Hi all. OK, I have been drug-free my whole life. Never even seen drugs before. I drink when I go out, but that's it. I have never had to deal with drugs ever.... until I met my boyfriend. He frequently smokes pot with his friends. He says I'm the only one he knows that doesn't do it. It's a really odd situation for me.
I guess I'm here looking for reasons NOT to. Deep down inside I don't want to. I've never even tried cigarettes and find the act of inhaling repulsive. Also, I'm afraid to try it because I've always heard that marijuana is a gateway drug to more dangerous drugs. Is that true for anyone here?
But the old "can't beat em, join em" feeling keeps creeping up on me. I want to feel good and strong about choosing not to join the crowd, but I really feel like a real "square" and about ready to give in just because I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't do it, or hasn't tried it.
First of all...you'd rather be a 'square' then running around in vicious 'circles' like the rest of us....and...yes...yes...yes....it is a gateway to other drugs. period.
You have a couple of kinds of addicts that you'll see post here...the ones who were prescribed pain meds and stuff that ended up liking the feeling they got and couldn't avoid the enevitable dependence and addiction they bring. Then you have the ones (like me) who have had drug issues their whole life and may have gotten into an injury (me) or operation (me) and ended up already knowing what they had their hands on when they got pain meds. I will post my story here later as to how I got to where I am now...very addicted...but I don't have alot of time now to do it.
I'll tell you this...it's starts with alcohol sometimes leading to pot and other thing but, for sure and I can almost promise you that anyone who smokes pot will eventually try other stuff too....just about guranteed! I have never known one person ( and I know a ton of people...really, from every walk of life possible) I have dated one of our govenors grand sons, a renown newspaper writer, and I have dated those who shot up, robbed pharmacies, forged prescriptions, and other really bad stuff...not to mention just people I know) So don't do it! You will find yourself in a pickle that you can't get out of without alot of pain, misery, loss, confusion, ....
I will also telll you that with me, it started with a boyfriend too........almost 25 years ago! I'm not a fuddy duddy by any means...I listen to the 'cool' music, up on the 'cool' stuff, dress 'cool' etc......I'm totally hip! So don't take this as some old fart who can't relate.....I can remember 25 years ago like it was yesterday.....
I am worried about you being with this guy personally.....I know the influence a guy has on us girls....and did on me.
Please tell him and the others if they're so secure about their pot use, then don't worry about what you do ....or don't do. You're just fine in your little square....
Hope I could help a little!
Shay
p.s....I know you see alot of posts here about pain meds and people being addicted to them....they are ALL opiates.....pot is in the family!
Last edited by shay4bliss; 06-21-2007 at 02:03 PM.
Reason: add a p.s.
Mannie-
First- it's illegal
Second- a true friend would not pressure you to do it
Third- You have to be true to you and your own morals
Sweetie- You have every reason in the world to NOT smoke this mess with them. You obviously have a good head on your shoulders and you should be proud of the choices you have made and stuck to! I don't even know you and I'm proud of you.
Shay is right....these forums are filled with people living in agony and I can promiss that most of them started with pot. I myself hated pot so I never got into it but I know others who did and believe me.....you dont want to live life like that.
And please dont tell yourself that it wont hurt you if you only try it once...but once turns into twice and so on. drugs really do mess with your brain....imagine being an active pot smoker/drug user and not being able to remember who you are now....or imagine your current hobbies and general interests not makeing you happy anymore....its horrible.
What do you like? Camping, swimming, friends and parties, reading, working out....just think about what it is that you like and tell me if you are willing to give that up.
Also, next time you are with your boyfriend and his friends, take a good hard look at them and how you view them....do you see yourself being able to identify with them? Or do you see yourself different?
A year ago my daughter said - 'it's me of the drugs', to her boyfriend.
A year on she herself is trying to get off them. She has a prescription substitute. As I told her, people WILL drag you down to their level, YOU will NEVER get them to rise to yours. Keep that good head on you shoulders.
It's all about making the right choices..............................
I started drinking, then smoking pot. Soon, I was doing crosstops (speed), meth and coke. I went back to drinking and, now, I'm in recovery for opiates.
My story has another "oh my God, how did I ever get myself into this mess," plot. You may not have an addicitive personality, but why take the chance?
I agree with the other poster that true "friends" who are tempting you to smoke are trying to drag you down to their level (even if it's a boyfriend). Please don't go there. Once your resolve is weakened by using that first drug, it is easier to try something with a little more kick.
