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Old 10-06-2007, 12:05 PM   #1
JCS JCS is offline
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Don't know what to title this

Hello,
I have been clean of a bad habit of 15-25 vicodin or percocet per day now for about two and half years

But lately I have been thinking about them alot, At work sometimes I just want to be high...........(I can do that because it is my small company)
When I get home at night I feel the same way

On the weekends its the worst

I hope I am just going though a phase, because the last thing I want to do is go though that hell again, and it was HELL

I use to feel lucky that I was able to kick such a bad habit, but lately I don't know

I hope this feeling dosen't last long, because I am about to go out of my mine

Good luck to all

Last edited by JCS; 10-06-2007 at 12:09 PM.

 
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Old 10-06-2007, 12:37 PM   #2
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Do you now take or have you ever taken suboxone?

 
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Old 10-06-2007, 02:02 PM   #3
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Re: Don't know what to title this

JCS,

You've come this far - and have done SO well. Just think about your life over the last two years, and that should be all the encouragement you need

Good luck - I know you can do this.

Hugs,
emsmom

 
Old 10-06-2007, 04:30 PM   #4
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Thank-you.................and no I don't think I need sub because I am clean

 
Old 10-06-2007, 05:25 PM   #5
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Find an N.A. meeting in your area and go...

 
Old 10-06-2007, 05:52 PM   #6
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Quote:
Originally Posted by JCS View Post
Thank-you.................and no I don't think I need sub because I am clean
Maybe you don't need sub, I hope you don't. But subs keep you from the cravings too. Many "clean" people get on sub to lose the cravings. Even though their bodies have been detoxed from the opiates for a long time, they still crave them and sub helps with that. Just a suggestion. You need to do what's best for you. Way to go for being clean so long, that is simply amazing!

 
Old 10-06-2007, 05:59 PM   #7
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvbnclean View Post
Maybe you don't need sub, I hope you don't. But subs keep you from the cravings too. Many "clean" people get on sub to lose the cravings. Even though their bodies have been detoxed from the opiates for a long time, they still crave them and sub helps with that. Just a suggestion. You need to do what's best for you. Way to go for being clean so long, that is simply amazing!
I agree with luvbnclean, my daughter detoxed her body but the cravings were still there, she is on 3rd month of sub and cravings are gone. Maybe it could be a short program for you to get you through this part in your life along with na. has there been anything you can think of that has recently triggered why you were using in the past?
You have come along way and it is great that you are asking for help and support, so you are in the right track.
good luck,
tami

 
Old 10-06-2007, 07:05 PM   #8
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Hello JCS

I was just stopping into the board to try and catch up a bit with my friends here. Your thread certainly caught my attention... and your words on it almost made my heart skip a beat. No way are you needing to go back on any kind of opiate at all... none. You are far into recovery to need any drug-based fix here.

While it has not occured to me, I can see how easily we can start up with stinking thinking the farther into recovery we travel. Especially if we travel in recovery without ever-enforcing the thoughts that led us to recovery to begin with, JCS. Our lives were crap on the drugs... that is why we make the super human effort to get off and stay off.

Fight the thoughts with the same committment as when yopu were going through detox and withdrawal. Reaffirm WHY you wanted to stop. Perhaps we will never again capyure the same joy as initially when we realized we could have joy in life again, but for me, I will never forget what it was like not to have joy in my life. It was horrible, a torment, an existance with no life in it.

What tools did you use to find recovery? Use them again! Use your experience, your knowledge, and get yourself re-committed, Friend.

JCS, you are heavy on my mind. Keep strong the words from Jules... get to an NA meeting. Even if that was not a tool for you before, I believe it might be the exact tool needed right now. You stay strong, JCS, and know how much we all care that you remain so. You are worth too much, have come too far, have too much knowledge to fall.

With prayer and hope
reach

 
Old 10-06-2007, 07:34 PM   #9
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Re: Don't know what to title this

JCS, I just don't know what to say- wow- 2 1/2 yrs clean and you still have the cravings. I'm 5 weeks off hydro - took much lower doses than you did. 2, sometimes 4 a day for 2 yrs. My physical withdrawal is gone but I still crave them terribly. It scares me that after all that time, strong cravings can come back. Besides the other advise offered, can you do something like jog or workout when you feel these cravings. I've never been a jogger but hear that they get a euphoria from it. Please give me hope and let me know how you are getting rid of the cravings. I can't stand much more of this myself. I know this post is not about me, but all of us need you to stay clean so people like myself have some hope for a happy life without drugs.
JB

 
Old 10-07-2007, 03:25 AM   #10
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Re: Don't know what to title this

JCS,

I can SO relate to your post, I have been 2 years clean off Norco as of May 18th but still, when I go to Rite Aid, just walking in the door triggers the cravings.

