Had an experince involving painkillers this weekend that I thought I would share with my friends here. I ended up in the emergency room on Saturady with severe.. really severe.... sharp pain in my waist area of the back into my hip. after 11 hours of poking, prodding and all kinds of testing, the diagnosis was multiple... episode of diverticulitis, a severe urinary tract infection and a pinched nerve in the lower back.
I was straight up in the initial info taking and told them I had come off all opiates and Xanax as well in the past year. It took 6 hours to make the diagnoses and I was in pretty tormenting pain the whole time. Finally, the doctor talked with me and said that I was going to need someting really strong to get the pain down to a tolerable level. I asked that he make a courtesy call to my primary care doctor (which I had agreed to always do if I found myself in this kind of situation). I ended up having three shots of high dose morphine pumped into me over the next five-six hours. The morphine did not eliminate the pain actually, but it calmed me down and toom the edge off enough so that I could think straight and handle it. I was sent home with 20 vicodine. I took them sparingly on sunday. On Sunday night, I was having a bad reaction to one of the antibioatics I had been put on and began vomiting violently. Ended up in an emergency visit to my primary care doctor and that one antibiotic dose was changed. (It is metronidazole which is known to cause some violent reactions).
My doctor said not to take the vivodin anymore... not because of past issues, but because opiate pain relievers slow down the metaabolism and that would not let the antibiotics work as fast as they could. Now that was an interesting fact to learn. Anyway, he gave me an anti-inflammatory to help with the pinched nerve ( the muscles in that area are tight and swollen). So I am taking that and no opiate painkiller.
And you know what? I have no desire to take the vicoden that are left. I have given them to my husband and do not care that they are available. I will have him just dispose of them.
Thinking can change and for me it seems it has. I don't have the desire to use the vicoden just to "escape." I know the sources of the pain and that helps me to deal with it. Within a couple of days, the antibiotics should work their magic and much of the pain should be gone. I will deal with the pinched nerve through physical therapy if necessary and through an anti-inflammatory.
I wanted to share this because I know many of us fear that a time will come when drugs for pain might become necessary. I know now that I will be okay whenever this might happen now. I have more knowledge now about opiates and such. They are addictive. I crossed a line and abused them before. I can never do this again. If I must use them, then it must be with great caution and supervised. I must always let all doctors know up front of my past issues with opiates and Xanax. Nothing less, ever, than full disclosure. My committment to what I have learned this past year worked for me. I am relieved and happy about this.
So, that is what I wanted to share... that I was hit with an unexpected medical crisis, but made it through just fine. Being armed with knowledge is important. We must always stay armed with it to combat the drug issues we have, or are, going through.
REACH - Glad your doing better and congrats to you for being strong enough to be honest about your history with opiates & TELLING them first. Second for not giving a *D* about the Vicoden! GOOD FOR YOU!
TY for sharing as I was concerned about this too someday.....fyi- it's day 3 for me with no opiates
Thanks for sharing that with us. It is something that I've worried about also. I hope you are recovering from your variety of health issues and won't have any more. You sure got more than your share with that experience! And way to go with your strong will and honesty with the medical staff. You are awesome!
Best wishes for good health,
Reach --you are human and they created Opiates to help for the exact reason you used them. Extreme pain. We abused that option and we have paided and learned dearly from it. That fact that you have grasp the real use of opiates and have made it through this BUMP in the road is not only a victory, but is a HUGE landmark in your recovery. I envy where u are at. You have accepted that u are an addict and have used the medicine for its REAL purpose. Congrats. You continue to teach and be a role model for us all
Your post reminds me of how I used to be, long before the opiate addiction got it's icy grip on me. I abused meth and coke in my twenties, but came clean for a long time (15 yrs or so). I felt the same way about addictive drugs and was very careful about not taking them.
It is with careless, mindless, stupidity that I relapsed into opiate abuse about three years ago. All it took was one vicodin, a small dose of self-pity, and I was hooked, again.
I will be at that point where you are now in recovery sometime down the road. Thanks for reminding me of the healing that comes from our Higher power. God bless you; he has blessed us with you (smiles).
hi reach, I'm so happy for you that you've come to this self-realization. Do you remember some time back when a dental issue had me taking a handful of vicodin? (one at a time, of course =) I was so down on myself, I almost let it defeat me mentaly. I sure wish I had your wisdom back then, and your perspective. Some of these drugs are necessary and when used properly, can be very helpful. It's our mind-set, isn't it? Your brilliant, reach. (lightbulb moment, pardon me...) I had such a hard time back then because I wasn't thinking about it right. Wow, I think i'm really getting there....
enough about me =) You continue to be an inspiration, thanks.
take care of yourself, jkm
I was just reading over this thread and thinking about things. It is so good to hear from my wonderful old friends and to meet some new ones.
