Originally Posted by percproblem
How do i do this though? WHen everything else in my life seems to be going so wrong? I once again make excuses and say, "oh i had such a bad day, i will take an extra one, only today". But then i do the same thing the next day.
I TOTALLY RELATE TO YOUR STATEMENT ABOVE. That is me to a "T".
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT i say "tomorrow i will lower my dose" and of course at the time i'm feeling good bcuz i have opiates fresh in my system, then in the morning when i feel as though i've been run over by a truck, I say "i'll take 2 this morning and then later tonight i'll only take 1".......well night time comes and i'm feeling like crap again bcuz the ones from morning have worn off and i'm like "well, i'll take 3 now and then try it again tomorrow".....over and over and over this happens.
This is the typical actions of an addict. And it gets to be so insane that so much time passes and each and every day that u fail (i fail) at attempting this, it just eats away at my sould and my self-worth. I begin to feel like i'm worth nothing and i'm weak and worthless. But this is the disease speaking to me, not the real ME. And what's sad is i haven't been the "real me" in so long that i can't even remember that it WAS possible to live without pain pills.
So your not alone in feeling like this.....but it is good that u atleast recognize you have a problem and are wanting to get help. I don't know what to tell u on how to stick to a tapering plan. Bcuz i've failed that so many times.
I guess it all comes down to IF your truely ready to stop the insanity. Like the saying goes: The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results........
All u can do is to (and i know this is so clique') Take ONE day at a time.
Get up in the morning, pray to your higher power for strength to do it.....and ask higher power to be with your "thoughs and actions". Then take one minute at a time if needed. And don't beat yourself up if u aren't perfect at it, it's a long hard road. But it is possible and it is reachable if U really WANT it. Good luck sweetie.