| | Thank you
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="Indigo"]First off, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posted a reply to my question.
This was the first time i used this site and i wasn't sure what to expect.
I feel very encouraged today after reading all your kind words!
Everyone had the same theme in their reply, "That i can do it!"
Second, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, And i keep wondering how this one little pill can take control over so many people's lives.
I feel like I have become another person all because of this stupid drug. What it comes down to is that it doesn't matter why I originally starting taking it. It is where i ended up. And i ended up becoming addicted.
I feel like i lost my innocence. (if that makes any sense). I have become a person that i do not like anymore. And it is really sad to be honest with myself and say that and to even write that. But I feel that i need to start being honest with me and to see what it has done to me.
I always thought that by taking it that i had more energy, was funnier, worked better, made me not depressed, etc, etc. But at the end of the day and i run out of them i see it for what it really is....
I take anit-depressants and i see someone, but i always make excuses as to why they don't work. And now i am just beginning to realize that for what it really is. (Excuses) I don't give them time to work, because i like, LOVE percocet too much. It is such a love - hate relationship. And it doesn't love me back.
I realized how bad i had gotten with my addiction this week when i came down with strep throat and bronchitis. My ear, nose and throat dr. (who doesn't know about this problem) called in some prescriptions for me. And one of them was a codeine cough syrup. Well, you had to see the look of pure excitement on my face when i opened the bag at home after picking up the scripts and seeing the bottle. I all but thought it was christmas!! Then my old self kicked in and said this is not normal. You should not be excited over a bottle of cough syrup. But i was. And all day long i sat in a happy stupor smoking ciggarettes. (great for bronchitis right) Lying to myself about the reasons why i take it and why i can't stop.
So i realized i need to stop the crap. Because out of all the lies i tell to people, i seem to lie to myself the most.
Thank you for letting me share this with all of you.