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Old 10-15-2007, 10:13 AM   #1
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I can't live without speed...maybe.

My drug of choice is dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine). I live in the Chicago area, and meth isn't popular around here and I couldn't ever find it when I was looking. I've been scripted Dexedrine 75mg for a long time. If you don't know what Dexedrine is, it's the stuff that the guy took in the movie "Walk The Line". 75mg is equal to 15 of those tablets.

When I got clean, I continued to take it by prescription. One day I wasn't sure if I took a double dose or not (ether accidentally or on purpose...), so i decided to binge on it. I told my doctor about it and she stopped scripting it to me. She might start again, now that i'm clean again.

I yawn constantly, i'm always tired, i can barely hear people when they talk to me (horrible focus), i'm overeating and gaining weight, i feel horrible all the time physically, i have such low energy, and socially i'm different and less talkative.

If I were to start taking it again, I'm sure I wouldn't relapse. I'm still able to recover while taking it (I've changed A LOT in the four months that i've been in the program). I still feel the same way as I did while I was taking it before, because I'm taking THREE pharmaceutical drugs to make up for the amphetamine, and they give me so many more side effects that remind me of speed (jaw clenching, eyes bugging around).

I have a sleeping disorder and have to take some kind of stimulant. I think amphetamine is the only option. I'm 100% convinced that I NEED IT.

I've talked to a lot of recovering addicts about it and they never know what to say, because they haven't been in the same situation.

Any comments?

Sorry for the long post. Thanks.

This kind of a post probably shouldn't be posted in a recovery forum. If it triggers anyone, I apologize.

 
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Old 10-15-2007, 10:35 AM   #2
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

Hey Marc:
I looked up the name of that medication, and it said the MAX dose is 60mg. So the 75mg sounds like your taking too much.
I don't know what to say to your post. What type of sleeping disorder do you have? Narcolepsy? That is one thing it's prescribed for.
And if you have that, then i completely understand the need for something to keep you awake......but it sounds to me like you just like the amphetamine part of it. I completely understand that it is frustrating with taking meds. and them causing side-effects. It sucks and its hard to find ones that the benefits outway the side-effects.
But one thing that i'm sure you know, is that the aphetamines are not good for you. Especially if u are in recovery and bcuz of the fact that you either intentionally, or accidentally overdosed "on purpose".
Amphetamines cause a vicious cycle.....it even says so on the info. i brought up on that drug. Bcuz once they start wearing off, u feel like crap, and only feel better once u take another dose. So it's VERY VERY hard to be an addict and be able to take drugs like that as prescribed. But...your being prescribed a large dose that is still more than the recommended doseage. So your taking more than recommended anyways.
It's your decision ultimately and u have to decide what's best for you. But i remember when i was addicted to Adderall, and even though i was taking it as prescribed (even though i didn't have ADD), i was slowly dying inside.
I had MAJOR anger, bursts of screaming at family, lost weight, never slept, always irritable, very very depressed. I didn't even realize how it was affecting me until i went to rehab and came off it. I had no clue of how i was behaving and how that had a hold on me. I'm sickened still to this day about the way i behaved towards loved ones, and how out of it i was.
I would say "im going to go to bed early tonight"....and next thing i knew it was 4am and i'd have nothing to account for what i'd done that had taken me SO long to get into bed. I was literally out of my mind.
And that drug your speaking of, is also used for ADD.....so please be careful!
You obviously have a medical condition that needs something and some kind of treatment. I just dont' know if that med. is your best choice.
I'd look into your condition maybe online, and see what's out there.
Amphetamines can destroy your life. It's only a band-aid to the current issue, and can leave u with nothing and no one if your not careful.
Good luck and God Bless.

 
Old 10-15-2007, 10:52 AM   #3
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie0704;325***9
Hey Marc:
I looked up the name of that medication, and it said the MAX dose is 60mg. So the 75mg sounds like your taking too much.
I don't know what to say to your post. What type of sleeping disorder do you have? Narcolepsy? That is one thing it's prescribed for.
And if you have that, then i completely understand the need for something to keep you awake......but it sounds to me like you just like the amphetamine part of it. I completely understand that it is frustrating with taking meds. and them causing side-effects. It sucks and its hard to find ones that the benefits outway the side-effects.
But one thing that i'm sure you know, is that the aphetamines are not good for you. Especially if u are in recovery and bcuz of the fact that you either intentionally, or accidentally overdosed "on purpose".
Amphetamines cause a vicious cycle.....it even says so on the info. i brought up on that drug. Bcuz once they start wearing off, u feel like crap, and only feel better once u take another dose. So it's VERY VERY hard to be an addict and be able to take drugs like that as prescribed. But...your being prescribed a large dose that is still more than the recommended doseage. So your taking more than recommended anyways.
It's your decision ultimately and u have to decide what's best for you. But i remember when i was addicted to Adderall, and even though i was taking it as prescribed (even though i didn't have ADD), i was slowly dying inside.
I had MAJOR anger, bursts of screaming at family, lost weight, never slept, always irritable, very very depressed. I didn't even realize how it was affecting me until i went to rehab and came off it. I had no clue of how i was behaving and how that had a hold on me. I'm sickened still to this day about the way i behaved towards loved ones, and how out of it i was.
I would say "im going to go to bed early tonight"....and next thing i knew it was 4am and i'd have nothing to account for what i'd done that had taken me SO long to get into bed. I was literally out of my mind.
And that drug your speaking of, is also used for ADD.....so please be careful!
You obviously have a medical condition that needs something and some kind of treatment. I just dont' know if that med. is your best choice.
I'd look into your condition maybe online, and see what's out there.
Amphetamines can destroy your life. It's only a band-aid to the current issue, and can leave u with nothing and no one if your not careful.
Good luck and God Bless.
Yeah, the max dose is 60mg. But doctors can raise max doses on drugs if they think it's necessary, it's legal and it's common. I know someone on 80mg Dexedrine. Doctors usually will increase the dose on Amphetamine to above 60mg, because after 60mg, they have to put you on Methamphetamine, and doctors don't like to do that...