Something mk7657 and jkm wrote really struck me. Thejkm wrote about coming down hard on herself when Vicoden was used for dental pain. mk wrote about a little self-pity being the trigger for getting hooked again. It made me think about the emotions in using the drugs. I think some of us sometimes fear the emotion of self-failure... that somehow we aren't up to a challenge. I think in general every single one of us on this board are very emotional people, whether we are open about it or try to hide it and stuff feelings down. We so fear getting 'stuck' in an emotion that we turn to pills and do exactly what we don't want to do... get stuck in an emotion that we don't believe we can deal with. And when we use the pills, we attribute our feeling 'okay' to the pills when actually all the pills do is to mask what we are trying to stuff down.
I probably sound like I am going in circles here. Sorry. Long-winded, as usual, I really do have a point. In reading this thread, it came to my mind how much the thoughts of my friends have bearing on something that happened to me on Tuesday night. Out of the blue, I lost my job. I have never lost a job in my life. It was a real blow to me. I had taken a job that was going great and seemed so perfect for me. 3 hours a day supervising 3 grammer school kids after school and getting supper started for the family. Everything was going great with the family and me. The kids and I had a ball together everyday and I would do cooking things with them liked baked apples. I was like a paid Grandma and it suited me wonderfully well. Then one of the kids got a cold that turned to pneumonia. My boss called and said she was going to be staying home with him for the week and not to come. Then she went on to say that, although we had made an oral agreement before I even started, she now did not want to pay me anything at all when she stayed home with the kids. I reminded her I was not a casual babysitter and that we had discussed this thoroughly before I had ever started. I offered to split the week with her because the circumstances were a bit unususal with the kid being out for five days (I only work four days). She said "no,' her reason being that she now felt that even a one day illness with a kid should not result in my being paid when I am not there. She asked me what we should do... she wanted me to accept rules changed mid-stream ... and I responded that I just wanted to call it a wash. Job is over and here I sit.
So... emotion. Fear of failure. Failed. Anger. Hurt. Humiliation. Shock.
A year ago, this situation would have made me convince myself that my pain levels were soaring and I would honestly 'feel' the leg pain, the stomach pains, in a more pronounced way. Shooting nerve sensations would soar through my leg. The muscles everywhere would throb. So I would feel justified in taking a few extra oxycodone and of course, a Xanax. It was easy to convince myself that the nerves were jumping in the leg because of the cancer surgery and that the pains in my stomach were the scr tissue causing it. It was easy to be blind to the fact that I wanted to hide from emotional pain that was the bigger cause of my distress. THIS time, my thinking was different. I went through the emotional merry-go-round and let myself feel it. Then my thoughts began to change. I looked at the situation from a more practical, sensible angle. I had done nothing wrong. The lady was breaking our agreement, she was being unreasonable. The job is gone and my life will go on. I didn't need to fear shame and humiliation. I am not a failure. I just need to look for another job.
A draw to hide behind pills never came. I rode out the emotion and survived. I cried a little, I was angry a little, I felt self-pity a little. But I didn't have to fear any of those emotions, just allow myself to feel them and come to a conclusion. Like "Let go, let God, " you know? This is certainly not the biggest event in life, but if I can survive this, then I will be able to survive any true crisis that may come along and not hide behind pills to deal with it. Life truly is life on its own terms.
Okay, Guys... it was great to hear from each of you. Although I don't post as often anymore, the entire board is still close in my heart as always. Detoxing and withdrawal is but a step in our entire life's growth. The whole experience is one that has caused many changes in my life and I believe that the changes are good ones. No, I will never say that I would gladly go through it again to learn so much... but I will say that I take the good that resulted from the whole process and move on. We can not let drugs be what defines us... what we defines us is what we do when adversity like drug addiction comes into our lives.
bout all i can say is that its their loss and your gain.dont be surprised if she calls you in the next couple of days and wants you back.once someone did me like this i would never go back,even if offered more money.i think you made the right decision.you can find a job anywhere if you want to work.the main thing here is that you fought the addiction during a crisis and you have won another battle.reach ,all of us on here are exactly what you wrote about,we are all hiding something with the drugs even if we dont realize it at this time.good luck and let us know how it all turns out.-spark
Anyone ever tell you what a wise soul you have? Your response means a great deal to me. Helped to reconfirm my thoughst and conviction. I read all the responses you make to everyoneand so often you just pull out the biigest issue even when it is kind of hidden in a writing by a poster.
Those types of jobs can be akward in that regard. It's not exactly a corporate position, and people will try to take advantage. But, you count on your money - we all do!!
I had a "nanny" type - similar to your position -for 20 years, when I was a flight attendent. We were both reasonable when things came up, and always able to work out a solution. I would have gladly taken up your offer to split the week.
If your "boss" was a turncoat on this, there would have been other issues down the line. It's better that you found this out sooner, rather than later.
Many of my flight attendent friends looked for nanny types thru church, neighborhood bullitens, schools, and local newspapers. Maybe you could advertise your services?
You did good, on the pain issue - way to go!!!! I have some interesting news (good) on my taper, which I'll share soon in another thread. Take care, Nola
PS - we felt our nanny was a valued member of our family team, and treated her as such. Sometimes I gave - like she had an unexpected, paid, day off. SOmetimes she gave, if
my flight cancelled and I got home late, etc. Quid pro quo.