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Old 11-02-2007, 10:47 PM   #1
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cwolves HB User
Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

I'm going to try and write this as unbiased as I possibly can...I want to know if I did the right thing here, if I should undo it...

My wife and I are currently split up (we separated in march) and I just forcefully took something away from her...

My wife has been playing a video game called World of Warcraft for about 2 years now and she's, in my mind, very addicted to it. I know many people think that video game addictions are a joke, but bear with me...

I bought the game around 2 years ago and since it requires a monthly fee we only bought one account to see if we would like it. We took turns playing and it quickly got to the point where one of us was almost always playing. After 2 months or so I quit because I didn't like where things had gotten, although I did enjoy playing and it bothered me for several days not to. I didn't think that it was a big deal that she kept playing because I didn't need to anymore and we'd have time.

She kept playing and at one point I checked and over a period of maybe 6 months she had averaged >8 hours per day (7 days/week) playing. She was also a college student at the time and says she never skipped class to play. I don't know if I entirely believe that statement, but will give her the shadow of the doubt. I know that she skipped out on HW because of it and delayed projects, etc. Her grades slipped but I can't entirely attribute it to this.

I'd begged her to stop while we were still together, but she always refused to. I told her that it was destroying our relationship but she never believed me. She ignored me, her family, school, ...

Now, almost 2 years later, I'd estimate that she's spent around 3-4,000 hours or more in this game.

I've wanted to cancel the account for ages now but haven't because I was scared of the consequences. I didn't want her to end up hating me, etc.

Anyway, we split up about 7 months ago now and although I can't by any means blame the split entirely on this, I'd estimate that it was at around 30% of the problem. There were plenty of other things, many my fault.

I've kept trying to fix things over the past 7 months and made a huge mistake in the meantime that completely killed any chance we had. I drove for 2 days with a female co-worker to pick up a dog from out of state and lied to my wife about where I was on a monday when we were driving back. Nothing physical happened between me and the other person then nor since, but I have absolutely no way to prove that nor to gain my wife's trust back...

back to the issue, it's become clear to me that there is no possibility of a future between my wife and I, mainly because she is to hurt/scared to give us another chance, and I can't blame her for that.

So tonight I went ahead and canceled the account for the game. It's under my name, although she's been paying for it for the past several months. As expected, she blew up at me (via online chat - she wouldn't talk to me on the phone).

She said she hated me, that she'd never forgive me, that I was controlling her life and that it wasn't my place to do this. She then pleaded with me to just give her the account back if I cared for her, etc.

I tried explaining that in my mind this was no different from a drug addiction. That it helped destroy our marriage, etc.

She said she hated me some more and 30 minutes later I said I left and ignored her remaining hatred statements.

It should be noted that although we're not together, we've been trying to be friends with eachother and have, for the most part, succeeded at that. We go out to lunch at least 1-2 times per week, see each other several times more each week, go on day trips, etc. We get along fairly well now actually but I still do things that she hates and visa-versa.

Also, she just started a new job that has a crazy 3-11am shift. She's decided to sleep from 12-8pm so that she can play this game at nights while other people are playing. I suggested that sleeping 7pm-3am would be much healthier, that she'd get to spend more time with, you know...people, but she shunned that.


So I need to know, from unbiased sources, if you believe I did the right thing...

Also, if I did do the right thing, what do I do now...?

Last edited by cwolves; 11-02-2007 at 11:08 PM.

 
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Old 11-03-2007, 03:48 AM   #2
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Missy14 HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

My husband plays an average of 8 hours a day as well. I don't know if you did the right thing or not, but I understand your problem.

 
Old 11-03-2007, 07:58 AM   #3
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SanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB UserSanyBelle HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

Won't she just buy her own account?

 
Old 11-03-2007, 08:17 AM   #4
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wheninrome1313 HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

I play that game. So does my husband. It is very common for people to play anywhere from 4 hours to 20 hours even. My husband plays it way more than me. It is frustrating but you can;t force someone to do anything. It is the same as taking someones drugs or alcohol away. If they aren't ready to quit they will just find another way.

