I used to come here often a couple years back sincerely trying to break my Vicodin habit. I went six months Vike free at one point but I always go back. Let me state that I am a recovering drunk. I haven't drank in 16years. There is no way alcohol and I can ever coexist again and we won't.
But it just seems in my life the pros of Vicodin always win over the cons. One thing about my habit is the fact that it is very controlled. I depend on others with scrips which limits me usually to no more than 30 a month. Friday I scored a dozen which of course are long gone. I am now suffering the effects of having none which aren't that bad, and that is the problem.
When I came down from a drunk I had withdrawls that were horrific, but with the V's as with right now I just get tired and a little irritable. Such a small price to pay for that wonderful feeling of bliss I get when taking a couple 750's. It's that fully functional happy energy that I just can't escape. Not only can I work on them, I can work exceptionally well on them. My job is just the greatest on Vikes.
I hate the hold these things have on me. They are on my mind every waking moment. Right now I am looking forward to the middle of the month when I know a good friend will share a few. It's like a kid looking forward to Christmas. I just can't wait.
Is anyone where I am today? I know if I had unlimited access like I did with drinking, I would really mess myself up, but I just can't get it to that point and I am very thankful for that, but my old friend Vicodin is on my mind way too much and I hate the hold it has on me.
you are playing with fire old friend,and it will burn you when you least expect it to.you know what you need to do so no need us harping on you.you will eventually get to where you have to have them on a daily basis,then you are a true addict.good luck-spark
Like I said Spark if I could get them every day I would, but I just have never had the resources to maintain a real lucraitve habit. I think it would be easier to get plutonium sometimes. Bottom line is that you are correct Spark. I need find a good reason to stop. It just sucks that my thoughts are a prisoner to Vidodins.
I believe Lortab and Vicodin are almost identical. Yes you are discribing the allure that I can't escape. It's the engergy that allows you to be so productive. Now you mention xannax. I can't stand the way those things make me feel.
Last edited by moderator2; 11-04-2007 at 03:14 PM.
I used to suffer from severe anxiety. That is why I developed such a severe drinking problem. Booze was my stress reliever. I just liked it so much better than perscription drugs such as xannax.
As far as Vicodins go. I can't really give you a number. For instance I got twelve on Friday and they were gone the next day. It all depends on how many I can get. I don't have a real pain issuse so I don't have a regular script as many who get in real trouble do. If I have them I take them till there gone. I can never just save a few for a special occasion. I love them in social situations. They provide me with a social element like alcohol used to without being impaired. They make me chatty.
Last edited by moderator2; 11-04-2007 at 03:14 PM.
x-ray --I was in the exact situation you are in right now a few years ago. I couldnt wait for the next time I was going to take them. I loved the way they made me feel. This went on for a few years (like you). I would get 30 here and there and gobble them up and treasure them, love them. Then, I figured out a way to get more. That will happen. NO DOUBT. No matter what you say, you will either do something illegal (lie to get a script, or steal a few from friends bathroom) to get more. Most of us would give ANYTHING to go back to where you are. I would. Please spend time on here and get away. Read out stories (old name meddguy). Absorb that we were just like you, the love will soon go away and turn into NEED, and when that happens you are screwed, because you will be were I am right now, WITHDRAWAL. It sucks and is horrible. Cant kill you like the alcohol wd's you went through, but sure sucks. Mr. Jones is a mean boy. Words are only Words. We are not street scum on here, we are smart, intelligent people who were on the edge of the cliff (like you) just a short time ago. Be smart and forget this whole thing. Sign up for a marathon or a 1/2 marathon. a gym, a triathalon, bike ride something that is HEALTHY and ADDICTING.
Thanks for your advice Fullcircle. I know darn well I have the potential for a serious problem. That is why I stopped by. It's funny because despite the fact that I have seen on various news reports that it is so easy to get Vicodin on the internet, I tried really hard and thankfully I could never get it done that way. I just hate the depression that goes with taking your last pill(as I got last night), and the craving that comes when I have none. I reminds me of the craving I used to have when I smoked and I was out. It's just nuts. I work at a hospital and Vicodins are everywhere(of cousre none that I can touch). Tomorrow at work all I will be thinking about are those little white pills.
By the way I am extremely into physical fitness. I have the ultimate addictive personality and that is one really good addiction that I do have. I was going to do a half marathon last week, but a foot injury put that on hold. Exercise is my religion. I have been doing it five days a week for the better part of 20 years.
I have been reading your thread the last few days, but was trying to get some kind of a feel for you before I jumped in here. Hope you don't mind if I make some casual observations here. I think many, many of us struggle with addictions to drugs, liquor, food, just all kinds of things. When I was struggling with the pain meds, I had to do a lot of soul-searching on why I wanted to hide behind those. I had a lot of emotional pain that I had been stuffing down for a lot of years and as I moved into recovery, I had to deal with it. It was deal with it or slip into some other way of hiding from it.
