middle of a taper right now --just me and my wife. Its working. It is NOT easy, but what are we gonna do --kill ourselves? That is not fair to our kids or ourselves. The light at the end of the tunnel is so bright. It will only be a few weeks of crappy feelings for a lifetime of change and brightness. Come with us --learn from us --we WILL be here for you
Hi Shelley~ [my best friend is shelley and its shelley belly or shelle-belle]
Wow....Im on the patched 50's for pain, and i know if i go 3 days without changing them Im ill...I know you may not want to hear this, but thats a LOT of meds...Can you do ANY inpatient rehab? A home withdrawl would be reslly really tough after youve been eating them. If you can do inpatient, it would be SO worth it. I feel so badly for you...I cant abuse my meds or ill not get them, and id not be able to function and be a mom to my kids..
As much as it seems so scary to tell someone, your hubby family, ect...have you thought thsat they may alreasdy know? They may be waiting for you to stop and really want to help you. Youve been on p meds for 13 yrs, girl. thats a long time, and its gonna be tough to even home detox but to keep off of the stuff. Please please think about telling, [i know its scary and you dont wanna] Someone!!! please! Im not a doctor, but what youve been doing and been on for so long, you could really have probs if you try to detox alone. Ya never know...ppl can tewll when youre on meds...they really can. and if you are so tired and ready to quit, chances are ppl havce knowns somethings up. Hey...You can do this, ok? We are here for you, and Im glad you want to get better. Hope you post again soon....Ill be looking to see how you are~
Please think about it from one mom to another....I know you wasnt to get off of this ride, and i just want you to have the help you'll need.
Hi Reach and MedGuy~ Shelley youll get lots of good help here....I happy you are here ok?
welcome to the board and thank yourself for your arrival
It's a long road, a bumpy journey...it's better here than where you were
It certainly is NOT easier if you were dead
Without you, we would not be here...
Without you, your children would not have their mother
There is a way out.. you are not trapped.. you can do this
Wow...GV, Im so amazed! you have strength that I could never posess....I want to gt off of my meds so badly and yet they do give me the life id never have if i werent on them...what a double edged sword~
Thanks for the kind words.
Thank you for your words of encoragment. Im gona try this very hard but I hurt soooo bad I an=m gona print the home detox plan and read it I just hurt soooooo bad I have access to Methidone but dont know how to try to use it to help detox or if thats a bad Idea I just dont think I will make it hurting like this it would be sooo much easier to take a hand ful of pills and got to sleep how long is the pain all over and the chills nausa and pain gona last and if anyone knows how to use methidone to help please advise so I dont end up doing it wrong cause I dont think I can do it without something to help. Med guy how do I read your posts Im not very good at this computer thing and just found this site by accident tell me how to find your posts please. Thanks
Oh Shelley...hon...I KNOW that feeling, so d@mn well. I even have the marks on my wrists to prove it, but please, please, please listen to the people here. You CAN do this. Will it be hard? Yes. Simply yes. But it will be worth it, dear. Some people probably already know (esp. the friend that told you to chew the patches). I'm afraid for you, not only mentally, but physically at this point. Please speak with a doctor. Girl, if going to your family doctor is too much for you at this point, find another one and tell them what's happening. You need some medical direction here. Also, girl, tell your husband. He does probably already know, and even if he does get upset, he will get over it, and you'll need his support.
Help Me !!!!!!!!!!i Cant Think I Cant Do My Work My Bones Hurt My Head Hurts I Want To Screeeeem I Cant Do This I Keep Shaking My Head Is Soooo Tierd I Cant Think I Cant Thank God I Work In An Office Alone I Wouldnt Want Anyone To Watch Me Right Now My Legs Wont Stay Still They Just Keep Moving Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hang in there. Ull make it. I am on day 5 and still hurting. Ull have boughts when it is bad then for a lil bit it wont be too bad then it comes bak. Believe me it is the hardest thing I have ever been through. But think of the life that is waiting for u! A clear mind and not chasing a fake god! Keep going. I had a really bad night last night then I woke up and the pain is there and I would like to lay down but Im not im working and trucken. Keep going It does GET BETTER. We all have faith in u !
Today is a new day
minute to minute..
smile through it..
Shelly, please hang in there. I know what youre going through, I used to suck the gel out of 100 uG fentanyl patches too and thats some strong stuff even when you just wear it as prescribed.
Im not sure when you quit but when I went through it it lasted about 10 days, with days 3-6 being the worse. I had planned it so I was off work for 11 days. you need to stay hydrated (lots of water or gateraid etc) and even if youre not hungry you need something like even slimfast or other liquid meals.
please please dont try the methadone, that stuff is even worse as the WDs are very long.. youll regret it worse if you try it.
back surgery in JUN 06 - two level ALIF (L3-4-5) with cages and BMP - SUCCESSFUL!
I didnt make it I failed another episode in my life I just couldnt take it I want to be sober soooo bad but I dont even know what it would feel like it hurst sooo bad. It started with vic's then add soma and Tylenol #3 & valum then back surgury in 2001 and in a month I now take 25 Fentanyl 100 patchs, 120 percocet 10's , 120 Narco, 60 Ambien 5's ,30 Ambein CR 12.5 ,120 soma some months 120 -200 Oxicotin 40's ,30 Morfeen 30's and have access to 240 Methedone 10's if I run out of anything and I m on meds for depression i read somewear that I could die if I try to stop on my own but I have noone to talk to that know I mean I think my family has an idea that I over take meds sometimes but they have no Idea what I really do can anyone make any suggestions to help me should I try cutting down will that help or will I never be able to do this??????? Ijust need someone to talk to but cant tell anyone someimes I think Im gona go insane
First of all, there is a reason you are here....you want to live, or you wouldnt be posting and asking for help. I want you to live, and I want you to get the help you need.
