I am on day 7 now without hydro and I just got back from a business trip and tried to see how the day would go without anything. I didnt take a 8mg codeine till 6:00pm and I have only had one more (note the time). All the Darvocet are somewhere in the bowels of the NYC sewer system and I am about to go to bed. Not bad. I went for a 5 mile run today also. REACH can attest that I get nuts with that stuff. Havent had a different focus for a while, so I decided to run my first marathon. YIKES. NO i am not high right now. maybe I should be!!! kidding. I have 5 months to train and 5 months to focus on something else!! I am excited. it was a happy day. Day by day.
First I smiled and then I chuckled right out loud as I read your post here. The first thing that came to my miond's eye was you dancing a Happy-happy-joy-joy dance as you crossed the finish line (didn't see if you won, lost or placed!). And I imagined that the thoughts going through your mind were, "I have done it! I have done it!" And your joy? a double joy... completion of a MARATHON run and a recognition and appreciation for a restored, a happy and good, restored life. Ahhhhhh... I feel like I have just watched a movie like Chariots of Fire or Gone with the Wind in fast motion here. Turmoil to joy in life, trials to a renewed spirit of hope. Thanks for a great start to Sunday morning in a chubby old lady's life. Chuckles.
Just wanted to add something on a more serious note: it is when we start to be able to stop focusing completely on being in withdrawal and are capable once again to focus also on other things in life, that the door has opened for recovery. At least that is how it occured for me, although I did not understand it at the time. When our day begins not with total focus on being in withdrawal or thinking about the day's doses on a taper, but our thoughts can be directed to another goal also, then the brain is beginning to heal. This is the point at which we must really get proactive in our thinking patterns and work at finding other goals, both daily and long term, that allow us to stop thinking so much about drugs. As we fill our minds more and more with thoughts about our lives and thoughts of other's lives, it just kind of naturally doesn't leave much room for thoughts of drugs anymore.
Here's a chant for all the thoughts of drugs:
Push 'em out
Push 'em out
Waaaaaayy out.
I am not sure where that came from... isn't it a take off maybe on an old football cheer from highschool???!!! Man, my own thoughts scare the heck out of me sometimes! hahahaha!
Hey reach ol buddy --STOP RIGHT THERE--If I ever tried to run a marathon right now I would DIE!!!!! I signed up for one in 5 months!!!! LOLLOLOLOL. I barely made 4 miles yesterday.!! Just a way to get me focused for the next phase once the withdrawal is over. That is where I will need all of your help and the help of a NA group on monday nights. I havent been yet, but plan on going during my break. I have to go. Telling myself I didnt need it started me in the wrong direction last summer once again.
I did understand that the marathon is in five months. Chuckles. I am no runner....hardly even a walker some days, but I totally understand that marathons and withdrawal do not go hand-in-hand. Big Chuckles. I was imaging you in 5 months. And I was commenting on how it is a good sign when minute by minute our thoughts are not constantly consumed on withdrawal. That is, to me, a wonderful sign of recovery beginning, you know? That out focus can start to wander to past the minute and begin to go to the future a bit. To start to dream and undestand and take in that there is going to be a life waiting for us beyond withdrawal. A life called "Recovery."
Give me the date of the marathon and I will mark it on my calendar... just like I have marked readytobedone's special date of November 30th, 2007 as the date she graduates from her program.
Hahaha. I am laughing all over again. You are responsible for some brightness in my day today.