I was reading some of the things you wrote about yourself. Alcoholic in recovery. Exercise addict. Chatty when on the Vicoden. It seems to me that perhaps you are less than confident in social areas. Exercise in marathons and running is usually not a very demanding social chatting experience as we concentrate more on what we are doing physically. Drinking is often a way to get through social settings when we feel less than confident that people will like us sober and 'boring.' Running eliminates the issue of socialness pretty much al together. Perhaps what could help the Vicoden not be so important in your thoughts is some cognitive behaviour therapy or some self-hypnosis guidance. The self -hypnosis techniques were so helpful for me and I employing them more and more in my everyday life. Once I was able to get past the hokey sounding words and understand that self-hypnosis is no more than intent focusing in our subconscious to figure out why we think and act the way we do in our conscious, everyday living, I found it to be an outstanding tool in helping me understand myself, addiction and changing thinking. It is like losing ourselves in thoughts about ourselves to help understand ourselves. I learned about it working with a licensed clinical social worker when working with her to cope with withdrawal. For me, it has become awesome in my life to use it and have it help me in so many areas.
So, I guess my observation is that perhaps you are less than confident in yourself.. in your worth and value among others. Are you shy? Is it easier to revel your truer self here on the board than to those in your life? Man, it is a learned skill for many to really feel good about ourselves just like we are, to feel we measure up in our own ways to those around us.
If I am off base, it sure wouldn't be the first time in my life. Chuckles. I am not any kind of professional, just a casual observer who has had a lot of opportunities to watch life play out for me and others.( big family and worked years in a school system so opportunities were all around me). And I care a whole lot about others who have gotten caught up in the misery of drugs because we had a basic problem that we didn't even recognize that we were hiding from.
I hope you are able to figure out what is hidden, perhaps, behind the addictions.
once again --even more reason to stay away --YOUR JUST LIKE ME. I still am an exercise freak and the pills have only made it worse. Less aerobic capacity and a huge fear that I am killing myself. It sucks. Please get help. Go to a NA meeting -learn and change your thoughts.
Well Fullcircle I am glad to meet a fellow exercise addict. I plan on running six tomorrow before work. I ran a 10k with a couple of Vikes in me once. I felt pretty good. Oh well it certainly ain't something I'm proud of, yet they are such an all purpose pill.
I appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts. I will sum myself up in a nutshell. The main problem is chronic depression since age 19. It makes me withdrawl from people. Vicodin makes me want to chat with people. Yes I am very shy. One thing that is painfully clear to me is this: I have had depression for 25 years and it ain't going away until I am dead. I have tried everything short of electroshock therapy. I have been through self hypnosis also. I've been through many therapists and antidepressant drugs. Like the vikes they have only given me temparary relief from my ailment.
I guess the bottom line is this.........Vicodins make me feel like I think a normal happy person feels. I am not out of control giddy or anything. I just feel "Normal" Along with that is motivation. It makes me motivated.
I am a very functional depressed guy with or without the Vikes. I work full time and am happily married with two kids. Depression is a beast I will never shake. It is self fulfilling I know, but I am facing the harsh reality of my situation.
xray --i am a little confused. I looked at your old post and you have a history with addiction AND this medicine. You seem like a very intelligent man. All we are saying is be careful. No matter what you think you are not in control of this drug. I read that you used to have a dealer and thats how you got the meds back in 04? is that right? All of the words I write on here are said with the intent to help not harm, please realize that. I would give anything to be you right now. Small habit, get them every now and then. All we are saying is that you should stay far away from them and think of them as evil, NOT Amazing. That is a false feeling. Opiate releases joy in the brain and that is chemical, whether or not we create it ourselves or we get it synthetically through the drug. I have self medicated like you for years. I have never been on anything for my fights with depression, I always went back to what worked FAST = hydro. Its not the right way and whether or not you realize that through our words or a few months or years from now through your own actions, its the truth. Kick this thing NOW.
I just have to jump in here. You may not think you are addicted, but trust me, you are. Why else are you posting here? Also, if you scarf that many vics down in such a short period of time, then you are needing higher doses than you used to. You said it yourself, you need them to get thru life. So did we. That's when they start taking over "life" when you are constatly thinking of them and worrying about how you're going to get more. I've been there & done that, like most here. I eventually managed to get enough of one pain killer or another so that when I ran out, I did go thru withdrawal. Not pleasant to say the least.
There isn't a person in this world that can take pain meds recreationally and still claim control over them. The pills control you --- especially when used as a crutch or for that euphoric feeling. Problem is, they stop offering you that buzz after awhile --- so you gradually take more and more until you spin out and begin taking them just to avoid the withdrawl.
I was on that path for 10 years until recently. It started with Vicodin or Percocets in a relatively low dose (5 or 7.5) and I only took them maybe 3 or 4 times a day (but not every day). I ended up taking in excess of ten 10/650mg pills every day --- no high, no more energy (in fact, all I wanted to do was sleep most of the time).
It's not a fun path to be on --- and if you think the depression/shyness is bad, wait until you add horrific mood swings and anger into the mix. If you have the control now, take it and stop the Vicodin. It only spirals and brings you into a worse place than you started from.