Originally Posted by fullcircle9707
Obviously, i have been thinking alot. Went for a hike yesterday(during wd's --fun huh!) and was thinking about WERE I WENT WRONG? Why do I keep falling abck into the pit of pills. I admit that I love them. I look forwrd to them and LOVE the way they make me feel. I cant seem to attach the tangible danger and bad feelings that come along with them. That confuses me. What Am I missing. It is sooooo easy to hate them during a taper detox. My hopes are this. I already know so much about this disease (or at least think i do--maybe I dont) and I have pretty much cut myself off from the pills (so happy I dont have a dealer etc) --Did I know all along last summer that I would fail again. Am i taking this disease seriously. I have a whole bunch of soul searching to do to make this work. It may sound weird, but I hope you all understand when I say that I am scared to feel better.
It's a love-hate relationship with me as well (opiates). Time and the absence of sources of drugs ended my love-hate relationship with meth, coke, cigarettes. I see that relationship, like my cigarettes, fading into the background, no longer a love-hate relationship, but a feeling of thankfullness that I don't use them and a feeling of sorrow and understanding for thost that do. That pobably doesn't make much since, but I have to go to work.
I'm sure that reach will be posting soon and reach inside herself (no pun intended ha-ha) and pull out those "soothing" and insightful thoughts of hers.