There is a game addicts anonymous site. It will give you more information. BUt I have to ask, have you ever thought of playing with her so you can at least see what it is all about? I play with my husband from the other room and we have a great time. You may find a common bond with her and might be able to heal some wounds.

It is a very fun game and most get sick of it after a while. But I have to say, why are you so adimate on taking it away from her. For me, right now, that game is a distraction from my WDs I am having from a taper. It helps SOOOO much when you are counting hours. My husband uses it to unwind. I would rather he play that game than hang out at bars, or drink or do drugs. Everyone needs an outlet, and I think gaming is a pretty safe one. WOW takes your mind off of everything, and it may be what she needs right now until she can figure out how she feels about her marriage. FOrcing her to quit isn't going to force her to focus on you again. Give her time. DOn;t make her hate you.

 
Old 11-03-2007, 11:17 AM   #5
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spark-o-cet HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

i think you did the right thing.now go get a full divorce and get with the dog women if yu can.your ex sounds like a nutcase,and anybody that can play a video game 8hrs a day needs to get a life and psyc. help big time.cut her off and have no contact with her from here on out.if its meant to be she will come to you if not move on to the next chick.be a player like me.good luck-spark

 
Old 11-03-2007, 11:19 AM   #6
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cwolves HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

because she doesn't do anything else, ever. She sleeps, goes to work, eats and plays one game. She ignores me, her family, her (ex) friends, ...

 
Old 11-03-2007, 07:42 PM   #7
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wheninrome1313 HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

Sparc you dog! LOL! The world already has too many players, dont listen to him! (just playing)

Give her time, she will get bored with the game, we all do. Maybe you should welcome the break, it sounds like you both need it. Not to make judgements, but most men have issues with women who do ANYThing that doesn't include them at the center of it. Men are threatened easily if a woman finds something that they like and put more time into then their man. Are you really worried about her, or just upset she isn't available to you as she once was? Don't take that the wrong way, I am just wondering why you are so upset about this when you aren't even really together anymore. What is the real issue here? DO you want to resolve things with her? IF so, give her some space, let her get past this. You will be more likely to win her back with support rather than tuff love. Consider playing with her. You can play from seperate computers and do things together. It is a futuristic version of quality time. Maybe create a character and account and dont tell her. Meet her in the game and chat with her a bit. Tell her how you made a mistake with the woman you love and you want to know how to get her back. Take her on a WOW date, then suprise her! Do you want to stay married? Suprise her and Propose to her in the game. You can even get a ring and get on one knee. (you can even have a wedding on the game) It sounds so geeky but ti is a memorable way to get her back if that is your intentions! If not, let her be. She will get through this on her own.

 
Old 11-03-2007, 08:49 PM   #8
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spark-o-cet HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

hey rome it dont hurt to dream does it lol.

 
Old 11-03-2007, 10:14 PM   #9
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emsmom HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

Hey all,

I just had to add my two cents here...

Spark, you're awesome LOL.

emsmom

 
Old 11-04-2007, 09:18 AM   #10
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wheninrome1313 HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

Spark- I guess you ARE a player! Emsmom just verified your effect on women.

(bows) we are not worthy!

 
Old 11-04-2007, 11:21 AM   #11
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spark-o-cet HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

hey when you are good you are good right?my girlfriend says im a legend in my own mind,but hey she sticks around no matter what so gotta be doin something rightroom for more.-spark

 
Old 11-04-2007, 11:45 AM   #12
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emsmom HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

LOL you are TOO much spark kudos to your girlfriend for putting up with you!!

 
Old 11-04-2007, 11:52 AM   #13
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spark-o-cet HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

as elvis would say; THANK YOU,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.emsmom do you need some "therapy" from the big sparkowski? by appointment only-spark

 
Old 11-04-2007, 09:21 PM   #14
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emsmom HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

Hahaha, looks like I need to make an appt

LOL, you're too much.

 
Old 11-05-2007, 12:09 PM   #15
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g8trgrl15 HB User
Re: Did I do the right thing? - Forcefully removing an addiction

If one thing, you can count on Spark to be truthful and blunt!! But he does it w/ the best of intentions..

 
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