A friend of mine stopped his friends from tempting him by getting angry with them. With an assertive-aggressive voice and body-language, he told them to stop bugging him about the pot, he will never do it, and that's final. He said he didn't want to hear any more of that s***, and will no longer consider them friends if it continues. It worked. Maybe, if you can muster up enough of that "woman's scorn" stuff, it will work for you?
I've had my wife set me straight a few times. Holy smokes, did I back off.
Mike is so right...he's very wise! When he and ozzy both said they want to bring you down to their level it's so true.
Let me explain another way too....it really screws up a high to have someone around who doesn't use (cause you wish you could be happy without) or to have no one at all to share your 'buzz'.
I'm not like that anymore...too greedy and it's not a party thing with me anymore,it's survival and just out and out addiction....but we all used to share our drugs. No fun for everyone else to be different from you...you want a party.
And....marijuana is a very social drug. Like drinking.
Shay
Last edited by shay4bliss; 06-21-2007 at 08:00 PM.
Hey girl, you're doing the right thing looking for guidance. You're obviously a deep thinker and if you hold out long enough you're going to think...."what the heck was I thinking!" If your boyfriend is still around maybe he'll follow your lead and be thanking you for staying strong to your beliefs. He should have a lot of respect for you now, but it sounds like he needs a little time to mature to realize that you deserve it. You'll have a lot more temptations to come, but if you just search for strength like you're doing now then you'll just have all kinds of strength in you. Just remember all your potential and that pot definately doesn't make a successful life easy. Keep your eyes on the prize and good luck to you....
I used to laugh and sneer at people who warned, "it won't stop at marijuana, before you know it you will be doing heroin." I know the sneering part came from that lil rebel in me. And I definitely was a follower with the 'if you can't beat em join em crowd. I wasn't aware of other healthy preventative choices (1) - we weren't taught prevention in school ( 2) - I was too consumed with looking cool and (3) - my self-centeredness. Fast forward, reeling in the years, ' life pass me by' Hello, Hello, knock- knock, hello, hello...Anybody home? I missed half my life! I wasn't there. I was asleep at the wheel. Sometimes I feel like my life was stolen from me, I get upset over the waste of a precious life. I would like to take the person to court with charges of neglect, abuse, and abandonment., but I cannot, I don't want to go to jail. Today I want to live.
Continue with your 'feel good and strong about choosing not to join the crowd' You are on the right road and thankfully somewhere along the road, you picked up some useful tools -some preventative medicine. Healthy choices will lead you to a fulfilling life ahead. It is difficult to be with people who use when you do not. Especially your boyfriend! How hard is that? You must continue to say no.... you are doing this already, but one day you could weaken and say 'yes' I'm not saying you will, I am saying there is a strong possibility you might if you happen to leave your good senses. And if you do leave your good senses, disaster will be waiting for you down the road. Maybe not right away, but months or years later- it will reach up and getcha, it will pull every cell of - better intentions - out of you. It always does, it always has, it always will - that in addiction life has not yet changed.
"Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely" - Molly Goode
I think you must continue with your rules for saying no, keep developing boundaries to protect yourself. Make some new rules for saying no, in 'what if scenarios' Practise with yourself -role playing -so you can continue to protect yourself.
If you strive to continue to protect yourself by saying no, - the how will present itself.
It has been a while since I made this original post, but wanted to say I was successful at turning down my first offer to smoke pot. It was just me and my bf's best friend's wife in the back room talking when the subject of my BF's marijuana use came up (in which I found out from her that he has been using and hiding it from me for the past 8 months). Anyway I told her that at one point I was curious about it and even wanted to try it myself. That's when she tried to get me to sneak upstairs and smoke with her saying my BF will never know (he was downstairs), it's no big deal, your heart races a little bit, etc. I'm like "No, that would make me such a hypocrite. And besides I consulted some people and it sounds like once you get on the merry-go-round, you can't get off". She pretty much laughed at me which made me feel like such an after school special, but I changed the subject and that was that.
So I wanted to say thanks everyone for your posts. I still feel like I am the only one in the world who hasn't tried it and who doesn't do it on a regular basis, but a couple of hours of fun doesn't sound like it's worth the risks that come along with it. I am even contemplating breaking up with my BF over it. I feel like he's never going to be able to quit and I am never going to fit into his world. That doesn't make me shallow right? Well I guess that's a topic for the relationship board.
