I changed my mind...
the psychological part isn't the worst WD symptom right now, it is the stomache cramps! I was doing fine and then got hit in the middle of the night out of no where. I almost think it might have been the sushi I had for dinner because I hadn't cut back yet and was just leveling off from my last cut back so it made no sense for me to go through that. Although I am starting to feel that my body is not my own right now, and nothing makes sense anymore with what it is doing.
At any rate, I am approaching the half way mark next week if I stay on track, although I am not going to force it if I am not ready. Thanks to REACH, taking that pressure off and going the day by day way I think made it actually easier to stay on track becase there is no guilt if I miss my scheduled cut back which seems to lead to bigger fall backs. Now I just take every day I get by without going UP as a blessing and a reward!
My anxiety is starting to get better as is my worrying. I think it is the sense of accomplishment I get when I make it through another day. I can't believe I have come as far as I have to be honest. When I first asked to be tapered, I felt that I would not be able to do it. THen I just asked whoever was listening (God, my grandmother, sprit guides, the Easter Bunny...whoever is out there) to help me. I just surrendered myself. The HARDEST part was making that first cut back. (so far anyway) But it worked. I am not a religious person, but I am spiritual, and I really feel that someone is helping me. I feel pretty strong right now, like a huge weight is lifting off my shoulders. I just wanted to say that for all those of you struggling out there, if I can make the first step you can! I am not the strongest person in the world. But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. If you just make some progress, no matter how small, the good feeling that comes from it is so amazing.
I am parying every day that I can make it to the end. Oh and then I just have the rest of my life to try and stay off....but compared to the stomache cramps....that should be a piece of cake.