AS much as you are on, I think, honestly, you need to go into rehab. Inpatient, can you?
Dont be ******, but is there ANY way you can? When i saw your Laundry list, i was like "holy CRAP".
Shelley, Thats a hella lot of stuff. You are gonna need a lot of help. Do you have chronic pain? If you do and you NEED the meds, then you may have to get someone who can help you with the pain AND the other stuff. Please forgive me if Ive missed key points to your story, Im so sorry, Im trying to get kiddies to bed, ect, but Im here and I want to help you please? My heart breaks for you...I can hear you saying you are dying to stop the madness...
Its gonna come down to this...WHO CARES ABOUT WhAT PPL THINK ABOUT YOU..[WHO GIVES A RATS *SS} OR DO YOU WANNA LIVE GIRL! The ppl who luv you and care about you will understand even if yOU dont think they will....promise!
I want YOU TO LIVE!! Im sure ppl want you to too! Dont worry about EVERYONE ELSE!!!! WORRY ABOUT YOU!!!
I know its easier said than done, but is it??? YOU ARE WHATS IMPORTANT!!! WE ARE HERE for YOU, and you DONT EVEN KNOW US!!!
If you can get into somewhere PLEASE DO IT! With the amounts and all you are ingesting, I fear you wont be here long;[
PLEASE!!! THINK ABOUT IT PLEASE??? My heart is heavy tonite as I go to sleep, BUT I will be praying for you, I will....Please, Please you can get help, and I hope that you will..
shelly -- I will add from a medical standpoint that you will not live much longer on that high a dosage of drugs. Sometimes the truth can be very hurtful, but helpful at the same time. I guarantee that if you walked into a rehab center and told them all the crap you are taking right now, they would have to help you or at least figure out a good plan. You must either have a good insurance plan or $$$ to GET that much stuff each month, so why not spend the $$ or the insurance on a good rehab. If you dont, you will either get yourself killed or go to jail. Sorry to be so blunt, but I am really scared for you today. Please keep writing and try and do the smart thing. Think for yourself, dot let the drugs think for you..
"1 is too many and 1000 is not enough" -
Thank you for reading and responding. Yes I have cronic back pain from a bad back surgery and Fibromialga and very severe restless legs syndrom and Im very animic I hurt soo bad all the time thats how I got in this situation I started taking what was prescribed and when it didnt help I added to it on my own and the thing that sucks is unless Im nocked out I still hurt I want to stop sooo bad but Im affraid and I want to tell someone but Im affraid and I am affraid Im gona die I have friends that know how much pain Im in and they give me meds my husband has a bad back and I take his meds and my dr gives me meds so thats how I get them I have kaiser insurance and I tryed once before to ask them for help and they just gave me meds to stop the vomiting and diariah and wanted me to go to meetings but I couldnt hang and I am affraid to call them because they want my kaiser # before they will give me any info and Im not ready for them to know I really want noone to know Im sooo embarassed I feel like such a looser and dissapointment and I am affraid for anyone to know what I really have been doing because they will be so upset my mom is very sick and doesnt need the stress of my failure in life to worrie about right now and I have 2 small children who I dont want to know. Is it safe for me to do the taper thing I keep hearing everyone talk about here?
Shellie, you have taken a big first step asking for help! I ca n really understand your pain pill addiction as i had one very close to yours. Mine started when i was 13 years old and they found tumors in my right leg, they put me on percodan, after taken off my leg i got addicted to morphine, percocet, valium, seconal and booze. This is my 4 th try at getting sober! I have 3 great kids and a wife and a job! I am coming off a bender of fentonyl 150 mg, oxicontin and percocet. I went ct and am now sober 4 months. The first step is huge! If you can find a Dr who knows about addiction medicene and start going off asap. It is not a good idea with the drugs you have been taken to go ct, this is only my thought! i wish you the very best and will follow your road. Love Randy, Call 908-362-6114 Little Hill Alina Lodge, They can refer you to a Clinic in Fresno
You are not a failure in God's eyes, he/she loves you, as do your children and mother. Shelley you have so much to handle on your own with pain management, I would strongly recommend getting some help in the taper process. Your mother and children will thank you in the long run. Right now it doesn't seem like they will,because you are full of fear, but down the road they will thank you for getting help because you will be a 100% mother, as I learned from my own experience. The odds are difficult and not in your favor for doing it alone. Reach out and grab onto a hand that will help you out of your despair pit and the on-going pain.
I want to stop because I am taking way more than 10 people should take my goal is to stop so I can take the right amount of something and it will work Ive been taking so much for so long I dont know if any of it is working because I am still in severe pain.Pain that makes me not want to live so I hope if I stop for a bit and get it out of my body that we can find something that will help me not to be in such pain. And I want to know what it feels like to have a clear head I cant remember what its like to not be loaded and I really want to live and I think I might die if I keep on like I have been and I WANT TO LIVE