So thank you again. I am determined to stay strong and show these people that I am one person they're not going to pull down in the mud with them!
Great replies!! I agree totally.......stay who you are...........don't demote yourself...find a new boyfriend.........a real one.......this one isn't the one!!
I am talking you out of it!!!!! Your story could be my story EXACTLY - however 3 years down the line with my boyfriend and i've still stayed strong... He smokes every single night and I really am not ready to not put up with this cr*p anymore... he is 30 years old, he lives in his bedroom at his mums, and all he worries about is cars, his muscles, tupac (the drug god!) and where his next 8th is coming from.... He even hid from me for the first year we were together that he took cocaine, so you can imagine the sort of shock I had, but for the full story of that one, you'll have to look up my other posts. I actually got him to move out of his mums for 6 months and we rented a place together, but then he went back to his mums because he 'wanted to save money for a new car!' Well don't I feel so important to him. I now at 33 live in my own place with my flatmate, something you do in your twenties! I don't wanna be in this position, he has put me here. He is the most selfish person and I really don't think I can put up with it anymore. Its hard because I do really love him (for some insane reason I can't fathom!)
I say to you, dont even try and get into his world, I've tried to fit in and will always feel like an outsider, anyways why the hell would you even wanna fit into that world, it's a pile of pants.... that's so many better worlds out there, and I'm beginning to wake up and discover them.
Stay strong, but most of all, get outta there, you dont wanna end up like me!!!!
Proud of you, the world needs more people like us!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story Horsybreeze!
I encountered yet another situation in which one of my friends, who only smokes pot once in a blue moon when she can get away for the weekend (she has two kids), offered it to me. I was able to escape the situation yet again! I can't lie though, I was tempted, it seems like a good time and you don't get hangovers, etc. But I know once I say yes once I'll say yes everytime and who knows where that will lead me. And I have this huge problem with inhaling. I don't know why, it's just apalling to me, yuck. So my struggle to say no continues, and I'm sure it will with or without my boyfriend. It really helps to come here and read supportive posts on why not to do it because it seems as if it is so acceptable in this world today and not a big deal to anybody and everyone is doing it or has done it. It really gets to me.
I feel I am on the right path, but sometimes I doubt myself...maybe I am on the straight, narrow, hard path that only a few like me are on and we are all missing out on a fun experience. I feel like the freak in society because I am doing the "right" thing. Society's wide accpetance of marijuana just makes it so hard to know 100% that it's a bad thing to get into. That's when I get weak. Grr.
I was a hardcore pot smoker for 20+ years, one of the things it did to me was make me enjoy being in altered state of mind. When I was prescribed Oxycodone 3 years ago I quickly became addicted and owned. Marijuana made me enjoy drugs, Im now owned by one.
In addition I sacrificed so much to pot, I lost relationships that still haunt me, it killed my incentive academically. I am now a very successful person career-wise however it took me SO many years to achieve. I fully blame this on weed. Im glad to say I no longer smoke it as it started to cause panic attacks (Not fun) so I was able to walk away and havent smoked in almost 2 years.
Dont let peer pressure force you into this, I promise you your not missing anything............
You are doing yourself a great justice being so honest about your feelings! To admit to yourself WHY you are considering giving in can help you to keep saying "no" since it's not a very solid reason. You're saying that you may be missing out on some kind of fun....Let me say that I smoked pot for the latter part of my teen years. I stopped caring about things that didn't instantly affect my feelings. Like pot makes you kind of lethargic, generically care-free. But that doesn't last long, not to mention it's expensive. I started being so lazy and really only looked forward to smoking or only looked forward to doing things AFTER smoking. I didn't finish school w/my class among other things. Now I'm 27 and a mom. I've done a 180 for my life and am extremely content. No more smoking-anything-and I'm eating right, exercizing. I don't do drugs, but I do have a couple of drinks now and then.
When these outside chemicals make their way into your body they kind of take over your natural chemicals--drown them out--and distorts your view on things and eventually on life. You do better working for your happiness instead of an instant-gratifying, false happiness.
You seem like someone who will be very proud of yourself in the long run if you pull yourself out of this situation. The company you're keeping is the wrong crowd for you. I'm not saying toss them away and not have another thought, if they're your friends for other reasons besides the bf. But put yourself out there and make friends that'r more your style. You'll be much happier not having to fret over pot. There's much more important things to use a smart brain for. Let's keep it smart, not fried!!
Hi Mannie,
