hi all, don't really know what to say as i have just joined and searched/read a lot of posts/responses from a lot of users. 1st of all i want to say what a lifesaver this board is - i have read other peoples stories and was reduced to tears (& thats not just coz im on detox emotional overdrive!) i would never consider NA as an option as i think it just wouldn't be my kind of thing - this board on the other hand provides the support/help/advice for people who need it whilst also maintaining annonimity.
i have been a heroin addict (am a heroin addict) for 20 yrs on & off, my longest time off was a period of 10years.unfortunatley due to personnal circumstances i relapsed 3 years ago. things got quite bad. i mean things got really really bad. anyway, i got on a methadone programme - my dosage peaked at 80ml - it shouldve gone up to 100+ but i was determined to try and reduce as fast as possible. its been exactly 1 year now and i reduced right down to 3ml. i spent 6 days on 3ml before going down to 2ml. over the 6 days i felt rough and woke early each day as well as having little energy. i decided to just GO FOR IT & rid my self of medication for good. i am on day 3 now, i have slept roughly 2-3 hours a night because of the "Leg Cramps/Spasms from Hell". apart from going to the toilet a lot - i have had no other adverse reactions so far (very minor chills). Thanks to reading this board i actually left the house & bought some tonic water & am hoping for a better nights sleep. fingers crossed(legs to!
Dont know why ive written/posted this, guess its just a cathartic process after being emotionally void for so long. i think what i really want to say to any1 thinking of going for detox/withdrawal is its a "horses for courses" scenario & evry1 is different. dont get scared by other peoples reactions to withdrawal, dont panic about the incredibly difficult scenarios that some members have (unfortunatley)gone through, we are all different. do read as much from searching these threads tho, as we are all so lucky to be able to read the wisdom shared by so many people from so many walks of lifes who have gone through so much. its truly inspirational (think i may weep any minute again!).
the main theme to the replies on this board is a strong 1 "IT IS POSSIBLE!" & What you are doing is a positive step in the right direction.
Good luck to all who try & try again to those who have failed.
keep on keeping on.
( i also am a stay at home father who has to look after a 3yr old boy whilst doing this w/d! now that IS motivational therapy)
just think if you had to work 8-10hrs a day while going thru this.you got it made being able to stay at home while going thru this.just remember the hell you have been thru and dont do it again.good luck-spark
no intentions of going back m8, this is it. i know im lucky to be able to stay at home & would hate to have to work - the reason i dont have to work is i have lost my career job/ & can never work in my chosen field again due to this problem.so i know the difficulties involved in the work/detox imbalance - i tried and failed at least a dozen times. thanks for the support.
You're stronger than you realize. I know how hard it is to have to take care of a small child while going thru w/d. That's so much harder than going to work!! At least at work you can occupy your mind. That's harder to do if you're at home. So don't knock what you're doing.. it's awesome. And I know all about coming off the methadone.. that was me too.. I came off of 60 mgs a day. But instead of going CT, I went on suboxone. Anyway, I just wanted to say what a great job I think you're doing and stay strong!!
been just over a week & im startin to feel human again! not gettin as much sleep as i'd like but i know it wont last forever. feeling happy for the 1st time in a long while. any1 going through it at the moment - hold on in there, it gets easier, believe me.
I sort of feel that I'm cheating taking the sub. It's time to seriously start tapering down, and I'm nervous. I know it's a lifesaver. but now I just have to taper off another drug. The Dr acts like it's not a big deal, but it is to me. Fear has always been my biggest obstacle.
you aint cheating using the sub route at all, youve made the right choice in using subs instead of meth IMHO as apparently they are easier to reduce and come off altogether - you can do it, you know you can - otherwise you wouldnt frequent these boards. just taper at whatever speed suits your need - it took me a year to get off meth.you have nothing to fear if you do it gradually - i cant believe how much different i feel nearly 10 days since quitting. i have ultimate faith in you.turn that fear into something positive - use your child(ren) as your motivator to get clean. keep me posted on how u r doing as i'd love to know how you are getting on.
Thanks for the uplifting words, I really needed them. I'm doing okay, and I"m just going to jump this weekend to 6mgs and see how it goes. It can't be that bad, right? I should be able to weather the storm. It's good to know you're feeling better everyday. And keep posting! We'll keep eachother thinking positive.
6mg - how much are you jumping down from? i once got down to 4ml on subutex - ifound that the reduction was a lot more bearable than on methadone. try it, see how you feel? if you feel a bit rough then you can go back up half way. keep testing those boundaries.
It would be my pleasure to keep posting - your words meant a great deal to me when i felt like crap. i hope the reduction goes well & that the kids dont fry your brain (how many you got if you dont mind me asking?) i'll keep checking in to see how you are doing.
I have 2 boys. A 7 yr old and a 17 month old. It's just going from 8 to 6.
I don't know why that scares me so much, I guess because the first day I tried it I felt really bad. But now I think I'm ready. It's just very nice to have someone to talk to when you need to.. that's why I love this board. People that actually understand. How have you been feeling lately?
17 month and 7 yr old - now that is a hand full! i think you'll do well, as i said - if you think that the 2ml jump (sorry mg - ml is a uk thing) then come down 1mg at a time, theres no point rushing your rehabilitation if you dont have to. i know that the desire to be clean often seems tooooo far away, but sometimes it can only be done in baby steps. 6mg is a low dosage - so you've done amazingly well to get this far, dont rush the last 100 metres, if you feel its getting too much then stablise for a while - after all you've got a long and wonderful life in the straight world ahead. the fear of feeling cr*p is a strong one in every addict - especially imho in those who medicate with opiates - pain feels a lot worse when you take the pain killer out of the equation. im not saying there wont be any uncomfortable times but subutex in my understanding causes less severe withdrawals than meth so you should be fine and dandy (relativley ) the doc was always hassling me to switch to subutex once i got to the 30ml meth mark - but the thought of going through 24hrs withdrawal before the subs kicked in put the fear of god in me. (i had tried subs before, buying them off the street & tapering that way - but it messed with my heroin habbit so i quit like a fool.
I'm feeling fine-ish at themoment - not much strength but im gonna try and put in some hours of excercise in this weekend - with a habbit all your hobbies take a back seat, im just glad i didnt sell all my toys, so its gonna be like learning how to kitesurf again after a 3 year smack holiday. its amazing tho - all the things you used to do come flooding back, ive picked up my paint brushes and started painting again (tho not like the guy from heroes - im doin it clean! & i cant paint the future!!)
Keep me posted on how youre doing/feeling - im on every day if u need?!
Hello u 2! I just wanted to say that I think the support your'e giving each other is inspirational...its people like you two that DESERVE children.......you are battling one of the biggest demons in life, all for your kids. ((((((Hugs))))) Many could learn from you...take care x
a sincere thanks kappachino - its comments like yours that reduce a grown man to tears! thank you very much for your kind words - your words & the supportive comments g8trgrl has made that make these trying times a lot easier. Hope the weather is nice down in Cam - Cumbria is covered in frost with a glorious sunny sky. one of those "Glad to be alive moments"!