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percproblem · 10-27-2007, 06:27 PM

hi everybody,
I hope nobody minds me posting my progress, thoughts etc. on here. It just feels really good to get it out.

I went back to the psycho-pharmocologist today and talked. A LOT. He really wants me to try to taper off the percs. After speaking to him, i think this is the best way method for me as compared to other methods. I have tried before and failed. And i am really scared of failing again.

All i can say is that when i filled that script today and looked at those pills, i physically felt like an addict. I shook with relief knowing that for the next 10 days i don't have to go crazy looking for them. (that is if i can stick to the plan of only taking 3 day for the next 10 days).

How do i do this though? WHen everything else in my life seems to be going so wrong? I once again make excuses and say, "oh i had such a bad day, i will take an extra one, only today". But then i do the same thing the next day.

I never even taper down to 1 because i always go from a whole bottle to tons of excuses to an empty bottle. Then i live in w/d for a few days until i can find some or until it is time for my next dr. appt. so he can track my progress.

And here is a dr. who is trying to help me and i lie to him. To me.
I need to stop. I need to stick to the PLAN..... If anyone has any tips on how i can stick to the recommended tapering schedule, i would really really appreciate it.

maggie0704 · 10-27-2007, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by percproblem

hi everybody,
How do i do this though? WHen everything else in my life seems to be going so wrong? I once again make excuses and say, "oh i had such a bad day, i will take an extra one, only today". But then i do the same thing the next day.

I TOTALLY RELATE TO YOUR STATEMENT ABOVE. That is me to a "T".
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT i say "tomorrow i will lower my dose" and of course at the time i'm feeling good bcuz i have opiates fresh in my system, then in the morning when i feel as though i've been run over by a truck, I say "i'll take 2 this morning and then later tonight i'll only take 1".......well night time comes and i'm feeling like crap again bcuz the ones from morning have worn off and i'm like "well, i'll take 3 now and then try it again tomorrow".....over and over and over this happens.
This is the typical actions of an addict. And it gets to be so insane that so much time passes and each and every day that u fail (i fail) at attempting this, it just eats away at my sould and my self-worth. I begin to feel like i'm worth nothing and i'm weak and worthless. But this is the disease speaking to me, not the real ME. And what's sad is i haven't been the "real me" in so long that i can't even remember that it WAS possible to live without pain pills.
So your not alone in feeling like this.....but it is good that u atleast recognize you have a problem and are wanting to get help. I don't know what to tell u on how to stick to a tapering plan. Bcuz i've failed that so many times.
I guess it all comes down to IF your truely ready to stop the insanity. Like the saying goes:
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results........
All u can do is to (and i know this is so clique') Take ONE day at a time.
Get up in the morning, pray to your higher power for strength to do it.....and ask higher power to be with your "thoughs and actions". Then take one minute at a time if needed. And don't beat yourself up if u aren't perfect at it, it's a long hard road. But it is possible and it is reachable if U really WANT it. Good luck sweetie.

reachout · 10-27-2007, 07:13 PM

Hello Perc

Buddy, that script needs to be handed over to someone else to control. No matter how strong and convicted we might be to keep our plan in place, we always need to put safeguards in place.

Talk to your doctor about this. If you do not have someone you can trust in your personal life to be a tyrant 'keeper of your meds,' rest assured your doctor and his staff will be. Smiles. IOF you are inconvenienced goibng to his office each day for the day's supply, recognize it is a small price to pay for the chance to successfully taper off the drugs.

Wishing you well
reach

percproblem · 10-27-2007, 07:46 PM

You are absolutely right! I thought that i would be faling if i handed the bottle over to someone else. But I need to just face facts. I can not have the WHOLE bottle in my hands.

I guess no matter how much i want to stop i need to first off recognize my own limits. And i KNOW that i can not taper myself if i have all the pills on me.

I do have a terrific friend who helped me a long time ago when i tapered off. I called her the Pill ****. I just thought that for it to really work this time that i needed to do it completely on my own. I guess thats why i have been failing.

reachout · 10-27-2007, 07:48 PM

OKAY! Way TO Go!!!

We only fail ourselves, Sweetie, when we fail to take every step possible to help ourselves.

proud of you
reach

jules3 · 10-27-2007, 07:59 PM

I live in ny how can i find a physco/phararmacolist??

percproblem · 10-27-2007, 08:11 PM

The best thing to do is to call your primary doctor and ask first if he knows of anyone. IF not then look on the internet. I think i found one on the internet in all of NY. If that doesnt work then call all the major hospitals in NYC who have research programs. Most of them employ one.

And you have to specifically ask for that title. They are psychologists who specialize in pharmocology. So they delve deeper into what it is that presciption and non script drugs actually do to your brain on a cellular/molecular level. They also take a much deeper look into your family history and background regarding depression and genetic disorders.

For me, when i spoke to psychologists i felt like they couldnt relate to me or to why i was chemically dependent on percocet.

But speaking to a doctor is definately a step in the right direction!

I wish you luck!

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