tripleair

I've been on hydrocodone for 5 years. I finally woke up when I realized my first baby was about to be born and I was going to be high for the delivery coming up in about 10 days.

I actually travelled to the middle of Asia and the Russian Federation for 7 weeks to get off the hydros. I know I'm lucky I could do that but because NO pills were available when I was most vulnerable as they don't have them there, and I detoxed and got clean and past my 10 day quit record.

Now I'm home. I have tough days sometimes as it has only been 40 days since I quit. My problem is feeling normal in my own house because this is where I used the most, and everything I see reminds me of the high.....like my stash areas, and even going on the computer reminds of getting high as would pop pills and surf the internet all day.

My question is simple. Why am I feeling like I'm going through withdrawal again after over a month off the hydro? Is is some psychological association with home and having the possiblity of the pills available?

I almost broke and tried to order from my internet sources, but they ALL werer in trouble with the feds. That tells me something positive that maybe the easy buys are finally coming to an end. I also felt like it was kind of a divine intervention because NONE of my sources that day had anything for me and I took this as a sign from the universe it was time to quit.

I feel so lost sometimes and unmotivated. The simplest things that were fun to do when I was high now seem tedious and boring. I know this will pass as I get used to life sober..........it is just hard to believe it will ever happen.

I'm trying everybody. I am deternined to hold out through these bad days. For those of you in my situation........quiting is easy, staying quit is hard, I wish you well and want to tell you are not alone.

If anyone knows what I can do to stave off this withdrawal/depression thing, I'm all ears.

Best,
Tripleair