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Old 10-04-2007, 11:05 AM   #1
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sue19 HB User
Question how to deal ...

My boyfriend abuses alcohol - his parents and I, along with everyone else, have always thought he was an alcoholic just b/c when he drinks he doesn't know when to stop. He recently just went to a new psychiatrist to help him with some of his anxiety/depression problems that he has that have developed from his misuse of drugs & alcohol when he was younger. The new doctor told him she didn't think that he was an alcoholic, just that he abused alcohol to cover up his feelings & emotions.

We have been together for 3 years - when we first started dating, for the first year 1/2, he didn't drink at all, he had just gotten out of rehab for a horrible drug/alcohol addiction he couldn't beat himself. After that time, he started drinking adn stuff again and we split, just because I can't handle the person he becomes when he drinks. His moods, personality, and everything change. We got back together about 8 months later when he finally realized what he was doing to his family and our relationship, and decided once again to quit the problem. However, since we've been back toghether (almost a year now) he has slipped up several times and lied to me about drinking. I can usually count on it to happen about once every two months, almost like it constantly repeats itself in the way it happens, and the time that it happens.

I don't agree with his behavior, AT ALL. However, I do love him, and want to be there for him. He is seeking professional help for his issues that tend to make him want to drink, so he is trying, but I get so down & discouraged thinking that sometimes I wonder if it will always be this way, knowing that we both plan to be married to one another in the near future, and I dont' want to have to live with the thought of this happening to me over and over again. I don't want to give up on him or us, but does anyone have any advice out there to give me on how to deal? It's not a problem most of the time, except for when it happens again. I feel like if I didn't act so horribly to him about it when he slips and messes up, that it might make things better. Instead I tend to throw big fits, threatening to break up if the behavior doesn't stop, and so forth. I know this isn't healthy, and on the inside knowing that I love him and want to be there for him to help him make it through this and be completely sober again (because I know he can do it), I feel like I'm not handling the situation well, and dont' know where to turn to for help? I want to be understanding and supportive, but at the same time let him know that it's NOT O.K.

Someone please help me!!!!

 
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Old 10-04-2007, 11:24 AM   #2
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rosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB Userrosebuddy HB User
Re: how to deal ...

This is the best advice you can get: Al-anon. It is a beautiful program. You learn how to live your own life, to detach, to make wise decisions, it is a program for how live. My close friend goes and she just loves it. Her dad is an alcoholic. She is 49 years old. I am in AA and i recently relapsed because i started abusing my pain pills again and that always leads to relapse. a drug is a drug. But i am sober today and clean today and i know the answer for me is in AA. I am detoxing now and plan to go to my home group on Friday. I miss it. I miss my friends. I hope that you'll check out al-anon. Go to 6 meetings before you make a decision as to whether to continue. Go to different ones. I hope the best for you. I grew up with an alcoholic father and he was always swearing off and then drinking again. My mom would get so mad at him and yell and be angry with us kids too. It is just no way to live. He got sober when she stopped playing policeman and started building her own life. She went back to college and got a degree and a good job and by god he straightened up. It took rehab, but he did it and he has been sober 19 years.

 
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