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Old 10-25-2007, 12:50 PM   #1
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imcrisi HB User
how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

 
Old 10-26-2007, 11:07 AM   #2
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

Hi Crisi,

How are you? To answer your question - only you will know how life will be. Have you tried going to al-anon meetings? They help tremendously. The main focus is helping the family of an addict, cope with whats to come.

I can't tell you how life will be - I can assume you'll be frustrated and upset, but if you love your spouse enough to help, then I suggest going to a meeting.

Good luck,
Hugs,
emsmom

 
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Old 10-26-2007, 05:31 PM   #3
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

well, i CAN tell you what it was like for me, first of all, living with my brother who was using crack at the time.... you will be waiting up nights , worried, wondering where he is. you'll never have any money, you will be frustrated, angry, sad, and in a constant state of worry and/or panic. thats what it was like living with my brother. and when i was married and living with my husband, and we were BOTH using crack it was the same way. one of us or both of us was out "copping" in the middle of the night or we were up all night using. we never had any money. we lied, cheated, stole, to get money for drugs. we eventually lost our home, went bankrupt. i ended up in prison.
i cant imagine it will be all roses for you. honey, i wish you well and i also pray that you will sit back and think long and hard and seek help before you make the decision to live with someone in active addiction.

hugs,

michelle

 
Old 10-26-2007, 07:37 PM   #4
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cram315 HB User
Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

I don't know the history of this story but if he is an addict, your life stops until he quits or you cut ties. You keep realizing that chunks of time flew by and nothing changed except the years on the calendar.

My heart goes out to you.

 
Old 10-27-2007, 02:35 PM   #5
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

All I can say is I have been a crack addict but a lucky one I guess. I realised before it was too late what I was doing to myself and those around me. I know not many addicts can see what's in front of their nose and those that do don't want to face up to it. Luckily I did and got myself off (all) the drugs and have been clean for 7 years. This is rare though and so I don't want to give any false hope.

For a more realistic view, I can tell you about an old friend of mine who was using for longer than me. I went to her wedding and back to her house after. She'd told us all that she was off the drugs. She asked me to cover for her because she said she needed time to reflect on the day, it had been hectic and she just wanted an hour by herself. As stupid as I was, I fell for it and we told her husband of only an hour that we were going to the pub for a celebratory drink together.

When we got outside she told me to go home and she'd be back at mine within an hour at which point we could go back and her husband would be none the wiser. However, an hour passed, then two and then three and still she'd not returned. Her newly wed soon called me to ask where she was, and when I told him what had really happened he was furious with me. I'm sure you can guess where this story is leading. We soon discovered that she'd gone to 'earn' some money and to score. Her poor husband had learned fast what his life was to become married to a crack addict.

 
Old 10-27-2007, 03:30 PM   #6
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

Hello

I have waited a few days before responding to your post because I did not want to be rash or harsh and I certainly don't want to hurt your feelings. I guess what I honestly want to say is why the heck would you want to know what it is like being married to a crack addict in the first place? What are you thinking????? Are you thinking????

If you are thinking that your love is going to change him, then you are not yet mature enough to get married. If you think that a crack addict is the best you can do min life, then please, please get some counseling to understand the worth of yourself as a woman and partner.

Marriage is a partnership between two people who intend to build a life together. What kind of life do you want? It won't be a normal or a happy one if you are seriously considering this guy as your soul mate for life.

I just keep shaking my head here as I write. If you were my daughter, I would be sobbing if she ever asked me this question. As a mature woman, I am sad to think there is a young woman out here who would ever feel the need to ask this question. I don't know what hurts you have endured in life that have brought you to the point of feeling a crack addict would ever be a choice for you. Whatever your life has been up to this point does not have to be the rest of your life. Be a counselor if you want to help people. But please, don't knowingly enter into a partnership with someone whose life is so obviously screwed up.

reach

 
Old 11-01-2007, 11:16 AM   #7
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

Reach, well said. I was hoping she came back to post.

To put it in a nutshell. I wouldn't wish what I have gone through with my son on my worst enemy. (Currently he is doing fine by the way, but times change all the time.)

 
Old 11-01-2007, 12:14 PM   #8
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Re: how is life going to be married to a crack addict?

I think that the very fact that you asked the question says that you already know. It will not get any better than it is now. It will probably get worse. The sleepless nights that your spouse has will become yours. The only difference is, you won't be high.

You will be sad, angry, scared and embaressed, all in the same moment. You will feel the need to help, the need to cover. His lies will become yours because you wont want anyone to know.

I was with someone for 3 years who was a crack addict and by the time I finally moved away I was 15lbs underweight from stress, worry and no money for food. I worked got a paycheck but more often than not the money somehow came up missing. The worst part of it was, after the binges he would go through the "I am such a terrible person, you are so good" speech. I dreaded it. I just kept wishing he would leave. But why would he? He was getting free money from me.

The stories, I could write a book! Don't fall into the trap that this person needs you and that you may be able to change him. It won't happen until he is ready.

My hope is with you!

 
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