Dexedrine is like Adderall, only it's a lot more pure and clear. In high doses, Adderall will make you breathe heavily and sweat a lot, and Dexedrine wont. It has a lot of abuse potential. The 75mg Dexedrine is equal roughly to 150mg Adderall.

I know all of the drugs available for treatment. I've researched the condition, and all of the drugs, thoroughly. I have only two choices:

1. Take three drugs that make me feel like i'm not myself at all, have a lot of side effects, and feel absolutely horrible, and spend hundreds of dollars on prescription drugs yearly.

2. Take one drug(Dexedrine) that makes me feel like myself, has no ugly side effects, costs 15$ a month, enables me to live life like a normal human being.

This is why I made the title of this thread "I can't live without speed". Because it's honestly the ONLY OPTION I HAVE.

If I relapse, it means that for about a month I start planning it out in my head, and that I go into a ton of denial, and I notice it all happening LONG before the relapse happens. I know how to stay clean and my entire life is recovery. Taking this drug increases my chances of relapse by 0%. It's like saying "You can't go into grocery stores because you will see the liquor department. Instead of buying grocery's, eat mcdonalds 24/7".

 
Old 10-15-2007, 12:01 PM   #4
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maggie0704 HB User
Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

I'm a little confused here. If you feel that your 100% sure of what your doing, then why post "I can't live without speed.....MAYBE"
To me that was you not being sure if you can or can't live without this med.
But you've done your research, and you've found this is the only way.
So I was just trying to give you my opinion, like u asked. It's like you came on and wrote that to get justification or something. And then when I gave some resistance against the med., u shot back as to why you have no other choice. If this is how you feel, then u need no justification for your feelings. Feeling are feelings.....and only you know what it is like to be in your shoes.
Anyways, I wish you luck and hope you feel better and back to normal soon.

 
Old 10-15-2007, 12:57 PM   #5
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

I'm confused also. I used to love speed in my younger days. Could party all night, drink and not get drunk, kept the weight down due to lack of appetite,, etc. But when taking speed one thing I could not do was sleep. So I don't really know what kind of sleep disorder you have but if the dr is prescribing it for you, I guess it's justified. So, like Maggie, I'm confused as to what you are looking for. Someone to tell you it's okay to take speed the rest of you life and that you won't get out of control. Afraid you're not going to find that response on this site. I hope you find peace.
Best wishes,
JB

 
Old 10-15-2007, 02:10 PM   #6
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

Sorry, everyone. Yeah, I don't really know what i'm asking.

The reason why I said "maybe", was because a lot of recovering addicts tell me that they thought they had a physical need for their drugs (benzos, speed...etc).

Quote:
Originally Posted by granny0 View Post
But when taking speed one thing I could not do was sleep. So I don't really know what kind of sleep disorder you have but if the dr is prescribing it for you, I guess it's justified.
Well, I sleep enough hours. But I don't get restful enough sleep. I have something like narcolepsy, i guess. I never really went to a sleep specialist, because i'm assuming sleep specialist would take a lot of money and time and not do anything for me. My doctor told me the same thing pretty much.

I fall asleep uncontrollably, I can't focus at all because i'm always tired, i'm never alert, and i'm slightly overweight, etc. Speed corrects all of that stuff.

 
Old 10-15-2007, 02:16 PM   #7
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

Hey Marc,
Have you ever heard of Vyvance (lisdexamfetamine dimesylate). I recently was prescribed it for the same symptons you described and it is working well for me. It comes in 30,50, and 70 mgs. I take two 50 mgs per day. This drug has a much lower potential for abuse becasuse it is not metabolized to amphetamine status until it is digested and passes through the live and large intestine. This means it is not an active amphetamine when you put it in your mouth but rather a precursor that is metabolized into amphetamine after digested .... nonetheless, still the real deal. Regardless, it cannot be snorted or used any other way besides the prescribed method because if it is ...... it will do NOTHING. It is also long acting so you don't have the ups and downs of the other ADD meds wearing off and inducing cravings for another dose. Now, with that being said, people who are used to popping pills can still be tempted to take additional doses just out of sheer bad habits but it is much easier to stave off that impulsive behavior with this medicine.... for me at least. Ask your doctor about it. Also, it claims not to have a build in your system or to develop tolerances which lead to the need to take more for the same effect. Sounds too good to be true I know. I just started it a week ago but so far, so good. Just a suggestion if you must take amphetamines..... perhaps this is an option with the potential to minimize collateral damages. Good luck ! By the way, the Vyvance company is GIVING away free 30 day samples. Isn't that the same method that drug pushers use on the street ? ..Just kidding. Best wishes.........ms1

 
Old 10-16-2007, 07:12 AM   #8
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Re: I can't live without speed...maybe.

yeah, I actualy take vyvanse 70mg. haha. and wellbutrin. and soon i'll probably start taking provigil...

but okay. i can barely stay awake during the day with vyvanse and wellbutrin... and at night i can't stay asleep. i wake up every couple of hours, and eat a lot of food so that i can stay asleep again... so the drugs aren't doing ANYTHIGN for me.

vyvanse looks good on paper...but it gives me the same feelings i got when taking dexedrine, because it gives 0 effect and 100% side effects. 70mg vyvanse= like 20mg dexedrine. and i used to take 75mg dexedrine. and when i abuse dexedrine i take doses like 150mg+...

 
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