You are definitely NOT alone, last week a girl at work was in a car accident, thankfully she was not injured fatally, just banged up, but she came in Friday and was standing next to me her arm in a sling and a script in her hand....I just excused myself and walked away, the cravings were there.

I have only attempted one time, since detoxing, to take a Narcotic, after some dental surgery, figuring I had been clean long enough and could handle just a dose or two until the pain was tolerable.....NOT, the high was instant and fortunately I recognized I was in trouble and flushed the script, I have discussed with my Dr's what would happen if I were ever to need surgery again in the future and they have assured me, I will be kept in the hospital an extra day or two until my pain is manageable and then sent home with non narcotics, if my pain becomes unbearable, I'll be allowed to pick up a single dose from my surgeons office for pain....
Bottom line, we do what it takes to stay clean...find something, anything to keep you busy, it is SO SO SO not worth the high, to go back to square one.

Still
Me

 
Old 10-07-2007, 07:00 AM   #11
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Re: Don't know what to title this

JCS-
I wanted to chime in here because your words/situation sound familiar to me. Although your addiction was different than my husbands, the situation is still basically the same.

My husband beat an addiction to coke many, many years ago and more recently (although still several years ago) an addiction to alcohol. We also own our own business. From your post, it looks like you own a business.

Anyway- my husband never speaks of the coke, BUT even though he has been alcohol free for several years, he occassionally hits a little spot where stress and life starts to get to him and he starts "craving" a drink. He doesn't hide this from me and speaks openly about it which is a good thing. Plus- he knows that I will NEVER allow him to take even a sip- period. He hasn't taken a drink of any kind since he quit cold turkey.

When he hits these times and starts talking about how his body just wants 1 beer, or just one shot, he forces himself to push those thoughts away. Yes, he talks with me about it so he can get it off his chest and out in the open, but then he knows that this is where those thoughts have to end. I admire his strength and honesty.

I don't know what to say to you other than you are not alone. Your brain is trying to trick you into feeling a false sense of security that one pill would be ok and that you can control it. Please do not listen to that because it is NOT the truth. You have come a LONG way in these past 2 years and you can not afford to just throw all your hard work and resolve away because of this thought process. Force your mind to move in a different direction because these thoughts will pass, ok???

The fact that you trusted everyone enough here to post your thoughts and concerns is a good thing. It means that you know inside that this thought pattern is not healthy, so you looked for support from those you know would help you work through this. That is a positive thing!

Last edited by ozzybug; 10-07-2007 at 07:06 AM.

 
Old 10-07-2007, 11:50 AM   #12
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Re: Don't know what to title this

NOOOOOOOOO SUB. you just have too much time on your hands. Find a new hobby, go to meetings, get another sponsor to do stuff with, exercise, etc.. Find something else to do besides think about how you want to be high. That one time will turn into the complete same nightmare that you were in before. Good luck and stay strong. I am trying to stay clean and it is killing me too, I just stay on the boards and keep reading. I envy your 2 and a half years and you truly are an inspiration to us all. Maybe you should become a sponsor?????

 
Old 10-07-2007, 10:53 PM   #13
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Re: Don't know what to title this

JCS,

I have to agree with "startingover" - No Suboxone. You don't need it. I think we (addicts) will always have those thoughts in the back of our minds, for the rest of our life. We're addicts, and the memories are not going to go away just because we stopped using.

However, you have come a long way - and should be SO proud of yourself and your accomplishments - but not scared just because you've been thinking about it a little more these days. I'm sure its completely normal.

So, with that said, stop worrying and accept the fact that its going to happen, but you're a better person now, and you know the difference

Thank you for your story - I'm sure I'll be in your shoes in the future. I'll just have to remember my own advice

Take care, and be strong - you've already proved you are (strong).

All the best,
Hugs,
emsmom

Last edited by emsmom; 10-07-2007 at 10:54 PM.

 
Old 10-08-2007, 01:36 PM   #14
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Thank you all,

I am doing a little better now.........I have not given in and do not plan to

I can not go though all that crap I went though to get clean again

So I think for now I will be fine

Thank you again it is nice to know you guys are out there

If I can help you just ask

Last edited by JCS; 10-08-2007 at 01:37 PM.

 
Old 11-09-2007, 11:07 AM   #15
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Re: Don't know what to title this

Quote:
Originally Posted by jules3 View Post
Find an N.A. meeting in your area and go...
Or an AA meeting. Either can work.

It is the cheapest support you can get. Whenever I crave I find a meeting and call my sponsor.

 
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