| | Did I do the right thing?
I have posted here several times. I read the threads every morning getting wisdom and hope from them. This past weekend I got so depressed, I could not go lower than 50 mcg of fentanyl. The depression was so bad my doc was thinking about putting me in a hospital. Thank God I can call him on the weekends. So sunday night he ordered clonidine pills and the clonidine patch. He also put me on 8 norco's a day. Only ordering three days worth and won't call it in sooner. That's fine, I don't want to trade in one addiction for another. He wanted to do the taper more slowly and with less depression. As soon as I took the patch off, I felt this huge weight being lifted off my shoulders. I was constantly worried if it was broken, not working etc. Now 72 hours later, the withdrawals are terrible. I had to take today off from work. I only work two days a week, since surgery in April. I wake up feeling like I have to run, but fast and out of my skin. I feel fluish, sweating, diarhea, shakes. The clonidine works, I must admit today is a little better than yesterday, still not bearable but better.
After reading JCS post I can totally relate to not wanting to take responsibility. I am AFRAID OF EVERYTHING. I was or am a product of the psych wards back in the 80's and early 90's/anyone see Girl Interrupted? That was me plus 5 more years. They took all my parents insurance money, 3million dollars and kicked me out when it ran out. that was a blessing in disguise. thats when I found pain meds. They let me face reality. Now I just don't think I can.
Can anyone PLEASE PLEASE HELP!