Hello to my old friends, my new friends, lurkers, those who have made it, those still struggling. Mostly, today, hello to those still debating and struggling.
I have been reading a lot of threads today. I read of so many who are fearful and overwhelmed by this struggle. It is a hard one for sure. It is not, however, one that can not be met. I was fearful and overwhelmed and struggling so hard a year ago. I had no life other than struggling through withdrawal. None. Everyday was a challenge, it felt, just to survive the day. I was anxiety-ridden, fearful, physically ill with withdrawal, and worst of all, so spiritually empty. It seemed like forever. I struggled to hold on to the words of hope stratched out to me by others on this board. I felt that if I didn't cling to that hope others were stretching out to me, I wouldn't make it. No matter how much anyone cared, even my closest family and friends, there was no one, not even the doctors, who truly understood what it was like except for those on this board. They did more tan just sympathize.. they understood what it felt like. They understood the unbelievable doubt and fears and how very, very difficult it was to go through.
However, they also understood that it was so able to be accomplished. And it is! The depression was horrendous, the physical symptoms tormenting. I didn't walk down the road, I plodded wearily. But I survived, and now thrive. It is possible for every single one of us to do this. Yes, every single one.
We have to take the bulls by the horn, plod forward, and when we feel hopeless, reach out to those who can hold the hope for us.... God, our family and friends and those who have gone before us to get off the drugs. While my faith... belief in things unseen.... was certainly a powerful help to me, I had something much more concrete that I could see. It was the written words of people who went before me and got clean that was a real life testament to the fact that it can be done.
I often wondered at first why some of the people who helped me along even cared. They were clean and had a new life to start living. Now I understand why they stuck by me. It was because they knew about the hope to get through this, They knew it can be done and was done by people who went before them.
Sometimes in my struggle, hope eluded me. I had to reach out and grasp it again from someone else in my life. And you know what? It never failed... each time I reached out, someone, somewhere, had a message of hope for me.
So that is what I want to write today. That it is never a time to feel hopeless as long as we still breath. This is a monumental task, but certainly not insurrmountable. Reach out for the hope if you need it and take hold of it tightly. Life stretches out in front of us all and there is no reason a happy life can not be stretching out in front of those still struggling.
nice thread reach.makes me want to start my taper on suboxne.gonna be awhile yet before i do anything.i was in such bad shape before i got on sub this last time that it is gonna take awhile for me to get ready to start moving down.im on 20mgs per day.dont leave us reach even if you just check in once a week.i have been here goin on five years.i dont know if that is good or bad,have to think about that one.have a nice sunday afternoon reach-spark
Phoenix, thanks for the nice words. My hope is that anyone reading them who needs a nudge to get started can grasp that it is so posssible. Trapped in the prison of depression that those drugs had me in, I couldn't fathom ever being free of them. But I am and now know how very possible it is to get free and find that life, a happy life, was waiting here for me all along. I was just too blinded by the addiction to understand that.
Spark, your words always bring a smile to my face. The sub, for you, seems like the absolutely best choice at this point in time. It is giving you the time to develop the mental fortitude to do what eventually I believe you will do. And it seems you are getting stronger mentally and emotionally more and more the longer I know you. The mind is slowly getting in sync with the body and your time will come. So what if it isn't today? As long as you do not go backwards there remains alive and well the hope that the time will come when you are moving forward in getting off completetly.
I hope others reading can grasp the hope in your story and in Phoenix'. One totally clean, one on the road and enjoying a better life today than a while ago. And it all strated for all of us with pursuing the hope of getting off drugs.. and each of us in different ways!
i was hoping know one would respond, because it was simply one of the best things you have EVER written and almost impossible to respond too. Your words are magic, heart felt, and to the point. Thanks for being you.